Is something wrong with this sentence? I can't shake off the idea that I'm not doing things properly. It's about a boat race.
"The last stretch of water, with its desperate fights for the first place, made for the most interesting spectacle."
Thanks, Silver, polishing stuff
Posted by autumnmuse (Member # 2136) on :
Well, you imply that the water is what is fighting for first place, for one thing. Also, I'd take out 'the' from the phrase 'for the first place' for two reasons: first, it sounds better to simply say 'first place' and second, you use the same phrase right after that with 'for the most interesting'.
Edited to add: Perhaps the second part of the sentence would be clearer if you said something like 'full of fights for first place' instead of 'with its fights'.
My 2 cents.
[This message has been edited by autumnmuse (edited November 17, 2005).]
Posted by Silver3 (Member # 2174) on :
Yeah, I wasn't sure of that "the" either. But my brain seems to switch to French at this hour of the night (it's 1:00 in Paris and I'm doggone tired). Thanks a lot!
Bedtime for me.
Posted by sojoyful (Member # 2997) on :
On the other hand, a stretch of water fighting desperately for first place would make for a most interesting spectacle!
Posted by Spaceman (Member # 9240) on :
The desperate fight for first place over the last stretch of water made for a most interesting spectacle.
Posted by Thieftess (Member # 1683) on :
yup - I'm with Spaceman: I vote for "fight" instead of "fights" as well.