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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Discussions About Orson Scott Card » Reviewer comments unlikely to be used on flak jackets

   
Author Topic: Reviewer comments unlikely to be used on flak jackets
Dobbie
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"Guaranteed to stop most BB gun pellets!"
"Just the right shade of red to hide blood stains, just in case."
"Available in Infant and Toddler sizes."
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Orson Scott Card
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One size fits all.

Do not use in wind faster than 70 mph.

Withstands impacts up to 110 mph.
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Orson Scott Card
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Does not substitute for parachute in case of imminent impact with ground.
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Bob_Scopatz
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Made with genuine Kevin(TM) -- it's like Kevlar, at least in the first syllable.

The jacket of choice for bank robbers the world over, 60 years running!

Lifetime warranty, void if damaged.
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Bob_Scopatz
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Not for use in political debates.

Our motto:
"The Jacket you'll leave to your next of kin"
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Hamson
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Can stop up to two bullets at once!

Do not put in dryer.

Withstood the test of a potato gun!
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Noemon
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"Will repel bullets, as long as you don't sweat in it or expose it to heat."

Oh, wait, those are warnings that probably *will* be appearing on flak jackets. My mistake!
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Orson Scott Card
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Not available in Iraq.
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Vasslia Cora
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Easily the best investment you made.
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airmanfour
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"Weighs only 5 lbs. when armor plating is removed."

"Now available in pink, orange, and 'scratch-and-sniff'"

"I can't believe its not butter!"
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Noemon
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quote:
Originally posted by Orson Scott Card:
Not available in Iraq.
Don't know whether to laugh or cry at that one.
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Roseauthor
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Warning: May cause dangerous levels of confidence.

No animals were harmed during testing.

Tested on over 5,258 soldiers.

Passed quality assurance by: inspector #2.

Use only around competetent adult.
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smitty
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Well, to use a lesson learned by a local officer,

Do Not Test While Wearing
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Roseauthor
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Novelty Item only.

As seen on Janet Jackson during half time at the superbowl. (removable breast cover not included)
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Vasslia Cora
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No, real bullets have ever been fired at this jacket.


Will stop nerf darts.
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Bob_Scopatz
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Now in toddler sizes

(specially marketed to households in which gun owners don't know enough to lock up their weapons)
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Locke2525
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prolonged exposure might cause several terminal diseases.

Great nutcracker if you find your husband in bed with another

Ribbed for her pleasure
Posts: 65 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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