I think it's sad. Your grandmother's obviously somehow senile, as is evident from the rambly nature of her letter... It's terrible that she's got to lose her faculties like that. Also terrible that she's using the time she has left writing guilt-laden letters to you.
But other than the sadness, the letters are rather hilarious. Wow, I'm SO evil...
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote: You know, I was reading the first page and thinking to myself "Why is AJ so upset? This is just a sweet Grandma giving her family news"
Then I realized there were three more pages.
I agree Belle: I read the first page and thought "That's just like my Grandma would write: slightly batty but lovely". Then we got the triangle, the lack of respect, the immodesty...
((((AJ)))) At least it seems both you and Steve are able to deal with these letters (and your Grandma).
It does seem kind of sad - while I know there are issues of control, your grandma does come across as lonely. However, you should in no way feel you have to respond/give credence to her veiws and try not to let them upset you.
I have it comparatively great: the worst I have is a weight obessed grandma who has commented on every single weight fluctuation of mine (both real and imaginary) since I was 11. I got so sick of her asking (in a passive-but-making-a-point-that-all-women-should-be-on-a-diet) how I manage to stay thin when I eat so much that I made a point of always eating chocolate cake around her. Always.
I also have a grandfather who can't stand it when I drink beer out of a bottle instead of a glass (not ladylike) but I humour him.
posted
Oh (((((((((AJ))))))))). I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. . .
Somehow, I can't help feeling sorry for her too, though. I think she really does love you. And I think she has a vision of herself saving you from darkness. She's probably used to being a matriarch, and a meddlesome one too, so this controlling tactic, I guess that's the only way she can think of. And she's old. . .
Can you remember what she was like when you were younger? This may make me seem a bastard or at least naive for saying all this, but, you know, I really have to hope she's got good reasons at heart. . .
Posts: 550 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
Well I don't know what she was like pre-menopause, but post-menopause she's always been this way. I know I've mentioned the story from when I was born (25 years ago) about her chasing my father through the grocery store screaming about how my mother was breastfeeding me wrong and starving me. (Incidentally, I never lost weight as a newborn, and was pretty fat!)
quote: I know you know how many pages I have of letters there are literally hundreds. I don't know where my binder is that has the archives. I think it may still be in a box in the garage
If it wouldn't be such a huge loss to the comedy world, I'd suggest burning or at least dumping the whole lot of them as an exercise in catharsis - why have this sort of rubbish sitting there in your garage or cluttering up your spare room?
Of course, you could always just take up Tom Davidson's web site offer, and then write back to her, something along the lines of,
Dear Grandma, sorry I haven't written back sooner, but I've been really busy lately, what with having a life and all. Thanks so much for all your letters of the last decade, though. I like them so much that I'm posting them regularly to the internet, so that my friends can also BE SAVED! They all love them, too. Please continue to write, more frequently, if at all possible...
Sounds like Steve is a great bloke and that you both have a pretty good handle on the whole situation, though. Keep smiling, we're thinking of you here in Oz.
posted
It's like my grandma joined some kind of witness protection program and became your grandma. The handwriting is even the same. My favorite thing she ever wrote was on the back of a photo of me and my husband: "Who would have thought they'd still be together after all this time?" Her whole deal was that I shouldn't marry white. The idea that I was as un-chinese as I am un-white never got through to her.
Your Mother gave me this beautiful paper for Christmas. I do have 50 angles in our apt. but you wouldn't know it unless you were counting them.
The Home Schoolers all went to the ski slopes today. Aunt Patty & Aunt Marilyn (both the aunts are written on top of the names as an after thought) left at 7:30AM with car loads. If they have over 15 they get low prices so about 30 people went from their Home School group.
I have to wear gloves to go out. Have you got used to cold weather by mow? I really like all seasons. We have a bird feeder so we feed the birds when snow covers the ground.
I watched Quinn (SP?) today for Aunt Janice. Schools had a 2 hr delay due to ice. She works next door at a Florist & brings me lots of flowers they reject there. Today I have pink & white snapdragons.
Do you watch the Millionaire? It comes on here at 8PM almost every night. Fun to watch except when Hollywood Stars come & cheat.
