[ June 03, 2015, 06:23 PM: Message edited by: Denevius ]
Posted by Denevius (Member # 9682) on :
The opening of chapter 3. All comments on this welcomed, as well as comments on the completed first two chapters, which are about 7000 words.
Posted by Grumpy old guy (Member # 9922) on :
You've named the character 'Daniel' 3 times in the first paragraph and once in the first two lines of the second paragraph; afraid we won't remember who he is?
Also, the narrative distance changes between the first paragraph and the second. I don't mind narrative distance changes, in general, but not in the same scene.
Phil.
Posted by Denevius (Member # 9682) on :
Good point. Thanks for the catch with the name. I think it was subconscious. I was unsure what I wanted the name to be for weeks now, but I knew I wanted it to be Biblical, and I finally settled on Daniel. Maybe my "agonizing" over it showed up as repetition in the first draft of the beginning of this chapter.
Now that I think of it, maybe I'll make it Nathaniel. There actually was a guy I knew back in high school with that name who was going to be a priest, and since that's the same road this character's on, it might make it easier to write.
Posted by Denevius (Member # 9682) on :