Prologue
Power and pain filled her. Power so sweet, so intense, MC didn’t know if she could bear it. And pain…pain of loss and grief. “Gramma Annie?” she whispered, afraid to open her eyes, afraid of what she would see revealed in her grandmother’s dying face, afraid of losing the power now filling her, afraid of not losing the power. “Gramma? Is it always like this?”
“Yes, Meg, hush now. All is as it should be. I love you. You have done well, so well…”
Her grandmother’s voice grew dim as MC lost herself in this new world of power and pain, sweetness and loss. As her consciousness faded away she knew with utter certainty that her life would never be the same.
[This message has been edited by screynolds (edited December 28, 2008).]
I don't have any complaints on your prose here. It's pretty clear what is happening. If I could find a complaint it would be this....
This looks like your entire prologue. If it is, why bother? You could do this as a flash back in a later chapter.
quote:
afraid of losing the power now filling her, afraid of not losing the power.
This line frustrates me quite a bit. I can understand there might be a reason she fears both losing it and keeping it, but until I know that reason, it just irks me.
As Snapper says, if this is the entirety of the prologue, I don't think it would be necessary, and perhaps better upon a flashback, or something of the sort. I wouldn't want to start off with something so short, and then afterwards, be thrust into the story.
All in all good work, though. Keep it up.
Pick a good name for your MC. Names matter.