Welcome to the 3rd annual WotF trigger challenge!

For the second year in a row, two hatrack members have won the Writers of the Future contest, and like last year, the winning members have offered their services for this years challenge. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, allow me to explain…

This years challenge trigger will be based on Ben Mann’s winning title.

Unfamiliar Territory

You are to write a story using that title as a trigger. This challenge is open to all genres. The only restriction is you can’t plagiarize Ben’s story. Other rules…

1) This is an anonymous challenge. All entries are to be sent to me…

snapperfjd@yahoo.com

Please put Trigger challenge in the subject line. I will post the 13 line openings for all to see and send out stories to be judged later.

2) There is a maximum word count of 3000 words. If it is over that mark, I will alert you and give you a chance to correct it. I will be using the word counter of my Word program to enforce this rule.

3) The deadline for all entries is June 19th. That gives you a month to write your entry. In the past I have fudged the deadline to accommodate a few late writers. This year the deadline will be firm. June 19th at midnight (eastern daylight).

4) You are expected to be a judge and write a critique. Hatrack is a writer’s workshop first. The real value to these challenges is anonymous feedback. Your crit doesn’t need to be long but 2 paragraphs is the minimum to be polite. Just an opinion of what you thought about the story and any suggestions so the author can improve on it. Don’t worry. You won’t be expected to read and review 20 stories. I will divide the entries up so you won’t be saddled with much more than 10000 words, if I can.

5) This is an anonymous contest, which means don’t blab which stories is yours!. So no posting in Feedback and Fragments. Please don’t make me disqualify you for violating this rule.

This contest will be divided up into 3 parts. 13 line challenge, 1st round, and 2nd round.

The 13 line challenge will be separate. Points for this contest will not be forwarded to the general voting this year. However, I am offering a prize. Winner of this challenge will receive a free critique from me of any story (10,000 words or less) they would like me to look at. We will judge this contest as we have other 13 line hook challenges, just send me your votes this time. Extra incentive for the quick – I will award 2 points to the first entry received and 1 point to the second entry received for this part of the challenge.

The first round will be the contestant phase. I will divide the entries as I receive them, into groups if need be. You will judge and critique all entries sent to you. Failure to do this will disqualify you. You are to pick your favorite(s). I will tally the votes and the winners will be advanced to the second round.

The second round will be sent to our judges. Vol 27 winners Ben Mann and Patrick O’Sullivan, as well as Vol 26 (and getting more successful everyday) winner Brad R Torgersen will judge the finalist. They will pick the winner and a signed copy (as in every writer and KDW) of a Writers of the Future Vol 27 will be sent to you, courtesy of Ben Mann.

Other things I shouldn’t have to mention but will anyway.

1) One entry per author
2) This is an in house contest. We hold no rights to it at all. You are free to submit your story anywhere you like, anytime you want.
3) No whining, but if you insist, please do so to me, privately.
4) This is a trigger challenge but I’m not going to be the one making sure your entry fits the trigger. Submit it if you like but be ready to lose votes if your story doesn’t meet the criteria your fellow contestants had in mind. If you feel you’ve been wronged because of another judge’s interpretation, see rule 3.
5) This is a friendly challenge. Have fun. This will give you an idea on how you measure up to your fellow colleague. Doesn’t mean your story sucks, won’t be bought by an editor, or guarantee that it will. So don’t take critiques or votes personally; and don’t think you’ll win the next quarter of WotF if you do well. Just enjoy the book if you win, you lucky slob.
6) This contest is open to all hatrack members. Doesn’t matter if you just joined. If you’re a member, and have a story ready by the deadline, you are free to participate. We’d love to have you jump in, whether you’re new, a veteran, the moderator, or OSC himself.
7) As I said, all are welcome, but some may disqualify themselves from the prize. If they win, the next best will get the book. So Ben, Pat, Brad…or anyone else who feels they fit this definition. You are free to join in.
8) Play fair. No voting for your own entry.

 

One thing I can't figure out, and it's probably because I wasn't in a position last year to parcipitate, but during the first round, how do you know a story is worthy of moving on to the next round?

If I have 3 people read my story, and they like it, do they tell you, Snapps? Is there a 1 star through 5 star rating system and those with the most move on?

Anyway, I won't speculate any further since I'd imagine you have this part figured out. I'm more trying to understand so I know what to do when I'm sent some stories and have to judge them.