Today I had on my favorite record (Added above the word record is CD) with 14 gospel songs. "You are drifting too far from the Shore". (Underlined) Papa said, "he could tell you were drifting too far when you came for a visit 11 yrs ago. We were in an apt with a park behind it for 1 year. Papaw asked you to go out to the park with him. Shephen & Nate wanted to go. He had to demand you to go before you finally decided to go. Showed no respect (no respect underlined) for your grandfather. Then I remembered when we were in CA. & you came out in a dress with no back in it to wear out someplace. Your mom said, Don't wear that. It wasn't modest (underlined). You insisted on wearing it anyway - No (underlined) respect for parents. Then we both remember when you wanted us to go to Ventura College to meet your music director. You played the piano for a boy who sang in German. We both thought he was the pits, in looks & actions. He definately was not (underlined) a Christian and you thought he was great! (From "you" on is underlined.) You were drifting too far from the Shore even then ("even then" underlined.)
We could see Bob's friends were not (underlined) Christians. He drifted far away & didn't come to visit us. Now since he married Charlene ("married Charlene" underlined) after dating her 30 years he is changed. He called us on Sat. & asked us to try out a new church with them on Sunday. We did & were thrilled because it was a gospel preaching church and music was good. We had lunch together & I gave Charlene my diamond ring Russ gave me when we got engaged. She was the only daughter in law (only d-i-l underlined) who didn't have an engagement ring. She has a wedding band. & was so thrilled. (so thrilled underlined) Now that I'm 75 I'm giving away what little I have. There is a price to pay for living in sin, because I could see tears in her eyes when she held a baby & knew she was too old to have a child at 49 or 50 when she married Bob. They both seem so happy now & have new (underlined) friends. A viruous woman is a crown (underlined) to her husband." Prov 12:4 "A wise (underlined) woman buildeth her house but a foolish (underlined) woman pluketh (?)(okay it is plucketh, she just misspelled it) it down with her hands" Pro 13:22 (scratched out) 14:1 "Esteem your husband or wife better than yourself" 9( last three words underlined) Phil 2:3 "A strand Cord is strong & not quickly broken" Ecleseates (Ecclesiastes?)
(Insert, here on the right is a triangle with God and the top, husband in lower left corner and wife in lower right corner.)
When both are "born again" Christians, they can stand the test. & stay (underlined) married.
I never gave up praying for your Papaw to become a real Crhistian. Not in word only. (all underlined) 33 yrs later at age 59 he got saved & I can tell he has the Holy Spirit inside to help him see God's way of talking & doing things. He corrects himself now.
The Song goes on to say. "Come to Jesus today Let Him show you the way You are drifting too far from the shor." (all underlined) The next song says "Take it to the Lord in prayer. (all underlined) Are you weak & heavy laden? Tak it to the Lord in Prayer. " I do, because being upset is not (underlined) good for my health! Love always, Mamaw XOXO
(I think I have all my own typing errors corrected and the rest are hers. If someone notices something I missed, let me know. Also, I know AJ said it would be too hard for her to go through and type all this out. However, if it bothers her that I did it, let me know and I'll delete this. It just seemed like some people were having trouble accessing the pdf file.)
AJ, the thing that amused me was Charlene being too old by the time she married to have a baby. Is Grammy unaware that marriage isn't a prerequisit for a baby. I would think the sex they were most likely having while living together for 30 years would have been more than sufficient if they'd desired a baby.
Posts: 171 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
What I find additionally hilarious is that she hasn't figured out that if you turn the paper, your writing can proceed horizontally across the page, as opposed to that wacky upslope she's got going on now.
posted
Jack , I'm thrilled you typed it out. For me it is staring at the aforementioned letter longer than I care to in order to type it out. Pluse you don't get the full underlining effects even with Underlining capabilities now.
btw, married or not, Charlene had some serious medical issues and was unable to have children even if she wanted to, which makes that whole bit even more ludicrous. There is a big difference in choosing not to have children and not being able to have any!
posted
Just based on this and the other letter, I think I'm in the camp that kind of feels sorry for your grandmother.
I do recognize that dealing with her over the span of years would probably be enough to drive someone over the edge, though, and my heart goes out to you, Banna.
It's funny how when something is mostly 'pure', the smallest imperfections stand out. I think that you and your family are good people and that your grandmother has some kind of messiah complex where she feels compelled to erase sin and imperfection from the world, whether it exists or not. I have to wonder if she's ever really gotten out in the world and actually been exposed to seriously messed up people and seen what the real McCoy looks like so she had some kind of frame of reference.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
I have a sneaking suspicion that my gramma has some of this stored inside her as well, but since I'm the only grandkid who shows any respect for her, I don't think she wants to ruin that.
I think I've mentioned this. As far as bi-racial marriage goes...ARGH I'm getting angry thinking about it. My mom and her family treated Jes really good because he looks white. (He has part european somewhere and it really shows up.) It's so irritating that they were griping to me about bi-racial marriages once (they say the Bible is against then and the babies will have terrible lives because of the condemnation.(!) ) I had to inform them that if they had been paying attention, they'd realize that I myself was in a bi-racial marriage. OH but it's OKAY because Jes is Native American and he looks kind of white. ERRRRR the double-standard! Like, if they believe God is against mixed marriages, wouldn't he be smart enough to figure out we are mixed despite the fact Jes looks white? Or what? It's like it's only wrong if people can't tell your kids are mixed. It's all about what other people think of your family. Stupid...
Anyway I got a bit OT there. Sorry! Anna, I don't know what to say about your Gramma. Reading her letters is kinda weird, like there's two different people in her body trying to write at the same time. I wonder why she thinks she can "convert" you by insulting you? Gee Gramma, I'd love to be born-again so that I can go with you when you practice condemnation on all our other relatives. Yay!
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote: And imogen, that's so odd. MY grandmother is always trying to get me to eat MORE.
Mack, I wish I had that kind of grandmother! One of mine is very artistic, and kind of eccentric (in a lovely way), one died when I was eleven and the other is diet obessed. (Yes I have 3 grandmothers. One is actually a step-grandmother, but given she was married to my grandfather long before I was born, three has always seemed perfectly normal for me ) i've never had the traditional grandmother who worries that I'm not eating enough. I wouldn't mind one though!
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
I feel sorry for her most of the time too. But she is related to me, and every now and then it ticks me off. Posting the letter to hatrack as I said before, is a preventative coping measure that keeps me from getting worked up and wasting anger on it. Plus any way you look at it, it is pretty good on pure entertainment value!
posted
Also the boy that was "the pits", Anthony, was mostly "the pits" because he was Hispanic and Native American on top of Being Catholic, which of course sends you directly to Hell .
The music prof that was mentioned is still a very good friend and mentor of mine. I read her the letter over the phone. In recalling the incident, she described how a horde of my relatives descended on her classroom, to listen to my recital without asking permission of her, acted like they owned the place, treated everybody rudely and then trooped out in much the same manner. It wasn't my fault they were rude but I still cringe to remember it (which was probably why I'd forgotten about it).
posted
I've been having another friend read the letters. She's thinking that the letters could be considered "stalking". Though, I've never told Grandma flat out not to send them, because of the familial backlash I'd get from everyone else.
posted
No. If you are not going to talk to her about the stupid letters, for fear of a backlash your motehr would face, sicking the courts on her would be worse.
I still think the following letter would be amusing to send.
"Dear Grandma,
Thank you dearly for your concern. To know that you care for my soul gives me strength.
You will be thrilled to know that I have found religion, and its everything you said it would be--thrilling, exhilarating, peaceful, and destined.
My religion is worshiping Mary, a poor Mexican hooker. Boy is she good in bed.
posted
Yes I realize that I haven't told her they are unwelcome.
I don't know that my friend was defining it in the strictly "legal" sense of stalkering. I think she is simply talking about the unsolicited mail that isn't receiving a response going on for now close to seven years.
And that if I truly wanted it to stop at all costs, I should use tactics exactly like one would treat a stalker.
Here I'll quote her, I don't think she will mind.
quote: In fact, I think she is basically stalking you, and the tactics you would need to use (if you were going to do anything) are the same that you would need to use if a man was stalking you and offering unwanted attention. The big problem now is that it's been going on for so long. If this had just started, I would say to inform her that you find her letters offensive, and that if she doesn't start respecting you, you will throw all her letters in the trash unopened and not speak to or see her until she begins respecting you. She might then quickly realize that to have a relationship with you she needs to shape up.
But of course you couldn't do this when it started when you were a kid, if only because you didn't know better then. (I plan to make sure my kids know about stalking & harassment issues and how to deal with them.)
... You could still try something like this, but it might not work if only because the problem has been going on for so long. ... you know that you have the right to have people espect you, which clearly your Grandmother doesn't. If you ever have another similar circumstance, don't ever let it fester for so long. Demand respect and if you don't get it, cut them out of your life until they shape up! If they don't respect you why would they want to be part of your life anyway.
She's right of course. Though 7 years ago, when the letters started, while they were somewhat disrespectful about my carreer choices, they weren't really as out and out horrid and loony as they are now. I did bring it up with my mother once or twice back then, and she basically said at that point that I should ignore it and be happy I was getting letters in college.
posted
Anna, until you talk to her about the letters, it isn't stalking or anything. If you don't like the letters, seriously, talk to her. She doesn't hold you hostage. Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
I agree she is not a "stalker" in the technical legal sense (did you see what I said above?)
