It's not the story. Can't be. I mean, I love the story. It's my baby. My four-year-old, nigh-incomprehensible, still-in-diapers baby.
Writing on paper, I sometimes can't stop. I think some of the best things I've written were done in the past week or two in a spiral notebook, but when I go over the 45 thousand words I have so far, I find chunks of prose so bad they're Eye of Argon worthy.
I'm a bad storyteller. No, it's true. The story's fine (functionally retarded, you might say, but it's getting better), but the telling of it...I don't think it's something I would read. I hope it will get better. I hope my storytelling skills will improve, because at the moment, it's like listening to a five-year-old tell you about a movie she saw once upon a time: "There was a man with a gun, and another man with a gun, and the first man with the gun took his gun out and shot the other man with the gun, and I don't know why he did it but he did, and the other man died. What's for lunch?"
A bit exaggerated, but you get the picture.
Anyway...my therapist's out of town, so I'm just venting. Feel free to ignore me.
PS--I don't have a therapist.
[This message has been edited by cvgurau (edited September 25, 2006).]
Subsequently, I deem your storytelling skills effective. Perhaps approaching your current fiction project with the same attitude you seem to take whilst writing posts might circumvent this sense of unease.
Just a thought.
Inkwell
---------------
"The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp."
-Anonymous
I find that, as Inkwell suggested, I write better when I'm not trying to write, that is, when I'm not thinking about making it good writing. Instead, I just try to write the story down as it comes to me, with the mind that I will go back and clean it up later, as Spaceman suggested. It took a lot of practice and mental discipline to form this habit, since my natural tendency was to edit as I wrote. But once I started doing it this way, things improved immensely.
Also, I think there comes a point when the lessons We learn start to sink in, and then they begin to apply themselves naturally when we write, rather than us having to consciously keep them in mind.
All of this boils down to: Take heart, chin up, keep trucking. And good luck!
If your love/hate relationship has tilted into hate, you need to stop the cycle! But you might need some distance from it. Just like with all children (human, non-human or text) every once and a while you need a break. Working on another story for a little bit could let you move past the "Oh, heck, I have to work on this again!" feeling.
Also, stop trying so hard to "write" it. If you can pick up at the "end" and ignore whatever it is about the stuff that comes before that bothers you, try to do it. Enjoy telling the story. The technicals and process can be smoothed over/worked on during edits.
Hang in there, we've all been (and will be again) where you are right now.
I realize that this is a temporary funk, and that I'll eventually get over it, but right now, it sounds like the death knell of my beloved story.
quote:
Have you considered not opening the file and starting again?
Oh, heavens no. I've been working on this story for something like four and a half years, and I've started over far too many times as it is. I'm happiest with the current version, but I'm always happiest with the current version, until that "better" idea comes along. If I don't buckle down and stick to it, I'll never finish.
quote:
Or at least taking a break from it and working on another story for a while?
I'd like to say that said funk seems to be contagious, and has spread to all forms of fiction, but in all honesty, "Out of Tadara" is my biggest and most important project. Everything else is on the permanent backburner until this is done, or until I get that rare flash of insight in some side story that makes me retrieve it from the depths of my hard drive, blow away all of that digital dust, and start writing it for the first time in who knows how many weeks, months or years. Other stories interest me, but this is the only one I truly love.
quote:
First of all, you're not a bad storyteller. You just told us a story...and, quite frankly, told it well.
I would disagree, but I don't want to sound like I'm fishing for complements. Not that I would refuse any outright....
In any case, if my ability to write spectacular fiction was as well developed as my ability to whinge anonymously on the web, then I wouldn't be having this problem. Again, give it time.
quote:
Perhaps approaching your current fiction project with the same attitude you seem to take whilst writing posts might circumvent this sense of unease.
Perhaps, but these seem to be two different creatures. Writing a novel is a long, solitary prospect, with no chance of feedback until the story (or scene) is refined again and again until it's as near to perfect as the inner editor can make it. Writing a web forum post demands considerably less dedication and discipline.
In any case, thanks again for the advice.
