Seriously, though. As long as there is a good reason I don't need to know instantly whose POV we're in. When you name the characters, it doesn't feel like an equal confrontation.
In body language, facing off is a confrontational gesture. Other nonverbal cues might demonstrate the nature of the emotions involved. Facing off is essentially a squared posture, not a rounded posture with tentative, brief, or askance looks toward each other. Emotions like nonverbal communication come in clusters. In confrontations, the emotional clusters are aggression-anger countered by trepidation-fear, flight or fight responses. Holding the arms away from the body to appear larger and ready for action, twisting in place to edge on and front on, bending at the waist, flexing ankles, knees, elbows, and wrists, head held high with the nose pointed above the opponent's but not so high that the neck is exposed, stamping feet, clenching fists, hard-eyed glares, heavy breathing. Game on.
The dramatic sense of the opening that I get is not whether the point of view character is introduced as such, but that there's a confrontation between the characters. To demonstrate that emotionally charged atmosphere and introduce the setting at the same time, perhaps the place or objects related to the confrontation might be incorporated into the confrontation.
[This message has been edited by extrinsic (edited September 15, 2008).]
So I think you should get me in character immediately. Then show me the conflict through his point of view. That way I know why I should care about this conflict.
"They faced off in the railyard. The sun was creeping over the horizon and it filled the dry desert air with a pink glow. Even from this distance John knew there was something wrong with Ted. His clothes were a mess, his hair unkempt, and his face - it was covered with thin red lines."
Versus
"John was a policeman. He had served his country for a dozen years, both in the military, and in law enforcement. He had a wife and fifty-nine kids, but don't ask him how that's possible. He like waffles with bacon which is what he ate this morning, and his favorite color is blue. But the sky wasn't blue today, as he faced his mortal enemy - Commando Jimmy."
I realize my examples are extremely biased. But the first is almost exactly like my opening lines. And I think (hope) it works all right.
[This message has been edited by Zero (edited September 17, 2008).]
I already care about Ted (because he sounds pitiful) and I want John to be a good guy (because he knows Ted enough to notice that things are not right with him). But carry on...
[This message has been edited by MrsBrown (edited September 17, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by Zero (edited September 18, 2008).]
Quit worrying!
quote:
John was a policeman. He had served his country for a dozen years, both in the military, and in law enforcement. He had a wife and fifty-nine kids, but don't ask him how that's possible. He like waffles with bacon which is what he ate this morning, and his favorite color is blue. But the sky wasn't blue today, as he faced his mortal enemy - Commando Jimmy.
Obviously this isn't what I meant. I think what you stated after my post - that you immediately reveal that these characters know each other and that there is something (supernaturally?) wrong with one of them - does enough to slip me a little into the character.
Before I understood that there would only be confrontation before you mentioned character.
As much as I love John and his 59 children, the first example is absolutely fine. When I read the first post, I imagined you wouldn't be naming your protag for ages...a couple of lines isn't worth mentioning. The establishment comes so quickly that I wouldn't worry about it. Not a problem at all.
Nick
[This message has been edited by Nick T (edited September 18, 2008).]