Also, can I assume every story should be in .rtf format?

Axe
 

Think of yourself as one of a bunch of slush readers. The editor wants you to pick the best one to send up. It's up to you to pitch the best ones with your second (and maybe third) choice in reserve. How you make that determination is entirely up to you.

Each person submitting into the contest is expected to give a small critique for each story, that is how you're going to find out how yours did compared to the others. I will post comments on your piece under your 13 line opening as I receive them. That way, everyone will know (anonymously) how each person felt about each story.

That answer your questions?

Oh, one more rule I forgot to post. In event of Rapture, skadder will be running the contest, since he is a godless heathen.
 

How many stories go to the next level? Or what percentage goes?
 

Nope. I'm still not sure.

So, you send each of us say, three stories.
I read my three and critique them. Then send them back to you.

You'll select the stories that move on based on the critiques?

Some of us are better critters than others. I'm pretty easy going and generally like what I read. My strength lies in copy editing, not story strengthening. Thus, how will you decide based on my feedback if a story should move on?

I'm asking this only because I want to do my part correctly. I understand the mechanics of thumbs up, thumbs down. I'm not yet comprehending how I'm to decide which story moves on and which doesn't based solely on how much improving I felt the author could do.

Lastly, would we write back and say "This is my #1 favorite, then #2, then #3?

Axe

P.S. Thanks for taking on this momentous task. It sounds like it will be quite a lot of work.

How many make the 2nd round will depend on how many people join in but I will want to limit the number so we don't over burden our volunteer judges. I am guessing it will be 4 or 5 stories that will advance.

 

[This message has been edited by Owasm (edited May 23, 2011).]
 

I have the perfect little story for this challenge. And joy of joys, the title even fits. <<Snicker>> What do you know.

[This message has been edited by WriterDan (edited June 04, 2011).]
 

Dan, you really need to venture out of Hatrack Groups every once in awhile. Glad to have you join in the fun.

And yes, it Midnight at eastern standard time, or whenever I get to calling a stop, which could be in the morning. If you don't see a "Times Up!" then you can submit.
 

A word on crits. Can we make sure people give proper crits this time? Last year I got one that was just a few words and then random words in the story underlined with no explanation at all.

 

I had a friend who had no idea I was using the function and didn't see all the comments I had on her novel. man did things get easier between us when she discovered how to access them.
 

I have more entries to post but the lack of an internet for my laptop limits what I can do. (Using my phone at the moment). The deadline may be extended because of this problem. If I can't get access today, it may be monday mid-afternoon before I get any sort of access.

So if you have something in the works, and see that I haven't called a stop to submissions, by all means send what you have.

In the mean time here's hoping I can get some damn wifi.
 

Very exciting!

Axe
 

Any questions?
 

8) Play fair. No voting for your own entry.

Quote/

But I really like my entry! lol

QUESTION: How should we list our votes? Like top five? Or #1, #2, and #3? I'm new at this "13-lines challenge" thing, remember. So be gentle.
 

[This message has been edited by Ethereon (edited June 20, 2011).]
 

One other item, anyone not in the contest is free to vote for their favorite openings and share crits on them if they like (like you Ethereon). We're a writers workshop first so input on our writing is always appreciated.

 

Hmmm, too bad there can't be a tie. I'm having a little trouble picking my third place opening. There's three in the running.

9 out of 15 authors have sent in votes. I will be posting comments from the people who have choose to make them.

I would like to thank the hatrack member who voted and passed a few thoughts along, even though they had no stake in this contest. Thank you very much.

I would also like the hatracker who took the time to comment on each entries opening to reconsider their request not to post them. We are all friends here and I did not find your opinions to be hurtful or mean. I am sure the rest of the authors would like to know what you thought. They will be anonymous in any case so please allow me to post them.

I would be working on sending out the stories, I know you are all eager to read them. However, I am having difficulty reaching one participant. I may have to disqualify them (please do not ask why). I am giving them time to respond to my emails but there time is running out. I would really hate to throw them out but making everyone else wait is unfair. Count on entries coming your way soon.

Interested on how its shaping up? Here's a hint; 13 out of 15 have received votes so far. Close as usual.

[This message has been edited by snapper (edited June 22, 2011).]
 

