This is the first of a completed trilogy. Word count either 118,000 (250 words/page) or 133,000 (MS-Word word count). Looking for volunteers to read partial or more. I'm posting only the first 10 lines, which are a quote from a chronicle and serve as a prologue. ----------------- “Prior to The Bleeding, Valadost had been a land subject to a single High-King, even during the height of the Doom-Sage’s many short-lived conquests. Yet, peace was elusive. As long as each vassal kingdom was allied with its own Sage and the Master-Shard was an object for contention, war was imminent. And no Sage who possessed the Shard was satisfied; he used the Impêrum game-boards to gain more dominion and, so, the threat of war became war itself. Then, once the Sages learned how to kill one another, those few who remained were but the most powerful, and their wars for the Master-Shard the most devastating, culminating with The Bleeding itself. But who could have foreseen that after The Bleeding, Valadost would be split in two: The Fasthold in the east; The Doomrêyk
--From “The Chronicles Of Brend” ------------------ Anyone interested?
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 22, 2007).]
Posted by arriki (Member # 3079) on :
I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Too much information. Too many references to unknown events and people and things.
Slow down. Make it more story and less history lesson.
Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :
Read like an info-dump.
Posted by DebbieKW (Member # 5058) on :
I'm one of those people that actual does read prologues, but this is one of those types of prologues that I'd skip over. Because it's on F&F, I tried very hard to concentrate and figure out what was happening. I even read it twice. Frankly, still have no idea what it's saying beyond "there was a lot of fighting and now a country that was once one is now split in two." You're not going to hook me into reading your story (even as a critiquer) from that. What is this story going to be about? At this point, I have no idea. Have you strongly considered whether this information is really necessary here or if it could be worked into the narrative as it's important?
Posted by appletree (Member # 6702) on :
What is F&F?
Nevermind. Figured it out
[This message has been edited by appletree (edited October 22, 2007).]
Posted by RobertB (Member # 6722) on :
You're dumping too much info. Get on with the story.
Posted by 4bignoise (Member # 6697) on :
Um, I think I'm detecting a pattern here. I think I'll, uh, just get on with the story. Thanks all for the prompt replies. I appreciate them.
