A thunderous bang came from the back of the private jet. The tail of the plane crumbled, piece by piece, from an intense yellow light. The smell of burning jet fuel filled the air. It almost choked and smothered everyone inside. Winds rushed in from the outside. The twins scrambled to get away from the gaping hole. Boulder saw their eyes were droplets of fear, unable to stop staring at the terror that was happening. Boulder grabbed both of their hands and pulled both of them toward him. His aged wizened face was full of grim alarm. This was what he had feared all along. An ambush. He knew it couldn’t be as simple as using a jet to transport the children. He reached into his pocket and took out a silver metal ball. A yellow aura surrounded the ball. It turned into a golden *** Genre: MG/YA urban fantasy Title: NA Word count: 70,000 (will edit to get under 60,000)
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 06, 2007).]
Posted by tigertinite (Member # 4803) on :
Very good imagry, but you seem to be forgetting something fairly important in your hook, people. I would simply rearrange your prose to let the reader care about the plane crash, because the order it is in now I don't care until Boulder comes into the picture.