Micah Talib is a member of an order of priests charged by god with defending their nation’s border by thinning the numbers of those who live beyond it. After years of blind and bloody obedience to the voice of his god, Micah discovers a book that raises questions about god’s true nature. When Micah seeks answers to those questions, he is launched on an adventure of discovery that will decide the fate of two nations.

 

I would consider using "clerics", "monks" or some other term than "priests". Perhaps you don't need the term at all....

"Micah Talib is a member of a militant order devoted to destroying the enemies of his god."

No, I guess that "member" ends up filling in there. I think that "cleric" or "monk" works better in that place, depending on the flavor of his order. If he uses magic or is heavily armed, then cleric might work better. If he travels lightly and is armed only with simple weapons, then "monk" works.

Anyway, give us the rest of that information in another sentance. Other than that, I think it has great traction as a hookish summary. I don't know whether I'm fully accurate in my appraisal of the thematic structure of the book or anything, but it certainly perks my interest.
 

"Priest" is going to have a specific religious connotation to most readers so you might want to avoid it. Survivor's suggestions are pretty good. May I suggest:

Micah Talib is a monk charged with defending his nation by thinning the numbers of unbelievers outside its boarders.

I'm going to assume that his deity charged him and that the deity would want to protect his followers even if they live in the "wrong" country. Are they also trying to take over the other country or just go in and kill people? I assume they also want to take more land/converts but maybe not.

I'm not sure you need the "After years of blind . . . of his god . . " Unless you tell me it's his first time, I'll assume he's been doing it for a while.

"When Micah seeks . . " might work better as "Seeking the truth propels Micah . . . " into something other than an "adventure of discovery" which feels cliche to me.

I think you are on the right path.

 

I've been having a battle with myself for months about whether to call Micah a "priest," or a "monk," or a "cleric." Reading your suggestions inspired me to the answer that finally feels right: none of the above. I believe I'll call members of his order prophets, in a deliberate misuse of the term that the "prophets" themselves are unaware of, having never heard the word prophet applied to anything except themselves.

Wbriggs, you're wildly wrong about the plot. But rereading the hook, I see why a reasonable person is likely to reach the conclusion you reached.

Now I need to figure out a way to simplify the sentences and reveal a little more about the plot while remaining very concise. . . . No problem.
 

Don't use words in anything other than their accepted meaning in a summary, unless you put it in quotes to clearly signal that this is being used in some sense other than the conventional meaning. They can call themselves studmuffins for all we care, but you shouldn't call them that in your summary. Well, you probably shouldn't call them that anyway. If you need to mention the name they call themselves for some reason, then say "x, called 'Y'," so that it's clear that the term is simply a label, not a description.

I would also consider expanding on your available labels; "hermits", "ascetics", "flagellents", "pilgrims", "confessors", "mystics", or whatever. But that doesn't really affect the need to choose a proper descriptive term for them. We need to know what they are far more than we need to know what they're called.
 

Survivor, your point about language is well taken, but the misuse of religious terms like "priest" or "prophet" has plot and thematic importance. After reading your comment, I made a note to myself to make sure to insert some very early dialogue to clue the reader that the term "prophet" is not being used according to its common meaning. As far as the summary goes, you're probably right about dropping the "custom" term altogether.
 

If there's a giant genre twist, then you need to mention that in your query. But I don't think that's what is happening. It's just a secret group which has a technological advantage that they pass off as "magic" or "miracle" to maintain political control through religious manipulation.

I still think that you should choose a term with more specific connotations than "prophet" as the appellation for these monks or whatever. "Seers" and "mystics" both spring to my mind. The problem with "prophet" is that it has far too many possible associations, there is very little chance that the reader will choose the right interpretation. Unless you are only going for the "they're false prophets" bit, but that wouldn't work well as a perception twist because the monks are the ones being decieved, not the ones doing the decieving. But that's really got nothing to do with the summary, where you needn't use the term at all, whatever it is.

Anyway, I think that the summary as it is just needs a punchier first line.