I'm using a few non-english words in a story I am working on. In both cases, the words could be translated to english, but I think it is more flavorful to use the words relevant to the MCs character.
In the scene, the MC's mother is telling him about how the stars remind her of 'the Malaika.' This is a flashback, so the narration indicates that his mother had told him the Malaika are heavenly beings.
I could just call them angels, because basically that is what they are. I hesitated to do so because I did not want to infuse the western preconception of angels into the story.
So, is the line in which the narration explains the Malaika as heavenly beings important? Part of me wants to cut it out and leave it to the reader to guess from the context, but part of me doesn't want to confuse the reader either.
There is also a reference later in the flashback to 'Jibril', which is Arabic for Gabriel. This would also hint that the Malaika are angels. I'm just not sure if the name is close enough to "Gabriel" for the connection to be made.
Any thoughts on the matter?
Posted by tchernabyelo (Member # 2651) on :
While I like to explain by context rather than exposition, I think it's something you need to be very careful about - you need to be sure that the reader can make the right inference, that there aren't other possible interpretations. Just saying that "the stars remind me of the Malaika" means nothing; the Malaika could be virtually anything, because it's too internal to the character's experience and the reader is hardly likely to guess that she means angels. I'd suggest you need to find some way of adding a little more context... something like "the way the stars look down on us, wise and compassionate, reminds me of the Malaika" would give a better clue as to what you are talking about, though I am sure you can do better than that.
Posted by Osiris (Member # 9196) on :
I guess in this case an excerpt would make sense. This is how I have this section of the story structured right now:
“It’s like the Malaika, each and every one, are dancing in the heavens!” she had said. “Like a grand ball, Adelai, with everyone waltzing about everyone else!” She sighed. “If only Jibril would send his winged steed to take us to the party.”
Does it seem you can infer angels from this?
[This message has been edited by Osiris (edited September 14, 2010).]
Posted by TamesonYip (Member # 9072) on :
I am not sure if I would get angels exactly, but I think I would get the right idea. Like from that, I would not think angels as messengers of heaven who act like guardians and all the standard angel imagery. I would get the idea of some sort of heavenly being, though if you then told me that they were green with purple dots, I would be cool with that. If you said angels and then told me green with purple dots I would be confused.
Posted by Pyre Dynasty (Member # 1947) on :
I think it works as it is. I get the heavenly being vibe. I don't think translation is necessarily necessary.
Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :
Thought I saw "Jibril" rendered in Roman alphabet spelling as "Gebril" somewhere, but I don't remember where. There are so many different ways of spelling Arabic in Western tongues...be sure to find out where your spellings are coming from, just so you don't mix-and-match...at least not to any great degree...and that the words you use fit with each other...
Also I'm thinking that how you paint the "Malaika" as "heavenly beings" depends on whether they're referred to, or whether they appear on stage with the other actors...
Posted by Osiris (Member # 9196) on :
What you saw was the Egyptian dialect version of Gabriel. Unlike formal Arabic and all the other dialects, Egyptians pronounce the the J sound as a hard G as we do in English. In the story, the characters are from Jerusalem and so Jibril would be appropriate was to spell it.
In the case of my story, the Malaika are only referred to, and do not appear on stage. Its just a wistful moment for one of the characters.
Posted by PB&Jenny (Member # 9200) on :
Your excerpt was very descriptive to my mind. It gave me the distinct impression of angelic heavenly beings. I don't think you'll have any problem with it.