Hatrack River Writers Workshop: OSC IGMS # 15

This is topic OSC IGMS # 15 in forum Discussing Published Hooks & Books at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Dark Warrior (Member # 8822) on :

So, the new issue of InterGalactic Medicine Show published recently. Aside from the relief of some new artwork on the ad banner everytime I log onto Hatrack River, in the continuing effort to absorb and learn all that we can, I was interested in your opinions on the published stories, and what worked, or did not work, in their first 13.

First one is Body Language by Mary Robinette Kowal

quote:
Saskia leaned into the darkness above the stage, only vaguely aware of the wood rail against her hips as she retied the left headstring on her marionette. On the stage below, the Snow Queen's head eased into balance. The marionette telegraphed its stance back up the strings to the control in Saskia's hands. She ran the Snow Queen across the set to check the repair, barely conscious of her own body on the bridge above the stage. It was almost like being immersed in a VR suit.
One of the techies called up. "Hey, Saskia? There's a detective here for you."
She stopped abruptly and the marionette continued its motion in a long pendulum swing. Detective?

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

Mary Robinette Kowal is a Hatrack alum, so she knows about the 13-line concept.

I'd be interested to see what people here think of her 13 lines, too. Thanks for posting, Dark Warrior.

(By the way, she's a professional puppeteer, as well as a published writer.)

Posted by Dark Warrior (Member # 8822) on :

Shows in her story, I'm still reading through the entire thing before commenting.

Posted by Dark Warrior (Member # 8822) on :

First 13: Not much issue, liked it over all - why?

-I liked the use of 'Snow Queen' over a non-descript puppet. Gave the story a little association that drew me in. I realize it was probably a reference to the widely interpreted Hans Christian Anderson story, but It immediately made me (a sci-fi/fantasy reader-knowing one's audience)think of Narnia's 'White Witch'.
-Set the scene quickly and effectively.
-I like how only in the last sentence, after setting scene, she hooked with both the detective (what did he want) and her emotion (immediate question why a detective would be there)

Overall story. I liked it overall, specifically I liked how the AI was more realistic than the 'pinnochio' type stories I have been working on lately, and it inspired a more lifelike AI story of my own, which I posted a first 13 of recently.

The reality tv twist was good, but I felt it was a little bit of a forced twist. She probably could have come up with a better way to set up the nice ending. Maybe its my law enforcement background but it wasn't 100% believable to me, and I caught myself thinking...its far enough in the future for AI, but anyone can get into an FBI vehicle...why not voice or fingerprint protected entry and ignition.

Odd, how I felt there was more of a 'change' in the AI through the course of the story than in the MC. Still worked for the story though.