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 Hatrack River Writers Workshop
 Fragments and Feedback for Nonfiction
 In the Company of Bats First paragraph
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| Author | Topic: In the Company of Bats First paragraph |
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lecriveur Member |
posted May 14, 2009 12:36 AM
  
They fly but they are not birds. One percent of them—one million people—speak 29 languages, including English. They are furry with red eyes that glow in the night. They are affluent and destitute. They are not marsupials, felines, or rodents and without them, the world would be overrun by insects. Many American businesses could not survive without their services. Others of their kind live on fruit and a few feed on flesh. They are nothing like us; they are just like us. Myths about them abound. They are revered. They are misunderstood. They are bats; they are India. IP: Logged |
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mikemunsil Member |
posted May 14, 2009 08:19 AM
Hmm. I see where you are going, but had to re-read to ensure that I was correct. So, although I like the idea, and I find your writing to be very good, I think that the presentation runs a strong risk of confusing the casual reader. Try expanding each of the bat sentences into a paragraph, and place the italicized sentences between them in the order of the sentences of this first paragraph. Nice idea. I'd like to see more of this. IP: Logged |
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lecriveur Member |
posted May 15, 2009 08:49 PM
Good suggestion. I'll try that and see how it looks. You're right; it is a risky opening so I appreciate your feedback even more. Right now the piece is about 1700 words. If are interested in more, I'd be glad to send it to you. Regards, Chris IP: Logged |
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