a. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of implying that there is something inherently lowly of being a newb will suffer torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity!
b. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of implying that newbs are inherently of lower inteligence will suffer torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity!
c. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of implying that there is something inherently at all bad about being a newb will suffer torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity!
2. Derogatory use of the word newb
a. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of Derogatory use of the word newb in any way, shape or form will be suffer rape by a thousand rabid bunnies!
b. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of Derogatory use of the word newb, or any conjugation or synonym thereof, in any way, shape or form will be suffer rape by a thousand rabid bunnies!
c. Repeated offenders of part (a) and (b) of this article will suffer proportionate multiplications of their punishments.
3. other offenses
a. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of any such-like offense even remotely related to the concept of newb will be afflicted with painfull disapearing of genitals disorder for all eternity!
b. the punishment in part (a) of this article shall not be construed to limit other punishments, but all punishments shall be cumulative.
3. Dead_Horse a. Because of what he's going to write, If Dead_Horse even thinks about posting on this thread, he will simulataneously suffer all punishments enumerated in these articles
b. If Dead_Horse actually posts on this thread, in adition to the disciplinary action taken in part (a), he will also be condemned to be impaled with a pickle in the behind
c. part (b) is not an error. This means Dead_Horse will be condemned to be impaled with another pickle, and another and...
4. ex-post-facto and future offenses
a. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of commiting any of the offenses enumerated in articles 1-3 at any time before these articles were established will, in addition to aforesaid punishments, have their intestines stuck on their noses and tracheas for all eternity.
b. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of intent to commit in the future any of the offenses enumerated in articles 1-3 at any time after these articles are established will, in addition to aforesaid punishments, have their intestines stuck on their noses and tracheas for all eternity.
c. Anyone predicted by NewbTheTERRIBLE to commit any of the offenses enumerated in articles 1-3 at any time after these articles are established will, in addition to aforesaid punishments, have their intestines stuck on their noses and tracheas for all eternity.
4. making fun of the articles
a. In these articles, it is to be understood that "NewbTheTERRIBLE" means "NewbTheTERRIBLErEVENge"
b. Anyone caught by NewbTheTERRIBLE making fun of or in any way critisizing or implying critisizm of these articles will suffer all the tortures here-in, and in addition, will suffer banishment from hatrack for one day, or 24 hours(incidently, this banishment will take place at sometime perpetrator is not going to be on hatrack anyway, and all other vengeances will take place after perpetrator is dead<<<after I e-mail them my nephew's diaper.)
posted
Xavier, under Articles 1. and 2. of the "Articles of newbie revenge" listed below:
1. discrimination against newbs
a. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of implying that there is something inherently lowly of being a newb will suffer torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity!
b. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of implying that newbs are inherently of lower inteligence will suffer torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity!
c. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of implying that there is something inherently at all bad about being a newb will suffer torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity!
2. Derogatory use of the word newb
a. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of Derogatory use of the word newb in any way, shape or form will be suffer rape by a thousand rabid bunnies!
b. Anyone found guilty by NewbTheTERRIBLE of Derogatory use of the word newb, or any conjugation or synonym thereof, in any way, shape or form will be suffer rape by a thousand rabid bunnies!
c. Repeated offenders of part (a) and (b) of this article will suffer proportionate multiplications of their punishments.
I hereby sentence you to rape by TWO thousand rabid bunnies! I further sentence you to torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity THREE TIMES OVER!
Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I hereby ammend The Articles of newbie revenge by adding article five:
5. insulting god a. anbody found guilty of calling me a newb or any synonym (which btw, I'm not really) will be bitch slapped by the entirety of the humane society And the ACLU, And the PTA association of NewYork City.
Oh! And my sister. repetitively, for all eternity
b. this law is also retroactive
repetetively for all eternity
Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Without further adieu, Xavier I find you guilty of the offense in article five and you therefore will be bitch slapped by the entirety of the humane society And the ACLU, And the PTA association of NewYork City.
Oh! And my sister. repetitively, for all eternity
Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
It's not that ALL newbies suck. Only the ones who overcompensate for their inferiority complexes suck.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
Boy, this topic has more clauses than the Fair Credit Reporting Act. I'll have to study it longer, perhaps taking a course on how to interpret it.
Do they have a copy of Revenge of the Newbs! for Dummies out yet?
Posts: 1843 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Saxon75, though my sources happen to tell me you're a fairly decent guy, I'm afraid, that under the 2ND article four, I have to sentence you to banishment from hatrack for one day, or 24 hours, which will incidently occur on a day that you will not be on hatrack anyway.
Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
::sigh:: Decent. That's probably the best I can hope for around here. Guess it could be worse.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Tom, though my sources tell me you're also a fairly decent guy, except for occaisionally being a oversized rectum, I'm putting you on probation for almost violating Article one, parts (a) and (c) of the articles of newbie revenge. If you make this error a second time you will suffer torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity! Twice! Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
GRRRR! Kayla! I'm trying to deal out serious punishment to serious sources of discrimination here. Not only do I sentence you to one day's banishment from hatrack, I sentence your brother to one day's banishment an I will edit my post if I get any more smack talk. Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
See, the union idea wouldn't work, because there would come a point when everyone in the union would be no longer quite newbies anymore, and then when the real newbies came, all the people in the union would be too annoyed by them to invite them to join the union. It's a vicious cycle.
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Chade Fallstar, I was going sentence you to torture by chronic disembowelment for all eternity and painfull disapearing of genitals disorder for all eternity, but then I realized, What the Devil! You are a newb!
So I have to add a new clause:
6. Traitors Any newbie violating any of the articles will be seen under the articles as a traitor and hung by the toe hairs with head in a pot of froglegs until dead! For all eternity! I love saying that.
Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I knew it. You have no idea who my brother is!
You know, I've been bugging him to come here. I even gave him a screen name! Needless to say, if he's posting here, he hasn't told me about it. Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:Anyone predicted by NewbTheTERRIBLE to commit any of the offenses enumerated in articles 1-3 at any time after these articles are established will, in addition to aforesaid punishments, have their intestines stuck on their noses and tracheas for all eternity.
What's so convenient about this in relation to the other articles of revenge is that once you string up a few Jatraqueros, you can use their intestines as a way of predicting possible violations of 4-C. And then of course, once you punish those felons then you can use their entrails to... well, you get the picture.
A perpetual Jatraquerian anthropomancy, if you will.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Actually, what's convient about it is that currently, there is no 3. He can go back and edit it to add a number three at any point and time and nail us all!
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Just who does this sick nube think he is anyway? NewbTheTERRIBLErEVENge, if you like disembowelling so much, try hara-kiri. Otherwise, quit beating your, Dead_Horse P.S. But if you think you can stop being annoying and gross, Welcome to Hatrack.
posted
Zalmoxis and Kayla, thanks for the great suggestions! I'll even let Kayla's brother off the hook. I didn't say he had to be a member to get banished, now did I. Perhaps I'll go back and add a second number three, just to prove Kayla right. Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dead_Horse: under the second article three(and you can thank Kayla for that) I hereby sentence you to be impaled with a pickle in the behind, in addition to, well... a lot of other bad (and yes, gross, but anybody convicted pretty much deserves it) stuff! For all eternity!
Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)
![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I didn't say he had to be a member to get banished, now did I. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
