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Did you know you can fax God? You fax your prayer to this number near the Wailing Wall and adorable little street urchins straight out of Oliver Twist will scamper over and insert your fax in the Wall for only tu'pence. The Jewish people believe that there God will read and possibly answer prayers, so I guess this could work.
I read about this prayer fax service a few years back, possibly Urban Legend. But then I thought, what if you could fax God?
Storming heaven one bit at at time... If it did work, you could "fax-spam" God to lock your enemy out of the system and make sure you do all the smiting instead of being smitten!
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After lighting a bag of crap on fire on God's doorstep, God sentenced the 4 riders of the Apacolypse to be Mailmen till the end of the World.
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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God can't help but watch Elimidate whenever he happens to stumble across it.
God has toyed with ripping out all the grass on Earth and installing really plush carpet. It just feels so good on the toes.
He doesn't advertise it, but God is a spirit creature because he just really hates laundry day.
If he had it to do all over again, God would have written the Bible with a lot more "z's". Fo'nizzle.
Posts: 7600 | Registered: Jan 2001
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God was humbled once by the Ukranian all-star harp orchestra which had recently been brought to Heaven after an unfortunate bus crash involving a large cow. At any rate, God made his own angelic chorus go back in time and practice nonstop for a millennium just to ensure nothing of the sort ever happened again.
In order to speed things up, God has upgraded the angels' wings to jet packs.
God knows a few tips that Martha Stewart hasn't even dreamed up. He can get out ANY stain!
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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It was only a little while after the Earth was made that God realized he should never have invented the Depth Charge.
The only reason God invented Sunday is because if you had stayed up for six days creating the eart and all life on it, you'd want a rest, too!
God likes fuzzy slippers and hot chocolate. He REALLY likes bon-bons, but not the rum and orange kind.
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God sometimes gets annoyed when people forget the last three letters of his name, but ultimately he forgives them because he's so honored that they're talking about him at all.
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When God struts through Heaven with his ball cap on backwards, everyone knows to give him a wide berth!
God installed a parental filter at Heaven's ISP and now nobody can get anything to open, not even God.
God's new "spam the spammer" program is a big success. So far a dozen of the worst offenders have died horrible deaths compressed under several tons of processed ham.
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I always thought that maybe special effects just came into being by themselves! They don't seem to be dependant on causualty.
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God made sure that everyone was born with a ctrl+alt+delete function, just in case they were "Not Responding" or needed to be restarted.
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God is having the Book of Life digitized so He can put it on the web at www.god.com. He will smite anyone who registers that domain name before He's had a chance to take it Himself.
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God took a day off once. When he came back, there was disco. God swore it'd never happen again.
God thinks that milk shooting out one's nose is the ultimate in lactose intolerance.
Spackle makes God giggle. . . and no one knows why.
God thinks there are probably worse things than a Republican majority, but says you don't want to know what they are.
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God walked in, wearing his scrubby little dressing gown, and asked if I was looking at pictures of war dead. I told him no. He was sagely satisfied and mentioned that apparently it was OK as long as they were taken by Americans, otherwise it was an affront to the Geneva Convention. God is all about conventions. He thought Hussein's boys would be a trifle miffed at the idea as well, but since they didn't go to His Heaven he didn't really care and do we have any Corn Flakes?
Later, when God had his Holy Constitutional and had read the TV Guide front to back, he stretched and inquired about Matlock. "It's on pretty much any time in at least one country if you have cable", he noted. I pointed out that He hadn't seen fit to wire our home with cable but that I was sure Matlock was indeed playing in Taiwan or Bombay or somewhere at this very moment. He said that he could find out rather easily but wasn't really inclined to at the moment. I noticed he'd found a loose thread in his robe to worry with.
When the news announced that there was more fighting somewhere and America or Britain or Australia were involved, God stood up and said "I'm going back to bed 'til this is over". He said he hoped there were no more pictures of war dead, but if there were he was sure the Americans would do it and would say they had His OK. God was tired and couldn't be bothered.
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Every once in a while, for no apparent reason, God just has to laugh out loud. The last time he did it, was June 8th, 1967. Nobody knows why he did it, but it was a good day.
God is happy they don't name hurricanes after him. He'd be tempted to make one worthy of his name, and he hadn't done that since the incident with Noah.
God heard Pat Robertson's prayer to force a few Supreme Court Justices to retire. He's kind of hoping Pat will read that book he's always thumping, or retire himself.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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And lo it was written, for when so forth any new wave of members by herewith enter upon the realm of Hatrack, thee shall'st take thy mouse and bump this, thou thread of Bob.
And so I bump'th this thread.
And addeth to it.
God spelled backwards is Dog. Bob spelled backwards is Bob. You figure out who got the cooler name.
God doesn't like parting seas. The world looks much neater with a few miles of water smoothing out the rough edges over most of it.
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God originally took perverse pleasure in making chocolate fattening and celery so healthy, but since the advent of Krispy Kreme he's really starting to regret it.
God wishes Squicky would be on AIM more. No wait, that's me. Posts: 7600 | Registered: Jan 2001
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God invented the Universe because he got really sick and tired of searching for real estate every afternoon.
God created a special circle of Hell for real estate agents. Imagine his surprise when He saw it listed as "Hot Neighborhood -- LOCATION! LOCATION! LOCATION!" Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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God would like to point out to all aspiring singers that the human voice was never intended to warble. The only reason he let that design pass was that he thought he might enjoy yodeling now and again. He doesn't like that either.
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God thinks that Ryuko's smile and her choice of ice cream flavors makes up for an awful lot of warbling.
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I warble.... 
