The beginning of my story is what I'd term a plot device or maybe vehicle would be a better term. It doesn't pertain to the actual story but I needed something to explain why my MC is alone on an isolated island. The MC must be near a body of water that connects to the open sea for the story to continue, and there cannot be anyone else around to see what happens next.
The MC is a teenage boy, and I thought that a girl friend problem would be a logical reason for him to be on this island since his family lives along the Florida Coast. I didn't show his problem with his girl friend because it's not that vital to the plot. It just puts him where he has to be for everything that happens next. This is the reason I am telling the scene instead of showing it. Obviously, from the crits I've received this is the wrong approach. Is there any way to use a plot device of this sort without going into a lot of detail, or should I shuck the whole idea and try a totally different angle? Is there any other method I could use to make this work?
A throw away scene at the beginning is confusing and annoying. Why make the reader get invested in the emotion and consequences if it never comes up again?
Why he's on that island needs to tie in integrally.
That's my 2 cents
It was a dark and stormy night doesn't require that we know *why* it's stormy. I just have a feeling you might be making this harder than it is. He's just there.
Back up for a second, though. What's the inciting incident? What happens in the story that sets him off on his adventure on the big sea? Why does he care? Why does he have nothing to lose that he wants to go off by himself? *that's* perhaps where the explanation has to come from, and that is something that is showable (though it's harder when someone is alone, but you can characterize their loneliness/aloneness without too much trouble, in my opinion.)
Good luck!
I think the structure works. I know about this character, I know why he's at the beach. When someone falls in the water, I know there's a story here (well, I assume there's a story here).
And I would expect that the stuff about his breakup does pertain to the story. I'm assuming that the story will be about the character dealing with these emotions, while he deals with whatever's going on with the falling and the splashing.
Clarity seemed to be more of an issue than plot devices in your post.
If the story's not about the breakup, you are probably making a false promise to the reader. Wallowing in the teenage breakup angst probably isn't necessary. An errant thought or two about being alone might be better than the frame story that gets him to the beach at this moment and time.
If he could just as easily be thinking his parents are going to kill him when they learn he failed Trig, AGAIN, you probably don't want the scene you started with. But regardless of whether you start with his wallowing, show me what he's feeling by his actions. Is he skipping sea shells into the ocean? Dragging his feet? Comparing the relationship with the girl with his footprints being obliterated by the sea? Get inside his head a bit more than your current 13 does.
[This message has been edited by kings_falcon (edited October 27, 2008).]
We'll see how it goes and I'll keep everyone's advice and crits in mind if I decide to go back to my original story line.
Thanks to everyone for your support. It makes me wonder how I ever wrote anything worthwhile without Hatrack .
Meanwhile, because we're talking about show-don't-tell, I wanted to whip out one of my favorite Uncle Orson's writing class articles:
writing class lesson about showing and telling
You're also right about switching the POV and not the MC. I got to thinking about it after I made that post. The story is about what happens to Pete once he tries to help Olna out of a sticky problem. I am going to continue with Olna as the POV and see where it leads me, but there will be some other bumps along the way when what Pete is experiencing becomes more vital than Olna's POV. We'll see what happens.