posted
So my fiancee and I were talking last week, and the question came up: If our friend, Tommy, wanted to move from his apartment, would we be willing to go in with him on an apartment? We decided that yes, indeed, we liked him enough to be roomates.
Irony of all ironies...the NEXT DAY we find out that he wants to move out of the apartment that he was in and get a new apartment. Since I was the one talking to him at the time, I asked him if he wanted to go in on a new apartment with us. He agreed.
So the next day, we get together with our resources (the internet is lovely), and pick out some apartments to go look at the following morning.
The first one that we find we fell in love with. Not only is it within all of our means, it is spacious, in a nice apartment complex, but it also has a low pet deposit. We sign some papers, and by Monday of this week, we were approved.
How exciting! Not only has Tommy been a good friend of ours for years (roughly 9), he shares the same religion as us. (Some of you who were in the AIM hatrack chat may remember that we were talking about forming a coven.) We've been talking about having a potted herb garden on the front porch in the spring, and growing some pansies this winter.
Ahh...but then there's this. His girlfriend, who by all means has absolutely nothing in common with him. All she seems to care about is that when Halloween comes, she won't be spending it with him, because he will be with us, dedicating our coven, and doing our first ritual for Samhain. He's been dating her for the past four or so months now, and is looking at breaking up with her soon-ironically before the Halloween that she seems to be coveting.
However, she owns a truck. I question if Tommy hasn't been waiting until after we move to break up with her so that he can have a means to move into the apartment. Should I dare to ask of his intentions, or stay out of his business, since his morality is his business alone?
posted
Yes, I would put the question to him. If he has already decided to break up and just hasn't broken the news to her, he's totally using her. "Whew, that's the last load. Thanks a lot for all your help, babe. Here's your cds and that pasta maker I borrowed. Now beat it! I've had it with all of your s***! Oh, wait, could you give me a ride to the airport?"
What the hell?? That's incredibly sleazy and disrespectful behavior from anybody. I would be pissed at any friend that tried to pull that crap and would call them on it if I suspected them of it. I wouldn't tolerate it from a roommate, much less a fellow coven member.
Note that you will almost surely become his accomplice, complicit in your silence if not actively lying on his behalf.
Let him hash out his problems honestly. If they reconcile, great. If not, rent a truck. Less milage on your karma that way.
Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
Empty set, I like your symbol for an alias. The problem is that Belladonna will quite possibly be sucked into the whole scheme. What if they have a moving weekend using the girl's truck, with all three roommates plus the girl helping in the move? Then she and her fiancee will be involved, it will no longer be just between the two of them. I for one would feel too guilty to go along with it. I am not 100% honest, I think almost no on is. But I wouldn't lie to someone, even through silence, in such a scenario.
I see your point about staying out of their personal lives, but I would at least ask what's up. Belladonna must suspect that the situation is fishy or she wouldn't have started a thread on it. It certainly is a touchy situation that could easily blow up. But at least if she asks him, her hands can stay clean. Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
[edit because I totally misread the above posts in my sleep-hungry stupor]
If she asks him, "Are you just using her to get the truck?" and he says, "Yes", then I think she'd be well within the boundaries of their friendship to say that she's not comfortable with that idea, and arrange to have a truck rented for her own stuff, leaving him to decide what he wants to do about the girlfriend and his own stuff. That's totally reasonable.
But butting in and passing judgement on what he may or may not be doing isn't a great foot to start out on. Living together makes and breaks a whole lot of friendships, and I'd tread as lightly as possible until you've settled into the new groove.
quote: If she asks him, "Are you just using her to get the truck?" and he says, "Yes", then I think she'd be well within the boundaries of their friendship to say that she's not comfortable with that idea, and arrange to have a truck rented for her own stuff, leaving him to decide what he wants to do about the girlfriend and his own stuff. That's totally reasonable.
This is reasonable, as it takes her and her fiancee out of the equation. One more thing and I've said enough. Not only is this guy a good friend and future roommate, they are going to form a coven. From the little I know of witchcraft, that is a very intense relationship, moreso than just being good friends. Otherwise I would have advised a more "hands-off" approach.
Good luck with this, Nightshade.
Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
Thank you guys for your comments and help! Rick and I were planning on renting a truck for our stuff anyway (we have an entire 10x30 full of our stuff), and you were right, Morbo, it is a very intense relationship, albeit a positive one.
I'm still not sure that's what he's actually doing, however, as the thought occured to me yesterday while I was over there wrapping my fiancee's birthday presents . I ran this by Rick last night, and he said that he'd had the same thought, but figured that it was none of our business.
If it is true, then I worry for his moral health, and you're right, it isn't behavior that I would want to see from my roomate and coven member.
We'll see how the week plays out on this. I see them both every day, and perhaps I'll think of a 'crafty' way to inquire about the situation .
Posts: 701 | Registered: Jul 1999
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The last thing you want to do is make your new flatmate feel like you're passing judgement on him even before he moves in. Flatting is all about delicate balance, it can change friendships and damage relationships.
It's really none of your business how he gets his stuff to your mutual new place, or his intentions regarding his girlfriend. You don't know, and it'd be really presumptous of you to ask. And if you were going to use the girl's truck for your move as well, just do it, because his relationship with his girlfriend is HIS to sort out. And whatever he does is on his concience.
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. I ran this by Rick last night, and he said that he'd had the same thought, but figured that it was none of our business.