And I agree with snapper about wanting to read all the comments and who said them, I don't bite even though I may scream in the privacy of my mind if everyone said the same thing.

Contact me for any questions.
 

Wait... No, that's regular Matrix.

Axe
 

Let me know if you didn't receive it.

[This message has been edited by snapper (edited July 02, 2011).]
 

The Baseketball playoffs, now there's a long process.

Axe
 

8 people have voted in the run off round thus far. I am only counting first choices (2nd pick will be for the tie breaker). One has three votes and the other two are tied at two.

I have been enjoying watching things unfold but feel like a pig keeping all the info to myself, so here is a few teasers and quizes for you.

The earlier competition was quite fierce. One group did have a runaway winner but the other two groups were a lot tighter. 9 different stories were picked as a voters first choice in this competition. How well do you think you know your fellow writers opinions?

1) There was a mini-runoff. Two stories in one group tied for second. I got 3 volunteer hatrackers to decide between the two. Their choice was unanimious (thanks to MAP, Wolfcreature and A Yeatts for bailing me out). What story do you think was in the mini runoff?

2) Although the voting was all over the map, one third place entry did better than the rest. Out of five voters, they received a first, second, and two third place but always trailed by a comfortable margin. What story do you believe this was?

3) One group had four entries that received first place votes but the one that received none still advanced. Any guesses on which one this was?

Hope you all are having fun.
 

quote:

---

8 people have voted in the run off round thus far... One has three votes and the other two are tied at two.

---

"Two stories in one group tied for second."
I thought it was tied for first? No? So it's one of the three we just received the judges voted on? Hmm... I'm going to say group 3. I enjoyed that group of stories the most, so I'll say they had the toughest road to the finish line.

"Although the voting was all over the map."
Yes, you said that when you thanked him/her.

I don't want to call out any particular story as I'm not anon right now, so I don't want anyone to get offended, but I'm going to guess at question 2 and say group 1.

Question 3 I'm going to say group 2. There is a story in there that really stinks, but I could see people voting for it.

Axe

 

I going to go with group 2 on question 2.

Really not sure about question 3 at all.

Are we going to see if we can guess who wrote what before you tell us?

[This message has been edited by pdblake (edited July 03, 2011).]
 

Looking for what the stories were. I will give anyone who gets all three answers correctly a critique for any story up to 10000 words (or chapters of a novel equal to the same length)

No need to give me the authors, just which entries fit for each question.

In Q1, I am looking for the other entry in the mini-runoff.

Axe is correct, I can't add. I did receive another vote. The race is 1 has 4 votes, second has 3, and 3rd has 2. Close, close, close....

[This message has been edited by snapper (edited July 03, 2011).]
 

1) I too think that group three had the closest bout - all solid stories for what is essentially a first draft. However, group two had three superior stories all vying for the two berths. So, given the ones that made it into the elimination round, I am going choose between the two groups AND pick a story. My choice: Unfamiliar Territory from Group 3.

2) Given the comments, I was a little surprised that this didn't get second (though well done to the story that did get second). I'll go for: The Sword and the Shield from Group 1.

3) Now this was the toughest. Symmetry makes me think it could be On the Pull - that's just the type of story that people would put down in second place, sort of a guilty pleasure. It was about the toughest group to be in, given the strength of three of the stories. But I am not sure that all four of the other stories would have garnered a first place each. That would more likely happen in group 3, which seemed a little closer. Also, any that didn't get a first place would likely have been a 2nd place getter. So my guess would be: The Road to Geronimo

Axe, there's no reason to get nasty now, I did the best I could.
 

[This message has been edited by Brendan (edited July 06, 2011).]
 

I have a winner of the runoff. If you are one of a couple of authors who have yet to vote you can still send me your thoughts if you like but it won't change the outcome.

Iterum will be joining the 3 first place winners of their respected groups, Future Hero, Green Tongue, and Gods of the Tenth Realm. Congratulations to those authors.

The stories have been sent to the 3 judges.

Want to know my quiz answers?

1) Unfamiliar Territory (#15) (both entries tied with 6 points)

2) On the Pull (this one had a late surge. It was too far behind to catch first but did threaten for the run off round)

3) Geronimo (by advanced I did mean it was still in the mix)

I owe so many of you emails. I promise all who are awaiting a response from me as soon as I get enough down time to do so.

And no, you don't win a critique Brendan but I'll give you one anyway.

