I had a dream last night, last night I had a dream . . . but it wasn't in black and white, and involved a bunch of Airstream trailers and a post-modern Arabic world with magic and giant bugs:
Sadira thought about going back the hotel room until she relaxed enough to fall asleep, but the lobby bazaar was hopping, spilling out into the street and down the broad roadway beyond, and she decided to go exploring instead. It was not as if the stolid lunk of a husband she was married to would be available to notice one way or another. He would remain in meeting for hours, she was sure, oblivious to the night magic that was calling her name, luring her feet into the narrow pathways between shops. sending up sparks of amazement and delight everywhere she looked. It took Sadi about thirty seconds to dodge her bodyguards and escape to the freedom of the fragrant streets. The bodyguards were more for show than anything else, really - there wasn't
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited August 16, 2008).]
Posted by WouldBe (Member # 5682) on :
You're doing a novel-a-month, now? That really pisses me off, Deb, since I can't do a short story every month. Kathleen, is there a rule limiting the rate of novel postings? There should be.
I'm a little nervous about beginning a story with a dream sequence, and in this case the dream prelude seems pretty removed from the dream narrative. I like the dream narrative quite a bit and no doubt it will converge with the prelude, but that takes a bit of faith in the writer. Faith-in-the-writer is minimal in the first-13 world view. [Officiousness over.]
I have no idea how recognizable the song lyric is, but the repeat of the inversion bothers me a bit. (There is a current thread in the "Writing" forum about using lyrics, BTW. Worth looking at.)
As I said, I like the narrative and seems like a fun story. (What's the subgenre, if any?)
Nits: He would remain in meeting for hours,...: meetings or a meeting
pathways between shops.[comma] sending up sparks of amazement
Posted by debhoag (Member # 5493) on :
No, wouldbe - I had a dream . The plot for this story is it. that's not part of the beginning, that's the explanation for where the idea came from. Although, now that you mention it . . . maybe there's a novel there.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
Hmmm. I took it that the 13 lines started with "Sadira...."
Posted by debhoag (Member # 5493) on :
yep. Sadira is the start, although I was hoping the word 'jinn' would make the cut. Sigh. As for genre, I would think space operatic, kind of, Aladdin and the 40 thieves. If Aladdin was a woman. With a cross-dressing brother. And was being chased by a 12 foot black bug from another galaxy. And Airstream trailers were all in vogue for the sheik who has simply everything. Did I mention just a soupcon of Dukes of Hazard?
[This message has been edited by debhoag (edited August 16, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by debhoag (edited August 16, 2008).]
Posted by WouldBe (Member # 5682) on :
Yeah, I knew that *cough*. Of course, the dream thing wasn't part of the opening *wheeze*. Whaddya take me for, a dope? *hack wheeze*
Posted by debhoag (Member # 5493) on :
Carry on, oh fearless leader.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
Hey, WouldBe, it might have been the real beginning. It could have been the front end of a frame to the story.
Posted by debhoag (Member # 5493) on :
Only if I wasn't an incredibly shallow writer. Wouldbe bethought me better than I wasbe. Ing.
[This message has been edited by debhoag (edited August 16, 2008).]
Posted by SolarStone (Member # 3524) on :
Tell, tell, tell, all you do is tell. This beginning would be so wonderful if you’d show us how she dodges the bodyguards and demonstrate why she perceives her husband this way, and so on. I sense you want to get us into the bazaar or on the streets where the ‘action’ is ASAP, but you skipped a bunch to do it.
Posted by Reagansgame (Member # 8149) on :
. The plot for this story is it. that's not part of the beginning, that's the explanation for where the idea came from. Although, now that you mention it . . . maybe there's a novel there.