Hatrack River Writers Workshop: F&SF: "Wrong Number" by Alexander Jablokov, September 2007

This is topic F&SF: "Wrong Number" by Alexander Jablokov, September 2007 in forum Discussing Published Hooks & Books at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by oliverhouse (Member # 3432) on :

I like to look at first 13s from other sources, too. If anyone would like to comment, feel free. I'm just going to walk through a few on my way through whatever magazines I'm reading.

This is "Wrong Number" by Alexander Jablokov, from Fantasy & Science Fiction, September 2007.

quote:
Stephanie found herself wide awake at 2:13 A.M., remembering a phone number. Hers, but with one digit wrong.
She could see the thing, rounded numbers on a cocktail napkin with a blue ship's wheel on it, her handwriting. The digit was wrong on purpose.
She hadn't thought of that night since...well, probably since it happened. She'd been working on the campaign of a state rep, and had started talking with some guy vaguely associated with the rep's auto leasing business at the low-key victory party. Decent-looking guy, nice jacket, with, as she remembered, an interest in collecting antique cars. Everyone was in a great mood.
Then he began to seem creepy. Maybe it was the excessive emphasis on the size of the garage he kept his car collection in,

Things I like:

* The first two punchy sentences give an immediate sense of something being out of whack -- something that's off enough to keep her awake.
* We know it has to do with the number (which is the title, after all). The story is "about" the number.
* We know that she did it. Whatever happens in this story, she's the one who made the wrong number thing happen.
* The flashback doesn't really feel like a flashback. This is well done. She's "seeing" the number, then seeing where it was written, and the context, so it doesn't feel like a flashback so much as what she's doing in the present time -- thinking, at 2:13 AM, of the wrong number.
* We know a lot of things about her, but Jablokov didn't need to put in everything about her. I don't know what she looks like, or even where she lives. But I know that she's unmarried, and that she's active politically, and that she's probably young -- she's described clearly enough for me to know her, and vaguely enough for me to fit her into other stereotypes and images that I have about people "like her".

Good stuff. I've only gotten through the first page or two, so I hope the rest of the story is as good.

Regards,
Oliver

[This message has been edited by oliverhouse (edited August 12, 2007).]

Posted by KayTi (Member # 5137) on :

How did it come out?

I liked the intro here too. The one thing "missing" in as much as I've seen others mention this as important in first 13s, is some sort of indicator of genre/time period/location. Is she having all these thoughts while wide awake on Alpha Centauri? Or in Akron?

But then again, that doesn't stop me from being interested. I agree that we learned a lot about WHO the character is without the author saying much about what she looks like. That's a trick I need to work harder at mastering, since I always default to describing what a character looks like instead of how they ARE.

I like looking at first 13s of short stories, and in fact...I've got an Asimov-edited anthology sitting right here behind me, maybe I'll add a post or two for discussion's sake.

Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :

I'd assume it was the mundane real world until some evidence in the story changed my opinion. "2:13 A. M." suggests a clock with a digital readout. A phone number on a coctail napkin suggests pick-up bars. There are "state reps," "auto leasing businesses," and a character collecting antique cars. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

Posted by mfreivald (Member # 3413) on :

First paragraph--something very subtle is out of kilter, with just a hint of wariness. (The late hour.)

Second paragraph--it was out of kilter because of a defensive maneuver. The wariness and concern is ratcheted up ever so slightly.

Third paragraph--contrast the threat with his outward appearance, which shows she was conducive to liking the guy, but…

Fourth--explicitly assert the man is creepy. He is all the more creepy and her assessment of it all the more credible because of the previous paragraph.

What a great progression. The building anxiety is palpable.

I still have to get through my August edition, but I'll eventually get to it.

Posted by oliverhouse (Member # 3432) on :

KayTi, it worked out very well. (Yes, it took me that long to read a short story. And even that was just because I had a flight from Chicago.)

The story is "about" the number, although the number is a lesser part of a much bigger thing. And although she did it, it's connected to something else.

The characterization works well, although the specific traits are somewhat arbitrary. She just needed to be real, and the type of woman who would give this man her number: everything else was up to the author. She has a friend who is characterized arbitrarily but nicely as well.

It was a fantasy, as promised. The guy to whom she gave the number mattered very little as it turns out. The location was more Akron than Alpha Centauri, although I agree with Robert that that was clear from the first 13.

Worth reading, with an opening that promised what the story delivered.

Regards,
Oliver