This is topic Twilight -- First 13 in forum Discussing Published Hooks & Books at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.


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Posted by AstroStewart (Member # 2597) on :
 
In the Twilight discussion thread, someone asked for the first 13 of Twilight, so they could judge the hook.

So here it is:

Prologue
I'd never given much thought to how I would die -- though I'd had reason enough in the last few months -- but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.
I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me.
Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.
I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision.

---------------------------------------
Now some people don't like prologues, don't read them, etc. So maybe you think the prologue isn't really the "first" 13 lines that "count."

I'm assuming I'm not breaking copyright etc, if I post also post the first 13 lines of the actually chapter 1 instead of the prologue, since it is clearly a different ballgame, as it were. (Incidentally, the entire prologue is only 5 lines longer than the first 13 posted above. It covers exactly 1 chapter-starting page, which starts 1/2 way down the page)

1. First Sight
My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt -- sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.
In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on the inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen.


<Any grammatical errors are probably my fault during transcription of the book sitting in front of me.>

 


Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :
 
I haven't read these books, but based on your guys' descriptions, it seems as if the Twilight series are the Anne Rice vampire stories to this age group.

I'm going to hazard a guess here and say part of the strong attraction of this is that it's fantasy intrusion, which is increasingly hot these days, esp with the younger crowd.

Even Harry Potter is in part intrusion, right? And then the recent shows, Smallville, Heros, even Buffy the Vampire Slayer were all intrusion stories.

As for copyright issues, I believe you are exempt if you quote small passages for the purpose of commentary or review, which is precisely what we're doing.
 


Posted by meg.stout (Member # 6193) on :
 
Since I actually have never studied writing, per se, what is fantasy intrusion? I did read Card's Character and Viewpoint and did Boot Camp, but don't know this term. Must have fallen asleep or something.
 
Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :
 
Well, I think people use different terms. Another term I've heard is "contemporary fantasy", where fantasy elements intrude into the "real world".
 
Posted by meg.stout (Member # 6193) on :
 
OK - got it.
 
Posted by Vanderbleek (Member # 6535) on :
 
My first reaction to this , knowing only the fact the book involves Vampires, is "she'll be mistaken for a vampire somewhere in the book." After reading the first 13 of chapter one though, it looks like it's going to take awhile to get to the case of mistaken identity...Forks sounds like the perfect place for Vampires though; little sunlight, very gloomy, low population...I'd continue reading even though there's nothing I really want to know at this point (except who this hunter guy is...); sounds like she's got family in a little podunk town in Washington, and she has to visit them. Goodbye gesture says they're moving probably, which implies family problems.

Think the prologue helps; it's the only thing keeping me reading past the intro, which sounds like the typical teen self-pity I hear a lot.

That's my thought process, so I'd keep reading...guess it works then?
 


Posted by AstroStewart (Member # 2597) on :
 
quote:
Well, I think people use different terms. Another term I've heard is "contemporary fantasy", where fantasy elements intrude into the "real world".

I thought this was the definition of "urban fantasy" where fantastic elements are intruded into an urban, modern type setting?
 


Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :
 
Urban fantasy is specific to cities.
 
Posted by zotius (Member # 6457) on :
 
Quite a few readers have been confused about the prologue in Twilight, and Stephenie Meyer explains it in the Q&A on her website.

I've read Twilight, New Moon and I'm halfway through Eclipse. The story is good - she does do something different with the vampire mythos (I won't give spoilers). I think the books work well for the market they're aimed at - I've only witnessed positive responses from readers.

Like Vanderbleek, I felt the first 13 lines showed well, and kept me reading. I've enjoyed them - my tuppence worth.
 


Posted by arriki (Member # 3079) on :
 
Alert!!! Possible spoiler!


Okay, I've read about halfway through. I can see why some people thinks it reads slow. Well, not a lot happens there for a good while.

What I'm wondering is how many people who like this novel are female and how many (if any) are male?

I mean, the story events so far are for the most part such standard romance tropes. Her wondering how someone so beautiful/wonderful/fabulous as HIM could ever possibly be attracted to HER???? When reading through the first time, it didn't bother me, but on further study it's quite irritating. Of course, the book jacket warns me he's a vampire and he wants to drink her blood, so maybe that why it worked. I, as reader, knew all was not as it seemed to her.

There is something about the writing, about the words strung together to make up the text, that works. Everything is clear. Is that because the time and place are now, so easy to work with?

The author uses a lot of repetitive patterns. Nothing that gave me pause on first read.

But, what's making this work and sell so well?
 


Posted by WriterDan (Member # 6456) on :
 
This book was pretty decent. The one big issue that I had with it though was the prologue. I had the same opinion as you, Vanderbleek, that being that the prologue was really the only thing that kept me reading for the first half of the book or so. The prologue is really the ONLY point of tension in the entire book until you come to the end. (That is, if you don't care for teenage, romantic woes..., which I don't.) On the whole though, I think that it was pretty well written and was interesting enough to keep me interest through to the end. The second book isn't high on my "to be read" list, but it's there. And her publisher definitely thought it was something good. She got $750k contract for the first 3 books. I'm interested in seeing what happens with the next two.
 
Posted by zotius (Member # 6457) on :
 
In response to Arriki,

I'd say most readers are female. They love the romance triangle between Edward-Bella-Jake, but moreso (from discussions I've heard) the conflict between vampires and werewolves ... that cold/hot divide in personality and the way the characters react to situations. Then, that could be identification ... teenagers have a jekyl & hyde personality, so many secrets, so maybe they identify. Hence, there is an equal divide between Edward or Jake fans from readers I've spoken with.

I started Eclipse a couple of weeks ago, and I'm still half-way (I've been ill, and dosed to the eye-balls) but if I was really loving it I'd have perservered. Maybe that is an answer in itself ... but, I did enjoy Twilight.
 


Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :
 
$750,000.... where do you find these numbers?
 
Posted by WriterDan (Member # 6456) on :
 
Actually got that one from the horse's mouth. Went to a presentation she gave. That was for the original contract anyhow. Don't know what she actually made on the book. I'm sure it was loads more, what with all of the hype that is being thrown around.
 
Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :
 
I fear hearing things like that make me focus more on lucrative dreams instead of just good, quality writing. And ironically it steers me away from success. I need to believe I am truly writing my piece because I want to, even if nobody ever reads it. It is then that I produce my best work.
 
Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :
 
I gave up worrying about money awhile ago---and from word rates and such mentioned here and there, it doesn't seem I'm giving up a great deal---and from now on I'll go for the honor of being published.

Which doesn't mean I won't cash a check that comes my way, or that I won't get angry if payment is delayed.
 


Posted by JamieFord (Member # 3112) on :
 
From Publishers Marketplace:

Stephenie Meyer's debut TWILIGHT, a teenage vampire love story, to Megan Tingley and Jennifer Hunt at Little, Brown Children's, in a major deal -- "the most Little, Brown children's has ever offered a first-time author" (later confirmed as $750,000) -- at auction, for three books, by Jodi Reamer at Writers House (world).

It's a lot of dough, but was for a 3-book deal.
 




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