It was war, or so many had imagined. The children ran around the village, throwing rocks and clashing sticks as if swords. They could be heard chanting, their feeble war cries resonating in the fine air. These were just games though, causing no harm to anyone’s well being. Just years before their brethren had done the same, for they spawned the interest. Alex and Adrian are their names.
They clashed swords at the break of dawn every day, swiftly maneuvering around Mr. Dawson’s tree. Many watched from Dawson’s cottage or further North to the crops. Some wonder why they do so. Dawson himself says it came from their childish imaginations. Ulysses the Old would say it was in Alex’s blood to fight. For Adrian had always followed Alex in is
[This message has been edited by OlsenOlsen (edited October 20, 2008).]
The tense shift in the last sentence of the first paragraph is jarring; might want to make it a paragraph unto itself, or change it. In the second paragraph I'm still unable to discern if Alex and Adrian are alive (or dead characters from the past).
[This message has been edited by Swordsman (edited October 20, 2008).]
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It was war, or so many had imagined. The children ran around the village, throwing rocks and clashing sticks as if swords. They could be heard chanting, their feeble war cries resonating in the fine
[uh...this is just filler description: "fine air" doesn't mean anything by itself.]
air. These were just games though, causing no harm to anyone’s well being. Just years before their brethren
[because of the phrasing here, it sounds like *their brethren* is something other than just fellow human male beings. Why not something less misleading, like *their brothers* or *other boys*?]
had done the same, for they spawned the interest.
[The interest in what? This sentence doesn't work unless The Interest is an army division, mystical power, or some other specific phrase.]
Alex and Adrian are their names.
[TENSE makes no sense here. I understand the beginning as quasi past-perfect or something, and leaping into the present tense jars.]
They clashed [back to past here] swords at the break of dawn every day, swiftly maneuvering around Mr. Dawson’s tree.
[Okay, okay. Now I really think you're confused about what's going on yourself. "Mr. Dawson" screams Britisher or American middle class to me. Up till now, I've thought (because of the archaic grammar) that this was set way in the past.]
Many watched from Dawson’s cottage [does he hold many tea parties?] or further North to the crops. Some wonder why they do so. Dawson himself says it came from their childish imaginations. Ulysses the Old would say it was in Alex’s blood to fight. For Adrian had always followed Alex in is
I'm sorry, this reads as non-native English. If it is not your first language, you need to work more on basic grammatical matters. It's too hard to evaluate a story for itself when the language is unprofessional.
(If English is your native language, you *also* need to do this.)
Don't be down-hearted. I'm sure you can get better.
[This message has been edited by ArachneWeave (edited November 18, 2008).]