It was always a mild surprise to see how small the house appeared to her, how close the woods were pressed in around it. It struck Kamiko as odd that childhood memories still determined her perspective of her home. Once it had been a mansion of splendor, miles from the city, set in the protective embrace of a deep and primordial forest. Now she saw it as the squat little cottage it was, no more than a minutes stroll from the edge of the tiny village. Perspective was such a powerful thing. It had changed her life again and again, one moment to the next, in the span of a drawn breath. The whole of creation had turned over since she’d last seen this place. The woman she had been was gone. She felt like a stranger waiting, uninvited outside someone else’s house.
Posted by Osiris (Member # 9196) on :
I like this, I think it is well written. I also liked the bit about power of perspective.
One tiny nit... shouldn't it be "The girl she had been was gone" instead of "The woman she had been was gone". She was a child growing up in the cottage, and is a woman now, correct?
Posted by DRaney on :
Osiris, Thanks for the bump. The next couple of sentences let you know that she was last here only a couple of years ago.
Posted by WouldBe (Member # 5682) on :
I liked the opening. You might consider rewording the opening sentence so that it doesn't begin with the indefinite 'it.' There are two other sentences beginning with 'it,' and seven occurrences of the word, so it became noticeable.
Also consider whether tightening the sentence beginning with 'It had changed her life' will improve it.
Good luck
Posted by DRaney on :
Thanks. "It's the little things..." (Couldn't resist). I seem to have an annoying habit of kicking off the... very. first. sentence. With a grammar fumble. Must work on that. Once I get rolling IT is not so bad.