I have another mini contest in mind. Look for it soon.
 

Congrats to everyone!

And you winners? Watch out! Next time I might just do more than nibble at your heels!
 

Yawn.
 

In alphabetical order.

Axeminister
Brendan
JosephineKait
LDWriter
Meredith
Owasm
PDblake
RoxyL
Shimiqua
Snapper
Tiergan
Twiggy
Utahute
Wireless Librarian
WriterDan

I agree on Shimiqua and Finally, I was thinking the same thing.

OSWAM has to be either Gristan's reward or the Seeker.

Beyond that I'm stumped, other than mine of course.
 

Axeminister - Iterum
Brendan - The Sword and The Shield
JosephineKait - The adventure
LDWriter - Finally
Meredith - Unknown Territory (15)
Owasm - THE SEEKER
PDblake - Unfamiliar Territory
RoxyL - Veteran
Shimiqua - The Road to Geronimo
Snapper - Gristan's Good Deed
Tiergan - Gods of the Tenth Realm
Twiggy - The Deepest Law
Utahute - On The Pull
Wireless Librarian - Green Tongue
WriterDan - Future Hero

A couple were based on what I've read in the 13 lines boards from time to time, but most were just wild stabs in the dark. Oh, and I deliberately got my own wrong, so at least one other will be too
 

quote:

---

A couple were based on what I've read in the 13 lines boards from time to time, but most were just wild stabs in the dark. Oh, and I deliberately got my own wrong, so at least one other will be too

---

In that case, I know for a fact that you got at least 4 wrong.
 

quote:

---

Do you have inside info Meredith? Or are you judging the four errors on yours being wrong too. That could everyone else a clue.

---

Not saying.
 

Okay... Interesting. I don't think I will give it a try though. I don't know anyone's writing that well. I know guess but at this point it would be a total guess I would want a couple, at least, to be educated guesses.

And even though only one person has listed their guess I would suspect that some of the older hatrackers would know my writing(mistakes) well enough to say.

And that is older as in being here longer, not age.
 

PD is 0 for 15 in his guesses

Got some new critiques posted in the other thread.
 

See, I said it would be more than four At least I got my own wrong on purpose.
 

Axeminister - Future Hero
Brendan - The Road to Geronimo
JosephineKait - - The Deepest Law
LDWriter – Veteran
Meredith - On The Pull
Owasm – Unfamiliar territory 15
PDblake - Gristan's Good Deed
RoxyL - Iterum
Shimiqua - Finally
Snapper – Green Tongue
Tiergan – THE SEEKER
Twiggy - Gods of the Tenth Realm
Utahute –The sword and the shield
Wireless Librarian -The adventure
WriterDan –Unknown Territory (10)

[This message has been edited by Twiggy (edited July 10, 2011).]
 

Axeminister -- On the Pull
Brendan -- Iterum
JosephineKait -- The Deepest Law
LDWriter -- Veteran
Meredith -- The Seeker
Owasm -- Gristan's Good Deed
PDblake -- The Adventure
RoxyL -- Unknown Territory (15)
Shimiqua -- Finally
Snapper -- Green Tongue
Tiergan -- Future Hero
Twiggy -- Gods of the Tenth Realm
Utahute -- Road to Geronimo
Wireless Librarian -- The Sword and the Shield
WriterDan -- Unknown Territory (10)

MAN, that's pretty rough deductive reasoning... LOL
 

Here's another hint...

They got their own right

 

But what I don't get is why two of the three were the funny stories. Do I typically come across as funny? Or is it one of those, he's the cynical bastage, so he could be funny kind of funnies?

Heck, the title of my blog is "note to self, don't be so grouchy." Which I'm failing at miserably. If I see a kid with a balloon, I just want to pop it. (The balloon, not the kid.) I haven't actually done it yet, but someday - There Will Be Crying.

I would love to take some guesses, but they'd just be stabs in the dark at a target that isn't there.

