Hatrack River Writers Workshop: 1st 13 of my novel in a month challenge

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Posted by Juls Reed (Member # 8626) on :

PROLOGUE: I missed a step. Fear gripped me suddenly. I wasn’t protected when I crossed over without him. I moved again out of the flow of people trying to think through my dull headache. He told me I was obvious to them even in a sea of people. Here there was no escape.

CHAPTER ONE: I met Julian just after he moved to Manhattan Beach. April fourth was the last day of my unremarkable life. April fifth was the start of something else entirely. He had been at school for a week and I seemed to see him everywhere. Always close, always watching.
On April fifth he spoke up.

Posted by MarciusAlman (Member # 8619) on :

Why a Prologue? It is hard enough to get a first 13 to "pop" without splitting it into a prologue and chpt.

I had to put aside my natural adversion to 1st person POV when I read this. I think people believe it is easier to write, and in some ways it may be to easier to convey thoughts and emotions, however, it can be much more difficult to write well.

I actually like the vibe of the opening, but was confused by the transition into chpt 1. As near as I can tell, the two could be combined into one another with little lost. Though I'm not sure if it has the correct hook.

I need more info to even decide if I would want to continue reading...

[This message has been edited by MarciusAlman (edited May 22, 2009).]

Posted by Juls Reed (Member # 8626) on :

Very understandable. I actually share your aversion to this POV, ha ha. But the novel in a month challenge had me cranking out about 1500+ words a day with no exceptions so once I was a few days in I felt totally stuck with it. It worked alright for this story but I don't think I'll ever make that mistake again.

As for the prologue and chapter business I'm honestly stumped. I feel like I have zero interest in the first 10 pages. But they feel necessary and I can't figure out what to do with it. The story follows a plain old teenage love triangle for the first few chapter with just a little mystery here and there and then a bunch of fantasy gets thrown in. What can I do to have a hook but lead with the mundane? Maybe it's just the fatal flaw of this story but if you have any ideas, please help!

Thanks for the comments!

Posted by GailGreen (Member # 8622) on :

I like this intro. There is definitely a hook - why does the MC need to escape, what happened between April fifth and the prologue? I get the sense that something creepy is coming. I agree with MarciusAlman that it is unnecessary to identify the first paragraph as a prologue.

Some picky (and hopefully helpful) stuff:

Can you come up with something less trite than "fear gripped me suddenly"? Maybe describe how the fear felt.

"I moved again out of the flow of people trying to think through my dull headache." The people were trying to think through the MC's headache? Try putting the last clause first.

"Here there was no escape." Where?

Some of my favorite books have been written in first person, but it is good to examine if it is the best POV for the story.

Keep writing!

Posted by Juls Reed (Member # 8626) on :

Thanks for the tips! Definitely helpful!