Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Reply All, 13 lines

This is topic Reply All, 13 lines in forum Fragments and Feedback for Books at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Beatles (Member # 9110) on :

"Reply All - One confused man’s answers to important…and not-so-important…life questions", is a short book written in a "stream of consciousness" random humor style, where I respond to a laundry list of unrelated questions. It is approximately 25,500 words. The excerpt below is the first 13 lines of the main body, which comes after an introduction. I'm interested in feedback on the overall work.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What is your occupation right now?

Where do I start? Yes, I’m occupied, but do we go so far as to call it an “occupation”? Though I graduated in business, in the years since, I’ve come to view business as merely one of the trickier ways to take people’s money—next to medicine and multi-level marketing. Oh, yes, we convince ourselves our work has meaning, but we convince ourselves of a great many things, including notions that the government is actually working in our best interest and that news anchors exist in real life.

I’m in middle management. I love the term “middle management”. What does that mean, anyway? My wife is amazed that I can spend the better part of an hour trying to decide the best bolts to buy at the home improvement warehouse.

Posted by mr. riggles (Member # 9101) on :

Hmmm, very very interesting. I rather enjoy the undertones of loathing you express for the business world (darn middle management!) - will this be a collection of random thoughts thrown together, or are you going to maintain an overall theme (ie. down with the man, man)?? Nicely written as well.

Posted by Beatles (Member # 9110) on :

Hi, Mr. Riggles. Yes, it is literally a collection of random thoughts. It answers a series of questions--sometimes related, sometimes not--just as you might receive in one of those long e-mails where someone asks you to "tell us about your life". There is even a section devoted to Christmas questions.

The overall tone is somewhat sarcastic. While I realize this is the lowest form of wit...it's all I've got.

Posted by Nick T (Member # 8052) on :

Hi Beatles,

What are you intended to do with this story? 25K words is very uncomfortably placed in commercial terms; novellas are notoriously hard to sell.

Comedy is very subjective, which makes hitting an editor’s eye very hit-and-miss. It is also non-fiction comedy, which is harder to sell without an existing audience (i.e. Jerry Seinfield can sell a book answering rhetorical questions, but can Joe Bloggs?)

Given all this, it might be easier to critique if we have some idea of what you want to do with it and why.

Posted by Beatles (Member # 9110) on :

Hi, Nick. Good questions. The book would be comparable in form to the "Letters from a Nut" series that were endorsed by Seinfeld in that it follows no single theme, but rather presents a number of different questions and responses, all of which are designed to be somewhat ridiculous. I thought that series was gut-splitting funny; but you make a good point that I have no name brand to interest a reader, nor is it clear whether this book is even remotely funny. That's why I want to get some feedback from the folks here. I want to see if it's sellable and get suggestions on improvements if it's worth pursuing.

The audience would be 25 - 30 and older. It would have particular appeal to individuals who have entered the computer age (even reluctantly), especially those that work within professional office settings. It would also appeal to parents with young children. Basically, it’s a poke at life experiences.

Posted by Nick T (Member # 8052) on :

Hi,

I’m no expert on non-fiction (or fiction for that matter), but I gain the impression platform is very important in any kind of non-fiction. From what I can tell about “Letters from a Nut” (I haven’t read it) is that it has two advantages; a platform through the endorsement of Jerry Seinfield (the introduction is a very strong platform, moreso than a mere cover blurb) and a central concept with a great deal of selling power (poking fun at humorless corporate and government culture in a clear and easily understandable way).

If you don’t have a pre-existing platform, can you sell the concept? And can you re-write it with structure? I’ve read that the articles editor in the New Yorker strongly prefers pieces that have a beginning, middle and end rather than just a list. I’ve also read advice from the book editors at Random House that it’s very hard to place humor that is just humour; in other words, they want themes and structure to the humor.

If the book is just your observations about the world, perhaps it would be better to pace and structure it.

I’m a bit reluctant to take on more critiquing work for people I don’t know at the moment. Humor is also a bit dangerous to critique; sometimes all you can say is “I didn’t laugh” rather than offering clear technical reasons why you didn’t laugh.

Regards,

Nick

Posted by Beatles (Member # 9110) on :

Thanks, Nick. I appreciate the idea of putting it in thematic order and I may have to entertain a complete restructure based on the feedback of reviewers if the current form doesn't work. I also totally understand your reluctance to read large segments if you are not dying to as I know everyone here has limited time and Hatrack members are realistically only going to explore the topics/writers that really interest them. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

I welcome any and all advice from humor aficionados or people who are just bored... Thanks, folks!

Posted by macmicool on :

Hi, new here so bear with me please.

I noticed something, if your intention is sarcastic wit that is fine, but you need people to laugh. Take the last line:

quote:
I’m in middle management. I love the term “middle management”. What does that mean, anyway? My wife is amazed that I can spend the better part of an hour trying to decide the best bolts to buy at the home improvement warehouse.

You are talking about middle management, in which most of the time nothing is really ever accomplished. Right? So why are you talking about your wife? That seems to through the rhythm off a bit here. what if your were to reword the punch line something like this:
What does that mean, anyway? It means that I can spend the better part of an hour trying to decide the best bolts to buy at the home improvement warehouse.
Something like this would reference what middle management is like without saying it.

You just need to keep the funny side open with each sarcastic or negative comment or question. The idea is that you are turning all frustrations around in a funny way. I think you are off to a good start.

Mike

[This message has been edited by macmicool (edited June 11, 2010).]