Axe
 

Entry # 1 The Adventure Wireless Librarian
Entry # 2 Gristan's Good Deed Tiergan
Entry # 3 THE SEEKER Meredith
Entry # 4 finally Brendan
Entry # 5 On The Pull PDblake
Entry # 6 The Road to Geronimo JosephineKait
Entry # 7 Future Hero Snapper
Entry # 8 Green Tongue Axeminister
Entry # 9 Gods of the Tenth Realm Twiggy
Entry # 10 Unfamiliar Territory WriterDan
Entry # 11 Iterum RoxyL
Entry # 12 Veteran Utahute
Entry # 13 The Sword and The Shield Owasm
Entry # 14 The Deepest Law LDWriter
Entry # 15 Unfamiliar Territory Shimiqua

[This message has been edited by Brendan (edited July 10, 2011).]
 

WriterDan - 8 correct
Twiggy - 7
Brendan - 6
 

Axeminister -Gristans good deed
Brendan - The Road to Geronimo
JosephineKait - - The Deepest Law
LDWriter – Veteran
Meredith - On The Pull
Owasm – Unfamiliar territory 15
PDblake - The adventure
RoxyL - Iterum
Shimiqua - Finally
Snapper – Green Tongue
Tiergan – THE SEEKER
Twiggy - Gods of the Tenth Realm
Utahute –-Future hero
Wireless Librarian - The sword and the shield
WriterDan –Unknown Territory (10)

 

7. Reshuffled, no change in score.

This mini-contest will end when...

A) when someone gets 13 correct. Or...

B) when the third judge sends his results

Speaking of which, I have received results from 2 judges. Because of an unusual circumstance, I have kept all 4 authors apprised of an rather extraordinary situation. So not to influence the last judge (just in case he is monitoring this thread) I will not be forthcoming of what is going on.
Sorry to be encrypted, but I'm sure the finalist would all agree that darkness at this time is most prudent.

Wait one second and let me put on my hard hat before you start throwing rocks again.

 

1. The Adventure - PD Blake
2. Gristan's Good Deed - OSWAM
3. The Seeker - Meredith
4. Finally - Shimiqua
5. On the Pull - Brendan
6. The Road to Geronimo - Utah Ute
7. Future Hero - Snapper
8. Green Tongue - Axeminister
9. Gods of the Tenth Realm - Twiggy
10. Unfamiliar Territory - Writer Dan
11. Interim - LD Writer
12. Veteran - Wireless Librarian
13. The Sword and the Shield - Tiergan
14. The Deepest Law - JosepheneKait
15. Unfamiliar Territory - Roxyl

[This message has been edited by Utahute72 (edited July 10, 2011).]
 

Axeminister - Future Hero
Brendan - The Road to Geronimo
JosephineKait - The Deepest Law
LDWriter – The Adventure
Meredith - Gristan's Good Deed
Owasm – Unfamiliar territory 15
PDblake - On The Pull
RoxyL - Iterum
Shimiqua - Finally
Snapper – Green Tongue
Tiergan – THE SEEKER
Twiggy - Gods of the Tenth Realm
Utahute –The sword and the shield
Wireless Librarian -Veteran
WriterDan –Unknown Territory (10)

 

But no way OWASM wrote a story without swords/wizards/mages.

I want to know what bloke wrote Iterum...
If it was indeed a bloke.

And did WriterDan tip his cards or what? Everyone has him picked for 10.

I'd still love to know what BenM thinks of all this hullabaloo over his story. =)

Axe
 

Now Snaps needs to weigh in on that last guess by PD.

Axe
 

PD guessed his own correctly.

Unfamiliar Territory #15 is the only one missed by everyone so far.

 

Axeminister - The sword and the shield
Brendan - The Road to Geronimo
JosephineKait - The Deepest Law
LDWriter - The adventure
Meredith - The Seeker
Owasm - Gristan's Good Deed
PDblake - On The Pull
RoxyL - Iterum
Shimiqua - Finally
Snapper - Green Tongue
Tiergan - Future Hero
Twiggy - Gods of the Tenth Realm
Utahute - Veteran
Wireless Librarian - Unfamiliar territory (15)
WriterDan - Unfamiliar Territory (10)

 

But you'll sure about mine? That's the second story my name was put with twice.

I wonder if either was just a guess or if there is a reason behind the guess.
 

Congrats to you.
 

I thought for sure LDWriter did the Sword and the Shield. It just seemed like his style.

And Snapper, you deserve huge kudos for doing this and keeping it so interesting.
 

RoxyL, you may be right, swapping Axeminister and LDWriter's stories also works, probably the only alternative that improves the score from here. Does your algorithm show that's the case Utah, or are there other alternatives?

