So the purpose of this post is basically to see if a reader would want to finish this book, having opened the first page and read the hook. If any awesome friend feels the urge to request an outline and/or email updates as i write along, feel free and i'd be psyched to oblige. here goes:
Sitting alone, Amos Mourant didn't realize that, already, fate had sentenced him, that the great white mansion on which his eyes were fastened held only ill-fortune for him. If he had known, he might have thought that the sky was gray because it frowned, or the snowflakes that melted as they touched his face were heaven's tears. But, sitting on the fence, his feet dangling above the ground and his chin in his hands, Amos knew only that he was in love.
He was young, ruddy-cheeked, and wore a golfer's cap pulled low on his head and a black coat buttoned up to his neck. Tall and gangly, with big hands and big feet, he still had the passing beauty of youth, if none of his own. But it only mattered to Amos what one person thought when she
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited March 20, 2009).]
Posted by satate (Member # 8082) on :
You're just a tad over thirteen lines, very dangerous.
[This message has been edited by satate (edited March 19, 2009).]
[This message has been edited by satate (edited March 20, 2009).]
Posted by satate (Member # 8082) on :
I like your opening. Third person omniescient isn't used very often but I like the tone and narrator's comments and opinions add to the story. I would read on, I like your style.
Posted by shimiqua (Member # 7760) on :
I like your style too. By this point I would be settling in for a long read.
How much do you have written?
Oh, and if you are looking for a friend, you're more than welcome in the novel support group. We update each other on our progress, exchange chapters, whine and celebrate each others success.
~Sheena
Posted by RDuffy (Member # 5558) on :
Thanks guys, yeah i guess i was a little over the standard thirteen...oops. I'm semi new here, i joined a couple of years back, I guess I took a few years hiatus to deal with school, but i'm ready to be serious about this piece, with a couple of characters strong in my head, a few more fluid, and a solid plot semi-outlined. I only have 3500 words or so right now, but if anyone would like to read more, i would be delighted to send the full of this introduction and the rest of this chapter. the intro i have pretty solid; everything else is fluid, within the general plot direction.
Posted by fugsspot (Member # 8539) on :
I have to say, I really liked this opening 13. It's concise and well worded, and in 13 lines you've placed the reader on location, peaked interest into fate's plans, let us know he's in love, and used a technique that always appeals to me: described the location/weather/surroundings in a way that evokes my understanding of either the character or forshadows the upcoming events.
feels the urge to request an outline and/or email updates as i write along, feel free and i'd be psyched to oblige. here goes: