Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Postal Video---Literary Critique

This is topic Postal Video---Literary Critique in forum Grist for the Mill at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :

Earlier today---well, yesterday, by everybody's standards, but I've been up since earlier that night---I had to watch a video at work (the US Postal Service.) It was one of those "avoid preventable traffic accidents with your postal vehicle" things, about five minutes long, that they show them.

Now, I'm not complaining about why they showed this video to clerks and mailhandlers who do not drive postal vehicles. I'm here to point out a few flaws in the writing of it.

First off, it opened with a scene of a funeral. The narrator, who you're supposed to realize is the guy in the coffin being lowered into the ground, says something like, "Look at all the people...my family, my friends...how could this happen to them?" I thought (and actually said aloud,) "C'mon, something happened to the guy in the box, too."

But the big flaw was later. After talking about (and showing) the less-serious accidents of his co-workers, the guy has his own, fatal, accident. He says something like, "The accident report said I didn't have my seatbelt fastened...I was ejected from the car...the accident report said I didn't have a chance."

Besides the thought that the guy should've known he didn't wear his seatbelt without reading the accident report, I'm left with this double mental image of (1) this guy dying in a car crash, and then (2) taking the time to read the accident report after his death.

Sometimes they put together some interesting safety videos...but other times they're like this. It might have been only five minutes long, but, if I'd been grading the writing, I'd give it a "D."