It is only 8:00 am here and I'm only on my third cup of coffee. I'm sure even God would agree that we don't settle into our "groove" until at least our fifth cup of coffee.

God never sends in warranty registration cards.

God sometimes wishes he could be a long haul trucker, just for a little while.

When Jesus was little, God used to sing him songs about himself to get him to sleep. Of course, all those trumpets blaring and angelic voices would disturb the whole neighborhood, so he had to stop.

God had business cards printed up, but the printer made a mistake on the contact information and now people keep ringing up the local Krispy Kreme when they need comfort.

God sometimes flips open his Book of Life at random and erases all the bad entries just for the sheer joy of it.

God held the elevator an extra second yesterday at a building in Milwaukee. He was appropriately thanked by the beneficiary.

God wonders why no-one has ever named a boat after him. Not that he minds, but it'd be a nice gesture.

God recommends extra roof ridge vents in the South.

God has a box full of all the various TV/VCR/CD/DVD remotes that everyone has ever lost. But don't worry: He memorized all the multi-unit programming codes before He removed all the batteries so they wont mess up the remotes.

God recycles batteries.

God likes nothing better than a good solid exoskeleton.

God thinks Israelights brand of candles are horribly misnamed and hopes no-one derives any pleasure from burning them.

God could stare at a lava lamp for æons, but he wont.

God says there really is one true love for every person, but they could be separated by the span of oceans or even thousands of years. And he's sorry for that, but its just the way things worked out.

God thinks the candy factory sketch on I Love Lucy is the funniest sight gag ever on TV.

Nobody likes to play poker with God because he's got one of those faces you just can't read. That and he "buys the pot" no matter how good his hand is.

God thinks that when a toy ad says "hours of fun" it should really be true. Someone ought to measure the fun and report back to the government.

Not even God laughs at Family Circus.

God likes "fluff threads" on hatrack, because it lets newbies get started posting in an unobtrusive way.

God knows why this is called a "fluff" thread.

God thinks people ought to get baptized every few years, despite the obvious doctrinal concerns.

God thinks "it's like herding cats" is an apt metaphor for so many things.

God is Onmiscient, Omnipresent, and Omnipotent, so was a bit upset when the magazine Omni was not about him.

God sometimes wishes he lived nearer to Home Depot. Especially after the third trip in one day.

God always flies first class, but is considering buying his own private jet.

God prefers going to a good old-fashioned barber rather than one of those trendy "salons".

God can believe it's not butter.

God wishes Lord of the Rings had been written BEFORE creation, 'cause there's no way he could create an oliphaunt now without everybody noticing.

God doesn't even remember his first date. "It was just so long ago."

God asks will we please not kill off all of the Zebras and Pandas...he has a certain affection for animals he created pre-Technicolor.

God was infinitely confused when his package arrived from the "Adam and Eve" collection and it was NOT home videos of the Garden of Eden, as he assumed. Same with the "Big Bang" video he ordered.

God wishes we'd stop all of these "Word of the Day" threads. He has better things to do with His time than make up new words.

God never wonders if he is Bob. God is not that silly.

God knows that Orangatang Tribes have Cultures, but they don't have Culture Club, so that's ok.

God doesn't believe in aliens, on any of the planets he's worshipped on.

God didn't plan all of history so we could one day create S'Mores, but the real reason wasn't nearly as tasty.

God created Life (the game) to bring families together. Satan created Monopoly.

God hates computers; it gives humans a false sense of owning a brain.

God isn't sure what to think of cloning. There are so many legal issues to work out. I mean, technically he created the creators. But, just because they are fans doesn't mean they can copy His material.

God really misses the days when television was more than a bunch of lame reality shows. That is why He invented cable.

God loves bugs so much He made them more abundant than any other animal. Only God knows why.

And while He says "You're welcome" whenever someone says "Thank God", He usually just does it out of courtesy...not because He actually DID anything.

God gave us opposable thumbs to make up for not being able to lick ourselves. That's what REALLY separates us from the animals. Most of us anyway.

God thought about having another son, but after how we treated the last one...He said forget it.

God bought a giant calculator with one button for every number from + to - infinity. At first He thought it would save money because it's solar powered, but after it burned through 15 suns, He's not so sure.

God created black holes as handy matter storage devices.

There is no truth to the adage that God puked and Cleveland was born.

God wishes He still owned a pair of gloves.