The retired champion was in the back of his bar when he heard a noise. He looked up at the security monitor.

In front of the counter stood a man in a trenchcoat. On the counter sat an open briefcase full of cash. Next to the briefcase lay a piece of paper and a pen.

"I've had enough of these guys," he growled under his breath as he bolted to the front of the bar.

"The answer is no," Sam declared without inquiring about identity or details.

"You haven't even read the contract," the boxing promoter said, gesturing at the paper.

.........

Looking for feedback about the intro chapter and the synopsis.
moreheadalumni @ yahoo.com

[This message has been edited by adamatom (edited November 03, 2009).]

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited November 04, 2009).]
 

I don't see anything really wrong with the writing, but it doesn't really catch my interest. Sorry to say, it feels like the beginning of a Rocky movie to me... like the last one i think it was? It sounds like it might be going somewhere, but as it stands, not pulling me in.
 

A couple of things. The first 13 are a bit flat. I think the character Sam might be interesting but we don't get to know much about him in this little bit. The scenario doesn't say much either other than he's a retired boxer who doesn't want to fight anymore. Perhaps you could put in a bit about why he doesn't want to fight or why others want him to so much.

Chris