LDWriter, I chose The Adventure because I saw a similarity in voice between that and your current work in F&F - "An Unusual Day", although its not the usual voice you have. However, when I first read through, I thought yours may have be Veteran - but everyone else had put you up for that, so I had to be different.
 

quote:

---

Hey, that didn't help. PBlake was one of my few certainties - it was written like an Englishman with all the b this, b that (while Twiggy, the only other UK person here, had used the word centre in her story, which is English spelling).

---

Next time I'll do a wild west troll
 

[This message has been edited by snapper (edited July 12, 2011).]
 

The second is a little more ambiguous to me. Geronimo was an Apache whose first family was massacred. After that he led many attacks against the Mexicans and the US. He was known for his daring escapes (maybe like your character making prisoners 'disappear'?). In one case troops waited outside a cave for him, but he never came out - he simply vanished.

He was eventually captured and held (like your character) prisoner for seven years before he became somewhat of a (very sad) side show spectacle traveling with fairs etc. In his writings he did seems to be a thoughtful and intelligent person.

I'd love more explanation from you on the historical role of your title.

[This message has been edited by RoxyL (edited July 12, 2011).]
 

One thing that bothered me about the story was, if the MC wasn't part of the terrorist activity how could he know who was completely innocent. Wouldn't he have been as much in the dark as the others on the outside?
 

Utahute, now that Jafeez is in a different timeline, he can use the time device to look into the past of his original timeline, and make his decisions accordingly. Of course, that ability may be limited, as Jafeez has already changed the past in that timeline.
 

I was thinking this might be the perfect arena to practice elevator pitches - these stories are short, not too complicated and might be easier than an entire novel to put into one sentence.

Even so, I found myself fumbling about like an idiot when my sister asked me what my story was about (granted, I'd just admitted I was writing again, anyway, and feeling very self conscious.).

Anyone want to give it a go, either on their own, or anyone's who catches their fancy? (humor optional for those of us so impaired)

Here are a couple tries:

A girl uses all her feminine trollish charms to seduce a reluctant metrosexual mate.

Worm wielding pirate preys on smugglers in space.

But I will give it a go for some random story.

Hmm... Let's try this one:

An average guy saves the day, becomes a super-hero, and gets the girl. Stellar.

Axe
 

"Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy."
 

I think part of why Iterum succeeded is because I felt there was a much larger world than was shown in the small word count. The MC is about to enter a bar, on a space station at the crossroads of countless worm holes.

So what about your story? Tell us what we don't already know.

Axe
 

Or has a winner been chosen for that last little contest?

Okay, I expected the winner to be listed here.

So my story is based on an old national ad. Well, maybe not that old, but I don't recall when it was. I recalled the ad and my muse took it form there. It came out something different then usual. I must say that I really thought with the nitpicks and writing more people would have known it was mine.

So I wonder if anyone can say what ad? No prize of any type but you get the thrill of winning...

of a small bit of trivia.

[This message has been edited by LDWriter2 (edited July 16, 2011).]
 

I don't recognize the ad tho.

Axe
 

You asked how we thought of our stories. It was an act of desperation, fleeing from my current WIP. No, really. These contests are the perfect place to get lots of feedback for trying something new. So, the challenges I set myself writing Iterum were:

1) Write something completely different from my normal YA fantasy (but I don't have enough science brains to go true hard sci-fi, so I guess it was quasi-hard-sci-fi)

2) Rereading my WIP everyone was 'looking', or 'glancing,' and don't get me started on the 'shrugging' *cringe*. So, could I write a story where no one could see or move on their own and still make it interesting? My dh says sometimes limitations force creative leaps, and I think it was this limitation that really made the story take shape.

3) And this is where I need input to understand, please, please.
My favorite author, Megan Whalen Turner, writes her stories so that when you get to the end you realize all the assumptions you blithely made were wrong and the story you just read was not the one you thought you read. BUT, if you reread it, every word in the story still makes sense in the new context. It's like getting two stories in one. That's what I tried to do. Granted, it was a poor first attempt, but could someone explain specifically what made them feel cheated? (I love being fooled by the text, but I'm weird that way) I want to get this right and try to send it out. Thanks!

And that's the motivation behind Iterum.
So, Axe, especially, what's yours?

 

[This message has been edited by RoxyL (edited July 17, 2011).]
 

