I've been thinking about how to trim/cut up the opening to be a bit later, but it's difficult. The ideas I have now are:
1) Keep the opening mostly as-is, but instead of the MC just looking at things right up front, he's bothered by them, implying the arc
2) Start with a flashback to childhood where he has a fight, which implies a separate but related arc, but then the second character named is relatively minor and the third never appears again
3) Jump way into the (current) second chapter where he gets switched on by the appearance of his key motivator (another character), but then try to explain exactly why it is that he gets switched on at this point, which would involve a lot more internal dialogue and descriptives out of nowhere
So 2 and 3 are structural changes, major but I think I can wrangle them. In the interests of considering all options, is there a decent approach for a descriptive opening that works (option 1)? I think Focault's Pendulum starts like this if I remember correctly. Can anyone name some good examples of descriptive first pages that work in recent fiction?
I think I'm going to try it all 3 ways and just see which one feels best, but I'd like some pointers from people with more experience. Thanks.
Rather than simply describing the painting, make it personal to your character. Make us understand your character, and why he cares about this thing. The more we know about why he cares, the more we, as readers, will care as well. But your readers will want to know--why is this painting important, why are we looking at this? How does your character feel about the painting? Is it possible for another character to be there, and they can discuss the painting? Or you can make sure that your viewpoint character has a strong voice, so the reader really feels like he is there.
You can try 3, too, but it carries with it a larger risk of confusing the reader, and also might seem contrived, depending on how well you pull it off.
Either way, try to make sure that your chapter 1 is not an info dump. Try to reveal all of the elements you mentioned through some sort of emotion or action or dialogue. In other words, be sure you are showing these things rather than telling.
Good luck!
M
Some thoughts:
- Why do you need to dump out all of this exposition at the front? People care about character, but perhaps you should SHOW character instead. Try to figure out ways to describe the character through action. No one will be upset if you start with movement -- and I'll bet you can do it creatively without much exposition. A dynamic story doesn't have to be bang-bang action -- it just has to move through the narrative. Remember, this is a story, not a list of character traits and plot points.
- A lot of the pros argue against using flashbacks and dream sequences unless they are ABSOLUTELY necessary. Are yours?
An example might be a man walking through a museum, looking at paintings. Perhaps he has someone with him. You can allude to problems and show character detail in the midst of carrying the story forward:
Javert picked up the vase, hands trembling. His long, calloused fingers looked so out of place on the laquered finish. His entire countenance, the spitting image of an old union man, looked out of place in the clean halls of the MOMA.
Anna turned to him, red lips twisting in a smile. "You like that one?"
"Not especially." He took a deep breath and choked a little, his glacial eyes distant. "It just reminds me of someone. Someone I thought I knew a whole lot better than I did."
Anna placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's all right."
"No," Javert said. He set the vase down and pull away from her touch. He his wiped hands on his long pants, as if to clean them. "It's not."
Overall, I'd argue that you don't need the description / motivations / background / family / passions / dysfunctions in one spoonful. Hemingway argued that omitting points actually strengthens a story. If you haven't read on his iceberg theory, I've posted a link.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iceberg_Theory
[This message has been edited by JBShearer (edited March 31, 2011).]
As said, make it personal to your character. Let us know what he or she is going to face and why it's important to them.
RE: flashbacks, I think I can drop them. They were windows into his thought model based on triggering events in his past and a syndrome, but I don't think they're necessary now. Probably can do it more elegantly, although I'm still working on doing that without having it a "parenthetical flashback," i.e., "He remembered when he was a kid this thing happened and so therefore..." There is at least one that's needed later on, because he edits his own memories, although I'll see if I can kill that one as well.
JBShearer: I thought the iceberg theory was more about layers of symbolism? It can apply here as well, I guess.
Honestly, I'm perfectly happy with dropping the whole chapter if it makes for a better open. Just looking for ideas on the best way to redo it.
Personally, I'd leave out unnecessary details about the character. The iceberg theory does speak to symbolism, but it seems that a big portion of it regards including the right details and omitting the right details, so that the reader fills in the gaps with their own emotions.
I'd suggest taking your ideas with option one. Depending on the tone, though, you may want to rewrite the whole chapter. As long as the reader is engaged in the first paragraph, page, and chapter, as long as she's asking enough questions, you're probably fine. Maybe you can shift the "lush examination of a painting" to paragraph three or four? Perhaps there can be an urgency to the examination (looking for clues)?
If there's a natural place to insert the description after the hook, it might be less of a speed bump. But only you (and perhaps your editor) can determine if its necessary to the story. If it isn't, throw it out.
I think my real problem with the opening is more about urgency. It's just too static as it stands, and I don't think I foreshadowed enough of the total arc up front (understandable since I think I wrote it in December and finished the draft last weekend). I'll play with it and see if I can do it with minimal restructure; if that fails, it goes to scrapland. Thanks.
I'm sure that if you try you will see you don't need to reveal that info in the beginning. Try revealing info in micro doses and in a matter of fact way.
Edit: Beginning with action doesn't mean gunfights or anything like that. Just something that is opposite to passive beginning like thinking or dreaming (sure, dreaming can be active but that's been discussed in length).
[This message has been edited by MartinV (edited April 01, 2011).]