This thread is for comments regarding the 'Hebora'First 13 challenge. Hebora is a fictional city where all of the entries will take place. Genre is up to you. Make the city whatever you wish. One of the characters in the challenge must be a resident of the city.
This is not meant to be an anonymous challenge. You get to post your first 13 and post your votes and critiques. If you wish to be anonymous, send me your entry and votes and I'll post it.
Here are the rules:
First 13 only Your entry must use the trigger setting below Entries will be posted on this thread. Discussion on the discussion thread
If you wish to remain anonymous send you entries to me (guy@guyantibes.com) and I'll post your entry and/or votes for you.
Dates and times and rules. Deadline is midnight Oct 25th. Post your votes to entry page after deadline
Voting Criteria: Location used, character used. Good hook Immersion into scene
Please vote for your top 3 favorite openings. Points will be awarded 5 for 1st, 4 for 2nd, 3 for 3rd. Favorite title receives 1 point per vote.
Trigger Your first 13 must take place in the city of Hebora. Hebora is not on Earth, but wherever else you choose it to be. Genre is up to you.
Your first 13 must include a character that lives in the city.
Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :
Let's get some titles on these entries, folks. I'd like to start with the critiques before the deadline gets here.
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
Sure, Matt. Although I knocked this off in a mere minute while doing other things. It seems I ran afoul of the 13 line limit (do blank lines between paragraphs count?).
Thank you for editing it, Kathleen but, in so doing, you removed the required Challenge word "Hebora". I returned the lines you edited and removed the mood-setting middle section instead.
Respectfully, Dr. Bob
Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :
Blank lines do not count, as they take the place in online publication of print's indented paragraph formatting that conventionally is not line-space gapped, except to signal jump transitions, which for online publication are signaled by, for example, typesetters' space symbol (#), or the hashmark, or asterisks.
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
Hmm. I thought I had my 13 within limits, then; but I guess not. But that's okay. Thank you, extrinsic.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
Sorry, History. I didn't count the spaces between the lines, and I was surprised that it was so far over the 13 lines.
What you have now is 12 lines, by the way.
Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :
I'm in. Kathleen, it wouldn't hurt my feelings if you checked mine. For some reason, there is a big discrepancy in the text box on this browser and MSWord. I tried a couple of other posts there to test it, but they didn't fit either.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
Oops! I put a note about the length in your post, Rich, and I should have put it here. Sorry.
I'll go remove it.
BTW, I counted 11 lines, and one of them was only one word.
Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :
Now?
Posted by kmsf (Member # 9905) on :
My apologies. I've added a title and edited my entry to comply with the Heboran resident and setting rules. I'm enjoying reading the entries.
Posted by wirelesslibrarian (Member # 9513) on :
Owasm, thanks so much for putting on this new challenge. It's been quiet around here.
I'm really enjoying reading the 13s, and I wonder if it's too soon to post crits?
I'd also like to state, here and now, that reading these openings makes me wish I had the rest of the stories to look forward to. Talk about being drawn in.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
quote:Originally posted by InarticulateBabbler: Now?
The last paragraph is two lines over the limit, Rich. I didn't delete them because I figured you'd want to fix the post to get "Hebora" in there.
Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :
Every Hebora challenge entry thus far has been revised after posting. I find that especially encouraging and an enticement and useful practice for this challenge. The contest entry period closes on the 25th. Being able to revise up until then I find especially beneficial.
I'm enjoying and being enlightened seeing the revision process going on in other entries.
For mine, I might squeeze in another word or two, change one or two words, excise a bit here or there, or add in a feature I've missed that occurs to me might strengthen the whole. Though a writing philosophy of one consensus group discourages revision, I'm of the belief revision can and should be done up until a terminal decision.
Posted by Owasm (Member # 8501) on :
@wirelesslibrarian -
I don't suggest critiques until all of the entries are in. Certainly not voting. If you want to critique those already written, feel free to do so to reduce the time it takes after the challenge ends.
Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :
@Owasm: I saved them all in MSWord, si I can do just that, without littering the page.
@Kathleen: I'm trying to work this out. I'm just guessing here.
Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :
I'm pretty sure I got it now. I had to click "Full Reply Form" to get a box of the right size. Taking the spaces out, what's left filled the box--sans the title,
Posted by wirelesslibrarian (Member # 9513) on :
I'll wait to post comments, Owasm. Think I'll just start a document to jot them down in the meantime.
Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :
Personally, I think critique is the whole point, not winning. If it were up to me we'd post critique often and early. But I'll hold off until others start.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
quote:Originally posted by InarticulateBabbler: I'm pretty sure I got it now. I had to click "Full Reply Form" to get a box of the right size. Taking the spaces out, what's left filled the box--sans the title,
Got it! I don't know why there is a difference in size but maybe we're the strange ones, wanting a reply box that is a certain size.
Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :
The source code for the Quick Reply text box is set to ten rows, fifty columns. Perhaps requesting the site's web page writer change that to thirteen rows and sixty-six columns would reduce some confusion.
Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :
I don't understand what is this Hebora?
I feel like everyone knows but me.
When Google doesn't know, I become frightened.
Axe
Posted by tesknota (Member # 10041) on :
Haha, Axe! Hebora isn't real. Hebora's the challenge!
