"Spock, I - really - need - more - toilet paper." ?
It seems like whatever you do it's going to be annoying.
Posted by Bycin (Member # 8297) on :
I think it would be the least distracting to do something like this:
"Spock, I really need more toilet paper." Shatner spoke with a noticeable pause between each word.
Posted by Meredith (Member # 8368) on :
For occasional pauses, like someone is searching for a word or having trouble saying something, I use elipses.
For what you're talking about, I think some sort of description might be better.
Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :
I agree...Excessive elipses... It burns us.
Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :
Of the many jobs that a writer plays in a story, actor and director are two where it's a best practice to tread lightly. The principle being a reader will fulfill those roles from a few given cues. Once a character is established in a reader's mind as a stutterer, a melodramatic speaker with halting speech, an excitable character who always speaks in exclamations and italic emphases, a self-important character who browbeats and interrupts others, a speaker who spends a great deal of time in introspective deliberations, then frequent additional ellipsis points, dashed interruptions, exclamation points, italics for speaking emphasis or setting off thought, bolded text, all capitals, whatever, can become disruptive in excess.
Dashed interruptions, exclamation points--the bang in a typesetter's vulgar vernacular--ellipsis points, all caps, bolded, or italicized text serve useful purposes, but excessive usages make a manuscript read like all the characters are intimidating, intimidated, tentative, excitable, introspective gibbering idiots.
Excess formatting acrobatics are also a form of directorial intrusion, telling a reader how to interpret a story's emotional context and meaning, lazy writing. If it's not shown by context, the punctuation antics aren't going to convey emotional responses and meaning, either. In fact, when excessive and telling me how to interpret meaning and respond emotionally, they turn me right out of a story.
I believe it's a best writing practice to first learn how to convey a story's emotions without the safety net of punctuation acrobatics.
Posted by Sunshine (Member # 3701) on :
I'm not sure how to do it, but I know what I don't like. I'm not trying to pick on the Twilight series, but it happened often enough for me to really take notice.
What. Do. You. Think. You're. Doing.
I hate that. It's really disruptive. I can see that slow speech is trying to be emphasized, but I don't think it's effectively pulled off.
Just my opinion.
P.S. I'm really not trying to pick on the Twilight series. I read all of the books and I think her writing has really improved from the first to the last book.
[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited March 09, 2009).]
Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :
Thanks, everyone! I agree that a description is better than trying to produce the event. Thanks for the idea, not sure why I didn't think of it, lol.
Posted by dee_boncci (Member # 2733) on :
For what you describe, if you wanted to punctuate it in, periods I think work best, but that's a device to use sparingly.
Posted by shimiqua (Member # 7760) on :
I think you should take a Pinter pause. That means that everytime there is a pause someone is thinking something, or making a decision.
I would try writing it in the pausers perspective.
Say, for example.
"Spock," Was it really Spock, and what was Spocks last name anyway? "I," well not just me, the entire crew in fact, "really needs," is it a need, or perhaps it's a want, "More," definitly more, less would not help. "Toilet paper." Oh man, now Spock is going to think I am an idiot.
If you do this, you should know it's hard to follow the sentence. But once from the perspective is enough for the reader to figure out what's going on if it happens a lot.
Hope that helps, or at the very least, amuses. ~Sheena
Posted by satate (Member # 8082) on :
Lol Sheena
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 1655) on :
For William Shatner, wouldn't it be more like:
"SpockIreallyneed...more...........toiLET PAPER!"
Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :
LOL!
Touche to the max!
Posted by micmcd (Member # 7977) on :
Don't know if it is just me, or all people with >= my nerd points level, but any time you use the all-periods, I involuntarily stop reading and think of, "Worst. Episode. Ever."
Comic Book Guy - The Simpsons, Episode #... ah, hell... just about every time he appears.
Note - it's also a fark meme (++nerd_points; add more if you can link it to 4chan).
Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :
It's too bad a dialogue tag lacks the ability to give you the intonation he uses when he says that. To me that's half the comedy.
Posted by Crystal Stevens (Member # 8006) on :
I hate to be knit-picky, but Shatner wouldn't be saying this to Spock. It would be Captain Kirk instead. And if someone wants to argue that they're one and the same, they're not. Shatner is a flesh and blood actor (or was), and Kirk is a fictional character .
Posted by BenM (Member # 8329) on :
I find myself siding with the description idea, however
quote:"Spock, I really need more toilet paper." Shatner spoke with a noticeable pause between each word.
as a reader I find this intruding, because I've already read the dialogue when I find out that he spoke with a pause between each word. In such cases I will often go back and re-read the dialogue with the corrected tone.
It is hard if it's just the way the character speaks in general, since it's intrusive to suitably tag every bit of dialogue, but then if it's been described you don't have to; an occasional reference to the character's speaking style might be enough:
"Spock," Kirk said, a hint of desperation accompanying his typical staccato, "I need more toilet paper."
.