Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Discription of the eyes in surprise...

This is topic Discription of the eyes in surprise... in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by walexander (Member # 9151) on :

I don't know why this is irking me but...

is it - Her eyes went wide with surprise...

or- Her eyes opened with surprise... (To me this say's they were shut first.)

Somehow I don't feel like I'm conveying a shock like this appropriately. Because an eye can't really go wide or open.
I'm not sure whats right here.

Should it be something more like - Her face registered the shock, nerves fired, muscles contracted, the white of her eyes now fully exposed conveyed the depth of her surprise.

Ugg... this seems to bogged down.

thoughts anyone?

Posted by geronl (Member # 9156) on :

Her eyes widened explosively in shock

I dunno. Just a stab at it.

Posted by Corky (Member # 2714) on :

Euw!

I thought people's pupils dilated when they were interested, angry, shocked, surprised, and if that doesn't count as widened, I don't know what does.

Posted by JSchuler (Member # 8970) on :

He went bug-eyed at the sight...

quote:
I thought people's pupils dilated when they were interested, angry, shocked, surprised, and if that doesn't count as widened, I don't know what does.

"Her eyes dilated, just like a door."

Posted by Pyre Dynasty (Member # 1947) on :

Her optic nerve flared, all the muscles on her eyelids contracted to allow as much light into her pupils as possible, trying to get all possible data needed to understand the situation. Her olfactory system jolted sympathetically.

Posted by aspirit (Member # 7974) on :

"Her eyes widened" works for me.

Posted by skadder (Member # 6757) on :

Her eyes exploded open with a force that ripped the eyelids from her face.

Seriously...it's not all about eyes:

She stopped and stared me for a moment, her eyes wide, unblinking. A tear slid down her cheek and rolled onto her trembling lips.

"I don't believe it...he can't be dead?"

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited July 17, 2010).]

Posted by Lionhunter (Member # 8766) on :

Her eyes exploded, the remnants of the burned flesh melting to spawn a gateway to a another dimension. A misty purple light poured through. Only a whisper could be heard from it: "I am surprised".

[This message has been edited by Lionhunter (edited July 17, 2010).]

Posted by walexander (Member # 9151) on :

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[This message has been edited by walexander (edited July 17, 2010).]

Posted by Crystal Stevens (Member # 8006) on :

Am I to assume this isn't your POV character? So you can't portray the shock through the character's thoughts?

I know when I'm seriously shocked at something someone says that has an explosive impact on my life, my body will stiffen, I'll tilt my neck forward slightly, eyebrows will shoot up, and my mouth will form a circle. The upraised eyebrows will probably make my eyes pop some. This will usually be followed by a very pronounced "WHAT?" If it has tremendous influence, my heart will race and feel like it's trying to rip right out of my chest.

Some people will want to lash out at shocking news and try to restrain themselves from doing so. If my character is sitting, and whatever is said outrages him/her, I'll have the knuckles whiten from clutching the chair's arms. If he/she is standing, maybe the hands will form fists.

As you can see there's more than just the eyes to portray shock. Depending on how strong this shock is, it can affect the whole body. It just depends how descriptive you wish to be in picturing it for your readers. Sometimes a small raise of the eyebrows is sufficient enough to get your point across. It just depends on the circumstances.

Posted by wetwilly (Member # 1818) on :

There's really only one way to accurately describe this phenomenon:

"Her eyes dilated like the cervix of a nine-and-a-half-months-pregnant woman."

Posted by geronl (Member # 9156) on :

lol

Posted by skadder (Member # 6757) on :

You will need to learn how to describe many different facial expression/mood combos. It is simply a matter of practice. Try to focus on the small details that you would pick up on if you were the actual POV character and were seeing the shock spread through that specific person.

As I said, it isn't all about the eyes.

e.g.

1st person:

"He died two hours ago. I'm sorry."
She just stared at me for a moment, her face draining of colour, her eyes fluttering like butterflies. "W..what?"

3rd.

"He died two hours ago. I'm sorry," Jack said.
Gina swayed a little, her eyes dull as though she'd been struck. For a moment she just stared at him, but then a tear rolled down her cheek; she reached in her bag for a tissue and wiped it away. "H..ow did it happen?"

How characters react to things (therefore how you describe it) defines them--there are subtle differences you can exploit.

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited July 21, 2010).]

Posted by johnbrown (Member # 1467) on :

Like Skadder's stuff. I also find "her eyes went wide with surprise" to convey the picture to me. The key is clarity and vividness. And that was clear to me.