Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much time craning over garden fances, spying on the neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy [line breaks here]
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Now, the rules governing children's books are actually more dependent on quick and early action than the rules governing "adult" literature. Um, no puns intended here.
This opening 13 line passage, by the standards we seem to want to apply to everything else in Hatrack, is an utter, absolutely atrocious failure:
Where is the main character? Where is the action? Where is the plot hook? Where is the POV? There is nothing here to catch the unnamed editor's eye.
If the 13 Line Rule actually exists, apparently it was not heeded by the editors who bought the book, which has made the author rich beyond her dreams.
quote:Everything else is just description. It isn't much, but it sets the tone for the whole story. You know after reading the title that the content has to do with something strange and mysterious.
They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn’t hold with such nonsense
This opening describes very well what Harry has in store for him, since this will be his home until he is old enough to leave. She sets the stage for the upcoming tension in the story right here.
I think she has shown how successful a single line can be, I applaud her efforts, very clever hook indeed. I hope I can be that clever in my writing.
That said, in SHORT STORIES, there should probably be something in the first 13 lines or so to keep the reader reading. In a novel, whether childrens' or adults, you get a the first few pages to hook someone. I believe this was mentioned in Clockwork Orange, and I feel the need to mention it here.
This is going to be a difficult one for me to comment on since I've read the book about a dozen times (I have it on tape and listen to it while I do the dishes or go on a long trip. ) If I recall the first time I read it, though, I found the opening to be a HOOK. The first sentence just grabbed me straight away. After that it dipped into some exposition, but that is quite normal for children's books, and even the exposition was light and fun. If I recall she soons goes into describing a cat reading a map, and as I love cats that kept speeding me along too.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited February 09, 2004).]
I, personally, could never give someone concrete writing advice on just 13 lines - BUT with those same 13 lines I could definitely get a "feel" for that person's writing style and know if I could be of any help in, say, reading a whole chapter, or entire short story.
Maybe I should try to figure out how to make that clearer in the description.
Has anyone read any Vonnegut? He's another one who can make a great hook out of any event, simply by invoking the special power of his narrator. I'd love to know how to do that.
I think it is a bit like the Sherlock Holmes beginning elsewhere in this topic. I knew what was coming and read despite the beginning to get to the "good part".
As an opening by itself, I found it to be a stinker.
quote:
but what amuses me is that if this was an as-yet-unpublished passage and it was posted in another section of this forum it would have been savaged by erswhile editors, and then rewritten by the fearful submitter, until all its charm were destroyed.
I just happened to encounter it during a phase when the emphasis seems to have been on examing 13 lines primarily for hooks.
Happily, I'm a quick study.
Now if I could just learn to stop getting on my high horse . . .
quote:
Harry Potter dodged the bolt of lightning that came from Lord Voldemort's wand. His own wand lay several feet away. If only he could get to it, he might be able to use one of the defensive spells he had learned during his first year at Hogwarts, the school for young wizards.I'm only eleven years old, he though. I shouldn't have to fight for my life against the most powerful evil wizard in the world. How had he gotten himself into this mess?
It had all started last summer, on his eleventh birthday. . . .