--Cris
PS--Have I mentioned that I don't have a therapist. I really don't. There is no therapist. The therapist doesn't exist.
[This message has been edited by cvgurau (edited September 25, 2006).]
This sounds like more of a mind-game than anything else. Therefore, getting your perspective "in gear" might help you focus...or encourage you to take the project a bit less seriously in your own mind, at the very least (I know from personal experience that taking any project too seriously can jeapordize motivation, inspiration, attention span, etc., etc.).
Yes, it is your baby, and yes, it is important...but if you spend too much time with your 'child' you can easily smother it. Smothering is bad (trust me...I've killed more than one story this way). Suffocating your writing can make it come out feeling forced (to both your 'inner editor' and the reader). That's all I was trying to say...about the psychological side of the issue.
Inkwell
-----------------
"The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp."
-Anonymous
Frankly, I don't know why it's so difficult to read my work. It's a habit I'd love to break out of, really.
If you keep at it, your writing skills and your rewriting skills will catch up. And then, in a while, your critical skills will outpace them again.
This happens over and over to writers who are growing. If it stops happening, then you can worry, because it may mean you have stopped growing as a writer.
Just hang in there and keep writing. Don't look back at the stuff you've already written. Finish the story, plow ahead, force yourself to do it.
With a novel especially, by the time you get the thing finished, your writing and rewriting skills may have actually had time to improve enough, and you will be able to go back to the stuff you couldn't bear to see and work on it. (You will have distanced yourself from it a little, as well, and that may help, too.)
Just don't give up, okay?
http://www.libertyhallwriters.org/images/progress.bmp
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited September 25, 2006).]
Mike Munsil: Great diagram.
Wetwilly: Great Scott, that's disturbing!
Cris, I have a two-year-old historical novel project (currently called _Harvest of Spears_) that motivates me to write new stories.
It's my life's dream, in a way -- some of the ideas in it date back to high school -- but because of that, it's daunting to try to write it. (I don't want to write it until I'm good enough to do it justice, after all.) But recently I decided that it's the file that I _will open_ and work on whenever I don't have other active projects going on right that minute. While I've made some progress on it, I've also written three short stories in my effort to avoid opening that file.
Regards,
Oliver
Edited to protect super-secret identity
[This message has been edited by oliverhouse (edited September 28, 2006).]
Secondly, stop taking your work so seriously, as a parent you are overprotecitve, and they are right, you can smother it. If you don't distance for a while and work on something else you are going to kill it. So this is what I would do. Save it on disk, cd or some other removable media. (I recommend all three) and then move the original too. Give the disk to someone else to sit on for a while. Then, when you have calmed down, I'd say three weeks, if you find yourself wanting to work on it, give yourself another week. Wait until you are just BURSTING to work on it....
Then get it back and work on it.
Even the most loving parents occasionally get bored of their kids, but separate them for a few days and everything those kids do is suddenly exciting again.
[This message has been edited by Mystic (edited October 02, 2006).]
I don't think it's critical paralysis, though it could be...I just think that for a brief time they engaged my interest, and then after working on them awhile they ceased to engage my interest. (Again I'm more hopeful of my last effort, but I usually am while I'm working through it.)
To a point.
What must be avoided is becoming so relaxed that I stop caring about it. There's a difference, after all, between not smothering your baby and outright neglecting it.
Thanks, guys, for the help.
PS-- I've been trying to stay away from it (not for the weeks, that EllePepper suggested, but at least some time), but after four years, I find that almost every creative thought I have (that doesn't involve drawing) somehow pertains to this story. Go figure.
Lynda
Personally, I write more like you describe, Robert - I know tons about my characters, I know the setting, situation, and the ending, and then I sit down and start writing, letting the story take me on what's usually a very fun journey! But if you get STUCK somewhere, you need to find a different approach. I do that myself. When I got stuck recently, I sat down and worked on scene ideas on index cards. I NEVER work that way, but I did this time, to try to unstick myself (it worked to some extent, and that's all I really needed to get going again).
Lynda