posted                   

quote:

---

He hated himself so much that he condemned the world for allowing him to exist.

---

quote:

---

It was as if someone had taken the recipe for making a well-rounded human being, left out one crucial ingredient, and the result was Bob.

Bob was the human equivalent of coffee and cigarettes for breakfast.

Bob dedicated his later years to making urban legends come true for an unlucky few teenagers who were out late at night doing things they weren't supposed to do.

Bob believed that God traveled constantly at his side, waiting for the opportunity to shove him into the path of an oncoming semi.

Bob went to a toga party and ended up three sheets to the wind.

Bob held out high hopes of one day meeting his maternal aunt in a dark alley and giving her an anonymous note about what a mean person she is, or maybe whispering this to her after she fell into a coma.

Bored with Summer reruns, childless, and beyond draft age, Bob had finally reached a place in his life where he felt he could really get behind a good war.

Bob has killed off more SIMS characters than any other person on the planet.

To Bob, vacuuming was akin to erasing the memories of all the good times he'd had

Bob had been a dirty old man since the age of two.

Bob was a shining example of what happens when you wrap yourself in aluminum foil.

Bob was the kind of person who, after witnessing the miracle of the loaves and fishes, would've asked for a nice juicy cheeseburger and some fries, to go.

The one thing that kept Bob going was the hope that his goldfish Burt, dead lo these many years, would be waiting for him in Heaven.

Bob spent the years 1972-1975 in an ashram learning to lick his elbows.

Bob spent the latter part of the 1970's and the first half of the 1980's with a piece of corn stuck in his front teeth.

Bob dared people to prove him wrong, and then would go into a weeks-long funk when they invariably succeeded.

Bob was a homebody, not through natural inclination, but by virtue of his court ordered ankle monitor

Bob studied the Bible and the US Constitution looking for loopholes.

Bob had that look about him that said "Ask me anything about Portapotties, anything at all!"

Clay was the sort of person who would pull out a calculator on a date.

---

quote:

---

Jose would snub girls as being beneath him, then turn and watch to make sure they noticed.

Janeen complimented people on what secretly thrilled them about themselves.

Madeliene falls in love with her fingers crossed.

Daniel said all the words he thought a father should so the kid would leave him alone to live his real life.

Anthonie lived his life only in theory.

Half of Georgia's favorite avacado-and-banana sandwich lay untouched to impress an audience she hoped was watching

---

quote:

---

She had a smile that made me look away for fear of defiling anything so innocent and pure.

---

quote:

---

John came here and somewhere a village was left without an idiot.

She had all the grace of a three-legged gazelle falling down an escalator.

---

quote:

---

Nathan dreamed of working in a Pickle Factory.

Nathan was as deep as the ocean, even if people managed not to see past their own reflection.

Sometimes in life, you come across people with Egg Plant costumes for baggage; Nathan was one of those people.

The Airport Security Guy only lifted his eyebrow when he found purple tights in with Nathan's luggage.

Many people who die deserve life, some that live deserve death- Matt realized it was his sole duty to determine who these people were.

Justin would forget to call Nathan, but would proudly announce to him that he and others had a great time without him.

Nathan got misty eye'd listening to songs like "Do you know the muffin man."

Following the beat of his own drummer, Nathan never was the star of the dance floor.

Nathan, as always, smiled and blamed society.

Alex laughed at every dirty joke he thought of and blushed whenever he said it.

---

quote:

---

Abby was the kind of person who tried really hard to get compliments but tried really hard not so seem like she did, and you could tell.

Abby was just like a picture by M.C. Escher: there were a few key things wrong with her, but at first glance, you couldn't see them.

---

quote:

---

She had a long graceful neck, but not too long
- somewhere between the neck of a Russian ballerina and one of those African tribal necks with all the gold bands on them.

---

quote:

---

Other men had love; Joe had television.

Joe was a legendary chef; thirteen deaths from one dinner party will do that for you.

fil was as indispensible as the radishes on a burger

Joe had the blazing intellect and quick wit of a cat who had been shut in the fridge for ten minutes.

---

quote:

---

If Annie's life were a term paper, it would have serious problems following MLA format.

Annie loved her fellow man like a recovering smoker loves his Wrigley's Doublemint gum.

Some girls are the kind of girl that comes along once in a million years. Annie was more like the kind of girl that comes along every fortnight, but she was still pretty spunky.

Annie kept a cryptic notebook titled "Questions to ask God when I get there" and scribbled in it furiously from time to time.

Annie was the type of girl you secretly wanted to send screaming from the room.

---

quote:

---

Eddie's the type of guy who'd call you every day, even if it was just to tell you that you make a crappy snow angel.

---

quote:

---

Reuben kept his keys clipped to his cat's collar, so when he wanted them all he had to do was open a can of tuna.

Reuben had seen the warning signs; they were written in lipstick on his front window.

---

quote:

---

Bob is like a Slinky . . .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see him tumble down the stairs.

Dan's mind slowly registered that for a corpse, he was moving quite rapidly and almost gracefully.

Everyday Dan planned to conquer the world, but always got stuck in traffic instead.

He had the looks only a mother could love, and he had shot his mother earlier that day.

Morbo never argued with his dreams, so when he dreamed he could fly,
he bought the red tights and the cape and made his way onto the roof.

He was the sort of guy who's fortune cookie's were almost always blank.

Dan liked the perfect steak, but he liked gallons of steak sauce too.

Bob practiced for hours each day until he could literally ooze sincerity from his every pore.

Dan strove hard to be one of the good guys, despite his occupation as goon, hit man, and mafia weasel. He tipped well.

The Magnificent Le'Fon was a skinny little clumsy and geeky mouse of a birthday magician whom the all powerful beings of darkness had decreed, "Must Die!"

He thought marketing breast shaped headphones with the phrase, "The Hills ARE alive with the sound of music" was clever and witty.

Liz wore his heart on her sleeve, after all, he wouldn't be needing it anymore, not buried in the backyard with all the others who ever insulted her fashion choices.

He was a heartless dolt, mainly due to Liz's sharp knife and a disagreement over the the proper use of smileys.

Dan was so ugly, inside and out, that God considered making an 11th commandment--"Thou shalt not Dan".

---

quote:

---

Everyone knows there's more than one way to skin a cat, but only Kyle knew exactly which other ways.

---

quote:

---

Nick was a deeply shallow person.

---

quote:

---

Kenji was the sort of person who thought that opening a window by his computer counted as outside exercise.

---

quote:

---

Morbo prided himself on always following the rules; his opponents often forgot that he made them up as he went along.

The asthmatic fat kid lumbered to his least favorite class:"Studies in state-sponsored urban terrorism;" or as others called it "gym, with dodgeball."

---

quote:

---

Barry was painfully and continually reminded of all the things that rhymed with his name.

---

quote:

---

There were many ways for CT to try to make friends, but unfortunately, she choose the rather unsettling strategy of hitting strangers over the head.

---

quote:

---

She wore her heart on her sleeve, but, unfortunately, used the sleeve to wipe her nose

---

quote:

---

Shy Violet lurked around Hatrack, reading over your shoulder like that creepy old man that lives at the bus station.

---

quote:

---

Having no luck looking for dates at Star Wars premieres, Emp decided he was looking in Alderaan places.

---

Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged |