Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Sentence Beginnings

This is topic Sentence Beginnings in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.hatrack.com/ubb/writers/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=005621

Posted by satate (Member # 8082) on :

I'm having this problem with sentence beginings. If I don't check myself I start writing everything as - She did this. He did that. She went here. She liked this. Then when I try to counter it I start writing every sentence with an action word, like - Rubbing her arms she sat up and shivered. Do you ever run into this and how do you fix it? Is starting each sentece with an -ing word just as bad or is simply varying between she and an -ing word, with a few others, okay?

Posted by Kitti (Member # 7277) on :

Some strategies I find helpful when I run into that same problem

1) make my sentences more complex (because then I can move clauses around if I find I'm always starting with the same word, and combine several actions into a single sentence)

2) use chronological markers, prepositions and other transition words (when, as, since, before, after, while, then)

3) add in other information, esp. from other characters' actions, or describing things she can senses about the environment (but omitting the "she saw" "she tasted" tags so I get "The air smelled..." or something like that). Remember you don't have to explicitly filter in through the POV character's perceptions.

4) replace a "she" or two with the character's name (but only at well-chosen places, not at random)

5) break up exposition with dialogue and/or omit some of the dialogue tags

Just out of curiosity, I did a quick survey of the sentence starters in one of my current WIPs. Don't know if it'll help or not, but my first few sentences begin with the following words (all before the start of dialogue and interactions with other characters):

Sierra, it, a, she, unless, as, her, if.

Posted by wetwilly (Member # 1818) on :

quote:
Is starting each sentece with an -ing word just as bad

The short answer is yes. In fact, in my opinion, it's worse.

The problem may not be one of sentence structure, but one of what you are describing. If every sentence starts with "He did/She did," then all you are describing is character actions. I would assume there is a lot more to your story than that. There is setting. Describing the setting will automatically make you start sentences with something other than "He did/She did." There is the meaning of character actions. Like, "This was the first time in seven years Shannon had let herself get close to anybody." Try describing more than just what your characters are doing, and your sentence structure will probably follow suit and vary itself.

Posted by Unwritten (Member # 7960) on :

I sometimes notice myself doing this also, and it's usually in a scene where the action is intense. I don't think it's a bad place to start. Sometimes I just have to get things down on paper in a step by step manner, but it's fun to go back and switch things around. It's become a very compulsive thing with me--I find myself rewriting other people's sentences also. But the important thing is to not be afraid of being pendantic on the first draft. IMO, you should be focused on getting what's in your head onto the paper first, and fixing the details later.
Melanie