However unsolicited behavior continuing for years, that she gets no positive re-inforcment from, is stalker-esque in a lot of ways, even if she isn't making threats or anything else. I believe my friend is right, in that the steps I would have to take to get them to be stopped are exactly the same steps that you take with a stalker.
The first step in both cases is that you have to tell them you don't wish the letters anymore even if it is abundantly obvious to normal people. Legal steps can then be taken when the letters continue. The reason why I'm not taking the actual steps to stop the letters have already been explained. The backlash would be far worse than it is worth.
posted
There is a positive side benefit I get from the letters that just occured to me. It gets me calling up friends I haven't talked to in a while (since the last grandma letter) and we normally end up catching up on regular life for more time then we spend discussing the latest epistle.
I know a couple of my friends do look forward to them for the sheer entertainment value!
posted
Oh, I saw that - I didn't mean legally. Unless stalker means lonely and imagining a captive audience, she probably thinks she's fulfilling her duty.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Just finished reading back the four pages in this thread, and I have to say, I don't think I could deal with that nearly as well if she were my grandmother. It's so great that you can take the letters so light at heart. I really respect that. That being said, the letters definitely have great entertainment value. I think you ought to compile them and publish it, as you mentioned. I think many readers would be highly ammused. Posts: 26 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
The latest letter coming shortly. She's actually mostly sane this time. I really wonder if it is just dementia fading in and out sometimes. I think her comments on the Passion of the Christ are both valid and amusing.
Grandma has various bits circled in pink highlighter. Including the sections:
quote: Many of you have looked for love in a physical relationship. You tell yourself, "If I share my body, I will feel loved." But you never do.
and
quote: Maybe you have promised yourself to never let anyone get close enough to hurt you. You keep people far away from your heart so you wont feel pain.
She's got John 14:27 underlined and a bracket around this last bit.
quote: Confident Hope for eternal life is only found in the One who died and came back from the dead--Jesus. Now He holds the keys of death and can raise you -- and those you love-- from the dead too! Because of Jesus, our "goodbyes" can be changed to "See you again!"
I personally think an appropriate Bible verse (and there are many) would have been much less shlocky. Once again I'm trying to figure out why she is picking these partiuclar quotes to emphasize. The first two seem almost contradictory to me. But oh well.
Now for the letter! Bolds are substituted for underlining. Editorial explanations by me are in brackets.
quote:March 2,'04 Dear Anna Jo,
Thanks so much for the Dine out meal we had at the Olive Garden after Church SUnday. We both had ( Big platter ) wonderful meals & ice tea & salad & had money left for the tip. Thanks to you and Steve! Yum! Yum! [I sent them an Olive Garden gift certificate for Christmas so that I didn't get the year before's backlash]
Yesterday our temp gotg up to 62 so "Spring is just around the corner," as they say.
We have a new "loaner car" now. It is a '95 Pearl Lincoln. Aunt Marylynn just came to borrow it today while her car is in getting fixed. WE drive a Silver '97 Lincoln. THey both drive so good. We like to have an extra car for our children to borrow. Linda [my cousin]age 18 has borrowed it too. She goes to Lancaster Bible college for 2 classes a week free,but is still 12th grade Home Schooler!
Did you see The "Passion of the Christ" I'm not going because I've seen 3 Passion Plays in times past. One was called a (Living Easter Message). 3 men were roped to crosses & looked miserable hanging there. I know Jesus suffered the most with pain & spiritual suffering for all the sins of the World. We killed him, it wasn't the Jews. He could have called 10,00 angels, but he dield for you & me. Aunt Janice went to see it with 80 people from her churhc. She said she had nightmares that night & couldn't sleep. It took 3 days to get all that blood out of her mind, so she could function at work. The ressurection was only given 1 minute at the end. Of course Easter is my favorite day to celebrate Jesus. I usually send Easter Cards out.
Logan Kibbler age 18 next door [also my cousin] is a great Christian! He can drive his friends to Volleyball gamnes. He plays on J.V. team. He paid $300 for a VMW, because it ran into a ditch. & fan hit radiator Uncle Wendell just pulled it away from the fan. [That's what she wrote, I'm torn between BMW or VW... don't know which] They all are great mechanics and can fix anything. Guy sold it because he though fixing it would cost too much. Logan won another friend to Christ last week. They are so happy they are going to heaven & keep asking Logan for more info. Jesus is coming soon! Love,XOX Mamaw
I don't remember any egregious spelling errors so most typos are probably mine in transcription.
posted
Thanks for this grandma thread. It causes me to consider my own Granny in a new light.