I do apologize for my editing or lack of in my story. It was the 3rd story I wrote in the challenge time frame and it suffered, it was the 2nd one I had intended for the contest. The first ran too long. And I ran out of time trying to get another done, and didn't get a very good edit on.

But come on, tell me you don't want the recipe for the "dessert" that cracks doors. You know you do. For a pesky in-law maybe?

I've read a few of those stories too, and I think they generally boil down to one of a couple main flavours:

a) Reliable Narrator. The narrator doesn't know it's all going to be changed either. When they get to the end, they're just as surprised as the reader. Thus, the surprise to the reader is genuine - they don't feel that the narrator has lied to them, they feel that the situation itself (perhaps through the actions of other characters) has not been what it seems.

b) Unreliable Narrator. The narrator is established as unreliable in some way, so we don't feel cheated. For example, an explicit method: If the opening lines were "Sure, people call me a liar, a cheat and a scoundrel. I'll bend the truth for them, for you - anyone, so long as it gets the job done," then we know that the narrator can't be trusted. But also, we know that they know - so when they spring withheld information on us it doesn't come as a complete surprise. Then again (imho), they'd better acknowledge the withholding at some point ("See? Told you I was a liar") and there be a reason they're withholding it: otherwise the narrator just seems like he's not intending to tell a story but to trick the reader - and who likes that?
 

You asked for the story behind the story, Axe. This was one of three that I started writing from the trigger. Both of the other two were variants on time travel, but very different ideas on how that happened. It seemed that every idea I got from the trigger was about time travel. Then the opening sentence came to me.

It was originally going to be a simple escape story, but I struggled initially for a strong enough motivation. I then remembered one of my most painful moments - the final minute before I went under a general anaesthetic for a very minor operation, when the anaesthetic was burning up my veins, and tried to write that experience. It wasn’t initially a political/moral point – that came later. So, to the reader that disagreed strongly with the politics that it presented, email me, I would love to hear your viewpoint, particularly as I am toying with turning the tables on our current understanding of Taylor (who says that Daphne told the whole truth? And if Jafeez finds out…), but don’t fully know if I understand the counter arguments well enough to pull that off. (Why would someone take a job to do what he did?) The critiques will help make this into a much stronger story, and have already spawned a number of ideas toward that goal.

A couple hit an interesting issue on the head – when I first wrote the story, it ended up 3500 words long, and I had to pare it back. I think the ending suffered a bit due to that. Did anyone else run into that issue?

 

I started two different stories, but they just weren't going anywhere and I felt I needed a lot more time to work them into something worthwhile. This idea came to me with about three days left in the contest and like some stories it basically wrote itself. I really didn't get a lot of time to work on it to clean it up, and then when I was about to send it I found out it was about half again as long as the contest allowed so I smushed it down. Because I only had about two hours to do that in I didn't clean it, I just hacked it together. Hence the somewhat "unfinished" story. When I read the first 13 I was aghast because it didn't even read like english. I almost pulled it then, but I wanted to get a sense for how everyone reacted to it.

As for the "disturbing" ending, I can only say that I probably read too much Poe and H.P. Lovecraft growing up. I am a vietnamn veteran so I wanted to give the reader a sense of hoplessness that a lot of vets have coming back. I was concerned about the flashback sequences. I wanted to give the reader a little bit of disorientation, but still push the story along. It seems like only one reader was really put off by that so that was good.

As for the ending, if you think about it, there's really no other way it could end. Because of that I probably won't submit it to WOTF because it sounds like they don't like sad endings. I hope that everyone that read it has a little more empathy when they see those rows of coffins that the news media like to show. I don't know anyone who served who won't tell you the best of us are the ones that never came back.
 

Just remove the bits where you come right out and say he's not been down this road and you'll be fine. You don't have to say he has been, just avoid the issue.

Yeah, I try to be funny by being grouchy. It never works. I just end up being grouchy. I tried to throw a curve in there with my not funny bit but I think I only ended up proving my point.

Ute That is interesting. You spoke of disorientation with the flashbacks, but it went just over the edge to confusion. (for me.) But I bet you could clean that up in editing. If you wrote this whole thing with only a few days left it turned out damn good.

Anyone else?

I'll tell all in a different post. Just skip the next one if you have better things to do with five minutes of your life, like file your toenails down to the skin. That'd probably be more fun.

