I have blocks of dialogue where one character is speaking, then I insert a beat to break it up/give a little action (she slammed her fist on the table) and to squelch my inclination to use adverbs in dialogue tags. Sometimes, though, the beat is the OTHER character's, but the other character says nothing, just does something (say, responds to the char who is speaking by nodding) and the speaker continues on.
To give a ridiculous example:
"Well I don't think that's right, do you?" Shayna said, looking at Ellen. Ellen nodded. Shayna continued, "Jerome really shouldn't be going out with Tanya. She's not his type."
Is this correct? Should there be a paragraph break after Ellen nods, before Shayna continues? In the examples from my Nano (I am not sure where in the text they fall and my working files are in a bit of disarray or I'd dig a real one out, there are some real gems in there, well worth a few laughs) I think it flows a little more smoothly, the nodding may not even be a separate sentence. It's always clear that Shayna is still speaking.
Thoughts? (oh, fine, I'll see if I can dig up an actual example and have y'all laugh at me. )
"Well I don't think that's right, do you?" Shayna said, looking at Ellen.
Ellen nodded.
Shayna continued, "Jerome really shouldn't be going out with Tanya. She's not his type."
I would say that is more correct. However, I would do it.
"Well I don't think that's right, do you?" Shayna looked at Ellen.
Ellen nodded.
Shayna continued, "Jerome really shouldn't be going out with Tanya. She's not his type."
Well, I try to avoid continued as a tag, but I will admit sometimes it seems logical.
[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited November 15, 2007).]
quote:
"Well I don't think that's right, do you?" Shayna said.Ellen nodded.
"Jerome really shouldn't be going out with Tanya. She's not his type."
1. The third indentation implies that it is given back to Shayna.
2. The fact that she responded to Ellen's nod already implies she was looking at her.
3. I agree with JeanneT that even such a small action interjected by another character deserves a new paragraph.
ciao,
Mark
As a nit - one that many agents have echoed - don't use "She continued," it's not proper. OF COURSE she continued, she's still talking. Just stick with "said" if you need the tag to keep the speaker clear.
As for the main question. The proper way is to put the action of another person in a seperate paragraph to the person that's speaking, but I also know, I often don't. When you know the rules, it's much easier to break them, I think.
[This message has been edited by darklight (edited November 15, 2007).]
quote:
As for the main question. The proper way is to put the action of another person in a seperate paragraph to the person that's speaking, but I also know, I often don't. When you know the rules, it's much easier to break them, I think.
I don't know if this helps the issue or simply confuses it, but FWIW, I see the pros doing this frequently. Sometimes they even switch dialog from one person to another in the same paragraph. (!) I can never tell, though, if they are intentionally breaking the rule for an effect, or if they are being sloppy. As an amateur, I think this is one rule I should follow.
See if you see what I mean:
Anya thought a minute, "I'm not sure why not. It seems to me like the main hurdle in being able to talk to her is believing that she's capable of talking to YOU. You've presumably accepted that already." Xaria nodded in agreement. "So, I don't see why not. But probably not in your quarters, at least not without me or someone who has the right requisition on file with Central Computing, I think."
John said, "the thing about robot monkey ninjas is that they're monkeys AND robots." John stood up and began to pace around the room. "AND they're ninjas. I mean how are we supposed to deal with something like that?"
Do you only need to break up the paragraph if some other character is intervening? Or any time you add description between dialogue?
Well I don't think that's right, do you?" Shayna looked at Ellen.
Ellen nodded.
"Jerome really shouldn't be going out with Tanya. Ellen, she's not his type."
"Well I don't think that's right, do you?" Shayna looked at Ellen. "Jerome really shouldn't be going out with Tanya," she said when Ellen nodded. "She's not his type."
or
"Well I don't think that's right, do you?" Shayna waited for Ellen's nod. "Jerome really shouldn't be going out with Tanya. She's not his type."
In other words, I think you have lots of options.
quote:
Anya thought a minute, "I'm not sure why not. It seems to me like the main hurdle in being able to talk to her is believing that she's capable of talking to YOU. You've presumably accepted that already." Xaria nodded in agreement. "So, I don't see why not. But probably not in your quarters, at least not without me or someone who has the right requisition on file with Central Computing, I think."
How about this:
. . . You've presumably accepted that already." Xaria nodded in agreement, and Anya folded her arms. "Then, I don't see why not. . . .
In the case of the same speaker, there is no reason for a paragraph break.
Edit: This gives a pretty good run down on the generally accepted standards on dialogue. (And, yes, I've seen them broken. Ask yourself, does this mean an editor is going to let us get away with it? )
http://home.mchsi.com/~webclass/dialoguerules.htm
[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited November 16, 2007).]
The difference between this . . .
John said, "the thing about robot monkey ninjas is that they're monkeys AND robots." John stood up and began to pace around the room. "AND they're ninjas. I mean how are we supposed to deal with something like that?"
And
"The thing about robot monkey ninjas is that they're monkeys AND robots," John said.
He stood and paced the room.
"AND they're ninjas." He turned to face Stan. "I mean how are we suppose to deal with something like that?"
**
is pacing, rhythm and flow. Both are "right" and both could work.
The first one is a bit more frantic the second builds more slowly to the "Oh Sh**" moment.