But when it is first-person POV combined with present tense, it just seems to grate on my every nerve.
As a sort of research thing, I've started reading White Wolf's first Vampire: Requiem novel, A Hunger like Fire, by Greg Stolze. The entire book is in first-person, present and it is driving me nuts!!!
So what are your opinions on this opening and on first-person/present in general?
quote:
I open my eyes and I think, What the hell?I'm wrapped in plastic. Crinkly thick stuff, smells kind of like paint.
Looking left and right, nothing hurts, so I try turning myhead. It's all right. Stomach feels okay. So I must've slept right through the hangover. Haven't done that in a while.
I move and my wrapping isn't too tight -- I can get it off my face without a lot of trouble. It's a drop cloth, and I get my head and shoulders free.
I'm in a basement, I think. It's dark, and it feels like I'm in a small space. Everything's dusty, and there's a little light coming in from under the door.
Man. I must have realy tied one on last night. Nina's gonna be pissed.
That said, in the example you've provided, I think 3PLO in past tense would work better, but it might also take the "artsy edge" off.
I think that the biggest problem with this excerpt is that it's too distant. I really wish the writer had gotten inside his/her's characters head instead of just listing what's happening. That's the beauty of first person, no matter what tense you use.
If s/he'd shown more of what the character was thinking as the char went through all his observations, I don't think present tense would be that much of a problem.
Just my thoughts.
The only reason I can see for this author writing this way, is because the story is based on a role playing game and first-person, itemized actions are common in RPG play.
i.e. I jump up and ninja kick my opponent. <roll dice to see if successful>...
anyways, i'm with everyone else, the above stuff is absolute drivel, and is more 3PLO with I and me and other first person words put in place of third person words... and even then, it's not a "story" as much as a list of actions... stories have thought, if they don't, they suck.
quote:The "and I think" is totally superfluous, and is a strong indication that this was probably written in third person originally, and translated (it's not required in 3PL either, but it's more likely to be written in that POV).
I open my eyes and I think, What the hell?
As for the present tense: it's almost always a mistake, whether first or third person, but in certain short stories it can be pulled off. A novel, even when it's done expertly, would always be better in past tense.
In general terms, however, first person present bothers me less that third person present. First person present I can read as a sort of stream-of-consciousness, which does give it a possible advantage over first person past (though at a cost, as well). 3rd person present is totally pointless.
[This message has been edited by Ray (edited March 26, 2005).]
I read this thread a couple of days ago and didn't think much about it. But... as a beginning writer I'm just developing story and character ideas, and I'm trying to improve my writing abilities by writing short fragments - dramatic scenes, dialogues, description, etc. Today I thought about writing a little vignette (300-500 words) on what it feels like to make a military parachute jump. I started thinking something like this:
"We're sitting on a fold-down bench made of canvas over an aluminum frame. Sweat trickles from under my helmet liner and runs down my face. I concentrate on centering myself and keeping my center low in my abdomen, but a sick, hollow feeling fills my stomach, so I just force myself to keep my breathing deep and regular. The plane is bucking and roaring - it's like being inside a boxcar on a very bumpy track. I couldn't understand the trooper next to me if he was shouting in my ear - that's why we use hand signals."
Well, I know the writing's crappy, but that's why I want to try the exercise. I just wrote that down to illustrate my point, and that is that the first person present feels very natural for this exercise - I chose that viewpoint and tense without really thinking about it. On reflection, I think it's because that way is more _immediate_. Try changing to past tense and I think you'll agree that the past tense is weaker, more removed.
On the other hand, I think it would be difficult to write a whole story in present tense, let alone a novel. Maybe it's that present tense can be natural for a brief period of time, but doesn't seem right as time passes between scenes.
Gard
The problem with present tense for stories is that it gives that sense of timelessness, rather than of passing time. In present tense, EVERYTHING is at the same time--NOW. Whereas in past tense, time can still progress. The timelessness of present tense gives it a sort of dream-like quality, which is why I say that it lacks immediacy. But in a description of a moment, it's perfectly appropriate. Put it into past tense, and it stops being a moment and becomes a story.
Good point, Gard.
I've been following the recent comments but couldn't think of anything to say in response . But now I have...sort of...
I finally did finish reading the novel that inspired this thread, and while the story was good, the use of First and Present tense kept jarring me all the way through. It would have been far more effective if it had been in past tense. The first person narrators were actually pretty good with the exception of the tense.
Having had some time to think about WHY ON EARTH this author would chose to write this way, I had a revelation:
The book is based on a role playing game (RPG), and RPGs are played using present tense. When the story-teller or game master or whatever-you-want-to-call-him, leads players through the story, it is always (in my experience) in present tense. i.e. You see this, what do you do? This happens, how do you resond? etc., etc.
Believe it or not, this book was (for the most part) highly recommended by readers on an RPG website -- people used to experiencing stories in a present tense. If that is the case then perhaps this author did the right thing for his audience. If he had been writing for a different demographic, perhaps he would have chosen a different tense.
I like stories that are well-written and engaging, regardless of narrator, POV, or tense. However, imo, present tense (especially with a first-person narrattor) is difficult to write and even more difficult to write well. Often the story is stronger and more accessible if it is delivered in the past tense.
For instance, the opening character, Bruce, had his own voice and the use of 1st/present added to that. When the author changed POV to another character, he kept 1st/present and the voice did not change enough for me to believe this was a different character. He just seemed to write each character the same way and all the "I do this and I do that" became confusing when I constantly needed to remind myself who was speaking.
my posts are always in third person, most people, prior to my joining, were using first person. now, slowly, i seem to have changed their minds and they are naturally sorting themselves out, i think, without even knowing it. they are starting to use third person as well... am i a good or bad influence on these rpgers?