HOUSE OF SKYE (Contemporary fantasy)

William took a moment to admire the painting with the receptionist. She occasionally moved her eyes to him, feigning attention to the work. He didn't know if that meant interest in him or indifference in the work. He played indifferent... probably too well.
"It's a real place?" she asked. William nodded. That was one of his rules.
“It’s a rendering of the Seven Sisters Waterfall in Norway," he said.
“Ahh. So...what’s the piece called?”
“…The Seven Sisters Waterfall in Norway.”
The landscape had found its home in the local police department, on a wall across and in view of the holding area.

..That's it...

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited April 16, 2010).]

[This message has been edited by ChrisDias (edited April 16, 2010).]

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[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited April 19, 2010).]
 

just my 2cp
 

Even if this wasn’t the opening it is difficult for me to imagine why I would want to read about someone painting. If the details of painting are significant to the story you need to get us into the story before you hit us with them. Also your painting seems change from late evening to a ‘carbon black night’.

Devin
 

William Weaver gave a final pass over his landscape, ensuring quality control, before mounting it, wrapping it, and loading it into his Hyundai.

I personally don’t like it when people use full names when introducing a character unless there is a compelling reason to do so. Lots of people who are far better writers than I do it, but I personally don’t like it. More importantly, I don’t think this sentence is doing anything for you other than telling us the MC’s name and I’m unsure of ‘ensuring quality control’ this phrase seems more mechanical then artistic, perhaps that is intentional.

The piece found its home in the holding area of the local police department. Above was a sign which read “Wish you were here”.

Little odd to have a painting in a holding area (I think, never been arrested) I’m moderately interested why. I’m not sure what the sign means are the cops being funny? Wish you were here (the landscape) because then your not our problem.

William took a moment admiring it alongside the precinct receptionist.

Grammar isn’t my strong suit but I think “to admire” is better

She occasionally moved her eyes to him, feigning attention on the work. He didn't know if that meant anything. He played indifferent...too well.

I think it should be “attention to the work”. The phrase “too well” seems like it is suppose to have some punch to it but I’m unsure what you mean. Are we to take from this that he is interested in the receptionist or is this meant more as general comment on William’s personality

“There’s no signature,” she said. 
“It’s small and covered by the frame. Most buyers prefer modesty in their painters.” He lied.

I’m on board, he doesn’t want to take credit for the painting and feels compelled to lie about it. I’m curious why.

Considering where the result was fated to, William felt it appropriate the work remain anonymous.

The first phrase reads funny and I’m not sure I get why he wants it anonymous.

He figured she was his age, at the sunset of their teens, and like him had never seen outside of the town.
‘Sunset of their teens’ is awfully melodramatic.

Devin
 

Devin