Hatrack River Writers Workshop: "Pariah Complex" dystopian future

This is topic "Pariah Complex" dystopian future in forum Fragments and Feedback for Books at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by wetwilly (Member # 1818) on :

This is the first paragraph from my novel synopsis...

What happens when humanity’s savior decides he is fed up with humanity and he’s just going to let the whole lot of them go to hell?
It is the near future and a totalitarian government, the United Earth Parliament led by PRIME MINISTER BARANWAL, has succeeded in conquering most of the world. Only a few pockets of unconquered, free people remain scattered across the globe. The United Earth Parliament’s policy is to remove all people with physical or mental handicaps, or “half-people,” from decent society and lock them all up in Baranwal International Penitentiary, a giant prison complex hidden deep in the rain forests of Brazil.

Anybody care to crit the synopsis? (1.5 pages single-spaced). Looking for feedback on if the synopsis would interest you in reading the whole manuscript.

Posted by CharityBradford (Member # 8988) on :

The idea is intriguing. Is the first line your hook? After reading it I wanted to know more about that person, but then you continued with something else. I know you need it though, and it may just need a line break so my head can shift gears.

I'll take a look if you want. Maybe we can trade? I'm struggling with my synopsis. I need to cut at least another page out of it.

my email is charity.bradford@gmail.com