Reread the first post under "Trigger".
I become frightened when Wikipedia doesn't know. I start self-destructing when Google doesn't know.
Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :
quote:Originally posted by axeminister: I don't understand what is this Hebora?
Hebora is the city where the Heboroos live.
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
quote:Originally posted by MattLeo:
quote:Originally posted by axeminister: I don't understand what is this Hebora?
Hebora is the city where the Heboroos live.
Mine is the second townhouse on Yizroosalem Way, way across the street from Rubenny's Koshoroo deli and bagel shop.
Respectfully, Dr. Bob
Posted by legolasgalactica (Member # 10087) on :
Well, seeing as how OSWAM gave permission and the deadline's only 2 days away, there's a couple crits I've really wanted to put out since they were first posted
MattLeo Quote from "Right (sic) of Passage":
“What must I do?”“You must take your father's war bow, and eagle-fletched arrows,” he said. “You know these things?”“I do, grandfather,” I said. “Then what?”
I was sucked in until this point where the dialogue didn't mesh with the story and tone you created in my mind up 'till that point. The directive to get weapons was fine, but the rest seemed awkward and unnatural. I loved the final line but I'm confused in my head as to whether he's supposed to bring back the weapons, his father, or 'ur-hebora' whatever/whoever that is. Fix those few things and you could make my top 3.
History, I have no words, I'm still trying to stop the flow of drool as my mouth hangs open in admiration. It's a shame about the '13' limitation. Tack on another 10,000 words (or as many as you like) and I'll buy that book based entirely on these 13.
I'll try to get back with a few more.
[ October 23, 2013, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: legolasgalactica ]
Posted by wirelesslibrarian (Member # 9513) on :
Legolas, I really hope you mean drool.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
Yeah, me too.
Posted by legolasgalactica (Member # 10087) on :
Yeah drool. the phone typing gets me in trouble too often.
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
How kind, legolas. Thank you. I needed that.
Respectfully, Dr. Bob
Posted by shimiqua (Member # 7760) on :
My daughter has a stuffed zebra she named Zebrew. I like to think it's Jewish.
Posted by kmsf (Member # 9905) on :
Too late, the image is seared into my mind... I second the compliment to Dr. Bob, however.
I will stop tinkering, I will stop tinkering..
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
quote:Originally posted by shimiqua: My daughter has a stuffed zebra she named Zebrew. I like to think it's Jewish.
Hm. There are African Jews, of course, and black and white striped tallit (prayer shawls) are quite common [http://www.talit.com/item_detailes.asp?item=28&category=17 ].
But (briefly, as I do not wish to go too far off-topic) may I ask why you like to think of the stuffed zebra as Jewish? (Though I love the idea of "hug a Jew").
Respectfully, Dr. Bob
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
quote:Originally posted by kmsf: Too late, the image is seared into my mind... I second the compliment to Dr. Bob, however.
I will stop tinkering, I will stop tinkering..
Thank you as well, kmsf. It seems like I am always tinkling, getting worse as I age. I just quickly let loose these 12 lines like a schauzer at a hydrant and then just trotted on. But I suppose now I should give further thought to actually writing a complete story.
W-wait! You said "tinkering"...oh my (>blush<), my apologies.
Respectfully, Dr. Bob
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
quote:Originally posted by History: But (briefly, as I do not wish to go too far off-topic) may I ask why you like to think of the stuffed zebra as Jewish?
Because Zebrew rhymes with Hebrew?
Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :
That phone echoes sentiments, too. What an odd phone.
Axe
Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :
quote:Originally posted by shimiqua: My daughter has a stuffed zebra she named Zebrew. I like to think it's Jewish.
You just gave me an idea for the mother-of-all-Dr-Bob stories.
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
quote:Originally posted by MattLeo:
quote:Originally posted by shimiqua: My daughter has a stuffed zebra she named Zebrew. I like to think it's Jewish.
You just gave me an idea for the mother-of-all-Dr-Bob stories.
I shudder to think what your ingenius brain is "brew"ing.
Posted by legolasgalactica (Member # 10087) on :
So how, where do we vote?
Posted by Owasm (Member # 8501) on :
Just tack on your crits and your votes to the Entries page. In a week, I'll tally up the results and name the winners... or, if the suspense kills you, you can tally them up yourselves.
Posted by kmsf (Member # 9905) on :
@History
LOL! Don't get me started... Cuz I can't stop ;-)
Posted by legolasgalactica (Member # 10087) on :
So how, where do we vote?
Posted by Owasm (Member # 8501) on :
Go to the Entries page and put your vote at the end.
Posted by Owasm (Member # 8501) on :
And now the winners:
First Place 36 votes: Wireless Librarian for The Opposite of Heaven is Hebora
Second Place & Third Place (tie) 21 votes: History for Lost in the City of Souls and Shimiqua for A Dark Transparent
As for the overall results, only two out of fourteen submissions failed to get any votes. I think that illustrates the quality of the entries and the range of interests of the voters.
Thanks to you all for participating and congratulations to the winners!
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
I second the compliment to Dr. Bob, however.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
No Zebrew, though, but that is clever.![[Wink]](wink.gif)