We’ve always thought that Satan owned Granny’s mind. She once accused her neighbor of stealing the wheels off her vacuum cleaner and replacing them with identical but inferior ones.
We’ve since discovered that some of Granny’s children and grandchildren have bipolar disorder, traceable back to her. So we’ll cut Granny some slack and hope folks are as patient with us when we get old.
Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I don't know if it is dementia in her old age or what. The thing is, when she is writing "mean" I know it is stuff she really believes even if it isn't couched very nicely.
As I said on another thread. If I publish my colllection, the perfect title is:
posted
AnnaJo, this is so much better. Do you think that positive reinforcement from you would help encourage the sane part of her?
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Unfortunately I'm afraid it would trigger the other part.
I don't understand it at all. You have only read the recent bad letters because there haven't been a lot of good ones, but over the seven years I've been getting them, there is no rhyme or reason to when she goes nuts. There have been some newsy ones and postcards with out anything offensive in them, but those are probably no more than 50%.
At least you know that a whole cohort of rational, well-adjusted people think the letters you've posted are viciously nutty.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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It's interesting because the news items seeme to center around cars and how good they are. Is grandma trying tell you something? What kind of car do you drive?
Austin will be 22 in April & just gave a diamond ring to Shelly Kaeggy his girlfriend. We are all so excited. She is a sweet Christian & really loves Austin. ?She graduates fromcollege in June & he has a job. Her initials will be the same S. K (ibler). First he asked her parents when she was away if he could marry her. They said yes & he searched for 3 days to buy her the best ring he could afford. He tried to think up ways of askin her to marry him. Finally when he said he would cook her a meal & serve it on a small table in the LR [Living Room of his parent’ house] by the fireplace. He only grills steaks, so Patty [Austin’s mother] said she would cook the meal & Truely & Cherish [Austin’s sisters] dressed up in black with white aprons & served the dinner to them. After they served dessert Aunt Patty & girls came over here
2/ to our apartment. Patty called her folks [Shelly’s parents] to come over to our apartment to wait for Austin’s call. After she said “yes” & he gave her the ring they danced a while to music he picked out. The cal came & we all rushed over to Congradulate them.
It was so much fun! Logan, age 17, helped clean the house & set the table & the girls cooked all day. Cherish said, “I hope after we worked so hard she doesn’t say NO.” Earlier Logan said “after cleaning up so much I hope she says “yes”.”
A. Patty laughed so much too. Shelly was surprised because he never asked her for her ring size.? It was a 7 & she wears 6. They will have to go get it sized right soon.
It looks like they will be the first ones to get married. I always thought it would be you Anna Jo.! Can you quit your job now & get married there in a pastor’s study or justice of the peace.? You & Steve could come to our 5 bedroom shore house near the Ocean City, MD boardwalk. We give Honeymoon Couples the whole house free for a week [the word free is actually double underlined in the letter] We have March to June 5th not rented except for (April 10-17). You could drive here & use our (loaner car) ’97 Lincoln. Come to visit everyone here. Your mom might fly out if she had 2 weeks notice to buy tickets. I really miss seeing you & your family & am anxious to meet Stephen or Steve Jones
Love, Mamaw
3/ P.S. I hope you & Steve can pay for your home on ONE income[the word “one” was circled in the letter] We cut corners & rented 4 houses & raised 7 [circled] children on a low income. You should have 3 or 7 children which are the best numbers, before you are middle-aged and not young like the Bible says . (Psalm 127:4) It is fun to grow up with the children & when you are old they can care for you.
I can’t begin to tell you how blessed I feel when like today, U. Glenn had the day off & came over at noon & Aunt Janice came over to have lunch at 12:30. They made a salad & I made grill cheese sand. [sic] The loaded the dishwasher & left. Glenn said he was so glad they left California. I’m so glad the came to live here near her 2 brothers & all of us. Their home is fantastic. We wish you would come to Jesus today & let God show you the way.
We love you, Mamaw XOXO
4/ P.P.S Men get the curse of working by the sweat of thy face. Gen 3:19 It equals womans 3 [circled] curses –able to get pregnant every month instead of once a year, pain in child birth, & her husband shall rule over thee. Today you can’t have a two headed home. When you can’t agree on a color to paint the house he makes the final decision. You can always say “I told you so” when he is wrong. HA. But that isn’t nice. I’ve been saved from death several times by taking his advice when I thought he was wrong. A true home when there is lots of love is lots of joy. I know as Papaw got saved at age 59 & the last 18 years are the best ever. P.T. Lord.
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