Hatrack River Writers Workshop: R is for Run-on

This is topic R is for Run-on in forum Discussing Published Hooks & Books at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Antinomy (Member # 5136) on :

I read a lot of fiction for enjoyment but also to pickup the rhythm, voice and pace of proven authors under the assumption that becoming a good writer one should read good writers. Yesterday I checked out a Sue Grafton novel for the first time, she of the alphabet mystery novel series.
I couldn’t believe the over use of run-on sentences. For example:

An excerpt from Sue Grafton’s Q is for Quarry:

I leaned over and scooped up the sweats I’d left folded on the floor. I wriggled into pants and top. I sat up and tugged on a pair of crew socks, shoved my feet into my Sauconys, and had my key tied to the laces before I’d left my bed. It occurred to me that if I just made it my habit to sleep in my sweats and crew socks, it would be a lot more efficient. All I’d need were my running shoes and I’d be ready to go. I went into the bathroom and availed myself of the facilities, after which I brushed my teeth, splashed water on my face, and then used my wet hands to comb the sleep-generated peaks and valleys from my hair. I trotted down the spiral stairs, checked the thumblock on the front door and pulled it shut, then rounded the studio to the gate.

I usually give a book the 100 page test before giving up. This one didn’t get past page 43.

Posted by wetwilly (Member # 1818) on :

Can you point out the run-on sentences here? I didn't see one in the whole paragraph.

Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :

Wow. If you put that down for run-on sentences, I can't imagine what you read. I see some sentences that could be broken up, but they are all NIT/style-preference choices. There's no technical run-ons. However, mybe you feel the info is being dumped, and it runs on and on and on--in that case, well, could be...I haven't read it.

The paragraph structure is not too bad: First sentence is not too long; Second is short; Third is a list-type sentence; Fourth is similar to the first; the last two are also list-type sentences. Is the next sentence short? If so, she has a rhythm for breaking up long sentences.

In essence, your learning what many of us already have discussed: A really good story compensates for lacks in prose.

Posted by Marzo (Member # 5495) on :

I don't know about run-ons, but it sure is lackluster.

U is for Uninteresting.

Posted by lehollis (Member # 2883) on :

The writing style isn't bad. I agree with IAB about the structure, and I don't feel the sentences are run-on, myself.

What stops me is that I don't know what's going on. I don't know why the character is doing any of this. I got a sense of urgency, but I didn't know why, so I felt more impatient than anything else.

If this appeared in F&F, that would be my main nit, not the writing.

Posted by halogen (Member # 6494) on :

quote:
What stops me is that I don't know what's going on. I don't know why the character is doing any of this. I got a sense of urgency, but I didn't know why, so I felt more impatient than anything else.

To be fair, Antinomy calls this an excerpt, this might be a paragraph in the middle of a chapter.

I have no idea as I'm allergic to Sue Grafton's books.

Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :

Is this book called "Chronicles of My Boring Day-to-Day Life?"

Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :

'Taint easy to pad these things out.

("...availed myself of the facilities..." [suppressed chuckle])

Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :

Yeah, that is a human necessity that goes without much attention in my writing.