This story has three main characters. Setting Varan/Varana aside (because I'm pretty sure I'm going to kill her off, which would make her a bad choice for main character), this could be Tia's story, or a balance of Tia's and Marcian's stories. I don't think (right now, at least) that I want to write it as primarily Marcian's story.

If it's Tia's story, it's pretty much going to be a fantasy romance. Her character arc is to figure out what it is that she wants, which is different than what's expected of her, and find the courage to fight for it.

If I make Marcian's story more important--at least equal to hers--it's more of a mainstream fantasy with a strong romantic element. Once she and Varan free him from a sort of geas, he's got a kind of quest to complete, while trying to keep hold of her against her father's opposition, and overcoming other obstacles.

If I go that way, this would be the first 13:

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The rear guard must have fallen. That meant his father was dead. Marcian shook his head, blinking back tears. He didn’t have time to think about that. Kondar’s army was gaining on them. They’d never make it to their sanctuary in the mountains. They just couldn’t move fast enough with the women and children. This was the task his father had charged him with--to save the future of their people.

Marcian wheeled his horse around. Slowly, the other young men turned and came back to him. They looked to him as their leader. His first command and he knew he wasn’t ready for it. But he was the only one of them trained for this. And he was going to lead them to their deaths. It was the only way to buy enough time for the others.

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Second Version:

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From this vantage point, Marcian could look back across the valley. There was no mistaking it; Kondar’s army was gaining on them, coming on like a line of ants, relentless and unopposed. The rear guard must have fallen already. That meant his father was probably lying dead back there somewhere. Marcian shook his head, blinking back tears. Don’t think about that right now; think about the objective. Father had charged him with this one task--save the women and children, save the future of their people. How was he supposed to do that? They’d never make it to their sanctuary in the mountains at this rate.

Marcian wheeled his horse around. Slowly, the other young men turned and came back to him. They looked to him as their leader because of his training. Really, he was a green as they were.

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Third Try:

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From this vantage point, Marcian could look back across the valley. There was no mistaking it; Kondar’s army was gaining on them with no one to oppose them. The rear guard must have fallen already. That meant his father was probably lying dead back there somewhere. Marcian shook his head, blinking back tears. Don’t think about that right now. Father had charged him with this one task--save the women and children, save the future of their people. How was he supposed to do that? They’d never make it to their sanctuary in the mountains at this rate.

Marcian wheeled his horse around. Slowly, the other young men turned and came back to him in no particular order. Farm boys, mostly. They looked to him as their leader because of his training. Really, he was as green as they were. And he was

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I'm thinking of starting off with Marcian rather than Tia and making his story a bigger part of this novel.

So is the above opening better than:

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Tia forced herself to sit quietly beside her sister. She would rather walk. Walking or even pacing helped her think. She had to compose her arguments in her head so she wouldn’t hesitate or miss an important point.

Activity swirled around them. Men were preparing the palace and the city for the coming war. Women and servants were busy packing valuables to be taken to the mountain fortress along with the women. In the midst of all of this, their father had sent for them to his private audience chamber. There was only one possible reason for that. Tia had actually been expecting this since word of the advancing army came.

“What do you think it’s about?” Janessa asked, smoothing the folds of her skirt for the third time.

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Readability, I am thinking that if you break up the expositive sentences by varying the sentene structure and adding a bit of dialogue it would flow a little better. I am hesitant to rewrite this since it is your story and I dont know where you want to go with it, but I want to give an example of what I mean. Something along the lines of...

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The rear guard must have fallen. That meant his father was dead. Marcian shook his head, blinking back tears. He didn’t have time to think about that. How could he get them to the sanctuary of the mountains before Kondar’s army overtook them? They just couldn’t move fast enough with the women and children. His father had charged him with one task-- save the future of their people--and he felt he was going to fail.
Marcian wheeled his horse around. Slowly, the other young men turned and came back to him. A young captain addressed him. "Sir, what are your orders?" Orders? These soldiers looked to him as their leader. This was his first command and, despite his training, he knew he wasn’t ready for it. He wasn't ready to order these men to their deaths, but it was the only way they could buy enough time to save the others.

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Also, I realize there is only so much you can put into the 13, but it would be great to set the scene a little bit. A brief description of the terrain, and a description of the battlefield. Also, what did he see that made him think the rear guard had fallen.

FWIW, there is dialog on line 14.

To set the scene a little:

This is actually Marcian's first battle. The only thing that sets him apart from the others is he has actually had some training. The young men were sent to guard the retreat while all the seasoned warriors acted as a rear guard. He knows they've fallen because the enemy army is coming on unopposed. And now he and a bunch of green boys have got to try to slow that army down so the women and children can get away. Out of desperation he's going to do something--activate a family curse and undertake a geas--that he's going to have trouble undoing for most of the rest of the book.

While I've got it framed as Chapter One, this is almost a prologue, because the next time we see Marcian he will be a very skilled and experienced commander.

1. "They looked to him as their leader because of his training." That's sort of a generalization, isn't it, and very possibly incorrect? Some might think him qualified, but when the boss's son gets a highly placed job straight out of school, most of his employees don't think "Wow, he's really qualified", they think "Must be nice to have a Dad like that". Also, you are stating what the solders were thinking - wrong POV, no?

2. I believe ants tend to march in a single-file line, but the impression I got from reading what you wrote is that the army was advancing in a horizontal line, shoulder-to-shoulder. Which one is it?

3. A term like "the objective" sounds a little modern to me. Medieval type soldiers might hanve "an objective", but would they really refer to it as "the objective"? I'm hardly the expert here, can others comment perhaps?

4. You seem to post a lot of this or this, which do you like posts. Sometimes, it's easy to say, "this first thirteen is superior to that other one", but in this situation, how are we to even begin to discern which would be better? We could maybe make generalizations (like, fantasy readers are generally male, so they would probably not read as much straight-up romance with a fantastic element as they would straight-up fantasy with romantic element) but if your heart is more in one story than the other, then you'll likely write that story better. Really and truly, writing is about making decisions some times - which words to choose, which POV to write in, what style to emulate, where to begin and end a tale - and that includes (probably most importantly) what stories to tell.

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You seem to post a lot of this or this, which do you like posts. Sometimes, it's easy to say, "this first thirteen is superior to that other one", but in this situation, how are we to even begin to discern which would be better?

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I guess I have, lately. I don't usually. It all started with trying to get that blasted query right. I'll refrain from doing that in the future. Thanks for pointing it out. Actually, sometimes just typing the question helps to clarify it in my mind. But then I should delete without posting, although I don't mind getting input, too.

I have refrained from calling them soldiers for a reason. They aren't. They're the young men of a peaceful people--15-18 years old--and none of them have any experience with this. Marcian is just the only one who's actually had some training, so they do look to him as the leader.

I'm certainly no military expert, but I was under the impression that armies usually advance in a (from the perspective of the target) vertical line and fan out to a horizontal line before the battle. But that doesn't mean I should take that impression for granted. I'll try to make it more clear.