Axe
 

The subject was just too perfect for this trigger, though. So I dusted it off, revised it a little (evidently not enough ) and sent it off.

The story actually takes place in the same world (although not using any of the characters or settings) as my first two (now shelved) novels. Which, BTW, I am now totally rewriting in a very different (MG) form.
 

I noticed a few people have said they wrote multiple stories for this contest. I am no different.

My first story was about Tom Wiseman, the man who read in the future paper that he would save a nuclear power plant from a meltdown in Washington state.

He travels there and meets the grateful workers who show him everything they can, but since Tom alone saves the place, and wasn't interviewed afterward, no one knows how he does it.

When the meltdown begins, Tom finds himself with seconds to go before lock down and a decision to enter a room where he might make a difference, or exit the room and hope for the best.

He enters the room, saves the day, but is hopelessly irradiated. He peruses his past failings and the story ends.

I thought of writing a bit where he comes to in a hospital, which is why he wasn't interviewed by the future paper, because he was out for two days, but I didn't get this far because I got so pissed at myself for writing another damn story about the end of someone's life and how they felt about it that I scrapped everything and went as far to the other spectrum as I could, starting with the cliche of saving a bus load of nuns... Who cares about boring and depressing nuclear power plants. Bah!

I have an acquaintance named Johann D... His mother has four kids, but you'd never know it. She only has eyes for him. He is, in a word, amazing. I worked with his mother for years and have heard stories like you wouldn't believe. He has super powers, for real. I would joke that Johann would find a cure for cancer while simultaneously rescuing a bus load of nuns. (Johann is in school studying none other than cancer research.)

Now I have the future paper left over from my first story, a new and more interesting name for my MC, and a definable goal. I spent the rest of the story putting this fish out of water (unfamiliar territory) while decorating it with as many Harry Potterisms as I could. (goofy things like the Barrowman Mirror, and the mono-escalator and zip-fly. Based on the zip-car rentals.)

It was my hope that there would be some laughter out there in the world based on my story. However, since humor is subjective, I understood my chances of bringing home the big prize were slim. I'm happy to have made it to the second round.

And yet - there's more. Still reading? Why for heaven's sake?

Johan lives in a dystopian society. Despite my aimed lighting of this tale, there's some sad things lurking in the shadows. Corporate mergers have grown into a synergous nightmare. They overshadow all but page one news. Who will buy out who and will there be jobs for all the following week?

Ads have grown to absurd levels. They are placed directly in the wording of news articles without commas separating them from what one might be reading. They can be cleared, but there's a price in missing important information.

This is a paperless society, but not by choice. Synthetics have taken their place, which in and of itself isn't bad, but the lack of trees can mean only one thing... the population is out of control.

Based on these unfortunate skulking truisms, I've written a follow up story which takes place around 150 years later. This time I show the negative and inevitable future of this society.

The paper has been outlawed and the Barrowman mirrors have grown in popularity to the point they've become mandatory. In order to fit in society, one must look their best, or be unaccepted. Everyone works for Zorg-like conglomerates, and if one becomes unemployed, eviction notices arrive at the domicile before the terminated employee.

Care for a read? No, let's not ruin the good times.

I mention this to promote world building, even for short little stories. We all know any thought or idea or even an image can spark something great. So I say pack as much society and atmosphere into your stories as you can, even if it's just a short story for a contest, think about the world outside your characters.

This may sound like a no brainer, but it's the first time I've really done it, and I'm hoping I've succeeded in creating a world which seemed much larger than the simple story within it.

Axe
 

My story came out on the heels of an idea that I had for this next quarter's WotF entry. I needed an excuse to play with the main character a little bit and took the opportunity of Snapper's little contest to do it. My three goals here were to 1) intro the character, 2) intro the idea (which I obviously didn't do enough of as so many people thought the guy was a vampire/zombie/etc), and 3) have the MC getting out of a little pickle he got himself into after doing his first knock-off job for his new boss. I mostly got all that out, but didn't spend near enough time in working the ideas, or with getting much past the first draft for that matter, as I ran out of time. Priorities and all, I guess.

On the up side, the comments from the final crit I got tell me to do all the stuff that I've already been planning on doing with the WotF entry. So, yes, I was happy to see that the vague idea that I gave in this short story would be doable in the real one if I explored certain things.

That's mine.