Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Quick formatting question

This is topic Quick formatting question in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by JoeMaz (Member # 8241) on :

If Bob hands Lee a note, then Lee reads it to himself and comments on it, what does that look like in manuscript format?

Here's an example----

Lee was walking down the hall. Bob stopped him, handing him a scrap of paper.

Lee read the note to himself, "It's Joanna's B-day." "Thanks," he said.

---------------------

Note that Lee is supposed to be reading to himself. I've tried googling this with no luck. Anyone got a quick answer?

[This message has been edited by JoeMaz (edited December 12, 2008).]

Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :

"It said: It's Joanna's B-Day?" The text of the note in italics, or underlined in a manuscript.

Further, you might want to make more mention of the note, whether it's handrwritten or printed, neat or scribbled, if the guy reading the note recognizes the handwriting or not...

Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :

The question asked asks whether Lee's actions and Bob's actions are simultaneous, concurrent, or sequential. In the most rigid analysis, they're sequential as much because there's different characters as because there's no simultaneous or concurrent actions.

Lee walks along the hallway.

Bob stops Lee in the hallway to hand him a note.

Lee comments on the note.

Posted by JoeMaz (Member # 8241) on :

That was a generic scene. All I’m after is what this line should look like. “It’s Joanna’s B-Day.” “Thanks,” he said.

Here’s an example from my story---------------

…Jamba took the pen and paper and scratched out a message.

Jodie took the pad. Jamba’s script was hard blocky letters. “Are you mad?” Jodie shook his head. “No! I didn’t do it, but she’s in there right now!” He shoved the paper back to Jamba.

Jamba looked unimpressed…

____________________________________

I just want to make sure, “It’s Joanna’s B-Day.” in the first example, and “Are you mad?” in the second, should be italicized?

Also, how do you guys make italicized text on this blog???

Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :

The question then is how to format internal discourse that's a reading of unspoken cited text. One style recommendation is to italicize all internal discourse. But the thought is quoted text read from a note. Style recommendations generally suggest whatever formatting will most clearly and simply carry meaning and intent. In this situation, a reasonable solution is to set off the read text in a block indented paragraph, as a letter would be, without quotes or italics. But it's short so it would look awkward out by itself alone.

Another style recommendation, what I would use, is to set off with a comma and capital case the first word of the read text. Omitting special formatting and quotes that indicate spoken dialogue otherwise is the simplest to read and understand intent when it follows a conventional, if little known, style recommendation.

For a more rigid recommendation, a semicolon indicating what follows or as follows, or a colon indicating the content of the read text as a complete, independent but relevant sentence might replace the comma and be evermore understandable by degrees of pause. A comma is less of a pause, semicolon more, colon most as in the examples below.

Jamba's script was hard blocky letters, Are you mad?
Jamba's script was hard blocky letters; Are you mad?
Jamba's script was hard blocky letters: Are you mad?

To format italics in Universal Bulletin Board Code, the text string to be italicized is bracketed by an opening and a closing italics tag. The syntax is; [i]text string[/i].

[This message has been edited by extrinsic (edited December 12, 2008).]

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

I think the point of view has relevance here.

If it's Lee's point of view, as it seems to be, then you could treat the words of the note as the note's dialog:

quote:

Lee was walking down the hall. Bob stopped him, handing him a scrap of paper.
Lee read the note to himself. It said, "It's Joanna's B-day."
"Thanks," he said.

Or, you could leave out the "It said" part:

quote:

Lee was walking down the hall. Bob stopped him, handing him a scrap of paper.
Lee read the note to himself: "It's Joanna's B-day."
"Thanks," he said.

I think you're perfectly safe treating written words the same way you would treat dialog if this is from Lee's point of view.

If it's from Bob's, then the question is whether or not Bob knows what the note says. If he does, you could have him watch Lee read the note, and at the same time be thinking about what the note was telling Lee. If he doesn't, you could have Bob ask Lee what it said, and the dialog coule move on that way.

Edited to add: In any case, what the note said should not be in the same paragraph as what Lee said after reading the note.

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited December 12, 2008).]