As some of you know, I have been attempting to write a Super-Hero genre book. I have the basic story already written in my head, so I know what is going on and what has to happen. My problem has been how to focus that into a good start. I still do not have a real title, though I have worked with some, none have WOW'd me. But here are my first 13 in the prologue:
“Care to check out the football game?” The Alliance of Champions member known as Fore-Shadow questioned his partner, Solitaire. “We are supposed to be on…” “Solitaire, Fore-Shadow, how close to Peyton Stadium are you?” Wyld-Star, leader of the Alliance chirped over Solitaire’s communications link. Solitaire turned a knowing glance toward Fore-Shadow. She hated when he did that, hated when he knew things before they were going to happen. “We can be there in a snap, boss.” She replied. “Ok, so what’s going on at the Stadium?” She sighed, turning her attention back to her teammate.
Posted by Denevius (Member # 9682) on :
maybe using a temporary title might focus the beginning a bit more. as it stands now, i think you're throwing too many complicated names at readers that slow down the beginning. then, to juxtapose these names with something as mundane as football doesn't exactly inspire interest.
how much more have you written so far?
Posted by C@R3Y (Member # 9669) on :
I agree with Denevius. I tripped over the names and it made it harder to focus completely on what is happening. For me, at least.
Posted by RLKnight (Member # 9703) on :
Ok, I am guessing the Alliance of Champions is one of the complicated names since Solitaire and Fore-Shadow are simply two characters. It would be no different than opening up with a conversation between Jim and Sally. As for the football game, I needed an area where lots of people gather, where its open yet confined (such as a stadium). The thirteen lines set up that something is happening that requires two super-hero types to take care of it. Since it was stated it is a super-hero genre story. With that said, I can use the shortened version of Alliance of Champions... so its just the Alliance. I do not have to name the Stadium. So that would cut down on complicated names. Denevius, no, checking out a football game in of itself is rather ho hum. I agree. But the larger context of the 13 lines does point to something other than a football game happening at the stadium.
Posted by RLKnight (Member # 9703) on :
I could cut out the first part, simple go to right before Solitaire and Fore-Shadow arrive at the stadium. If I do that, then these 13:
A gash of blue pulsing energy formed before them, a mystic doorway of eldritch force. Solitaire smiled and stepped through the portal followed closely by Fore-Shadow. The streets of Century city melted away like wet paint running down glass. In an instant, Peyton Stadium loomed before them. “It looks quiet enough. Sensing anything?” Fore-Shadow concentrated, sending invisible
Posted by RLKnight (Member # 9703) on :
Den, I have about 12000 words (50 or so pages) written. However, there are parts of the prologue not written yet as well as the end of chapter 1.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
quote:Originally posted by RLKnight: I could cut out the first part, simple go to right before Solitaire and Fore-Shadow arrive at the stadium. If I do that, then these 13:
A gash of blue pulsing energy formed before them, a mystic doorway of eldritch force. Solitaire smiled and stepped through the portal followed closely by Fore-Shadow. The streets of Century city melted away like wet paint running down glass. In an instant, Peyton Stadium loomed before them. “It looks quiet enough. Sensing anything?” Fore-Shadow concentrated, sending invisible
That's only 7 lines by my count. You could add 6 more lines to it, RLKnight.