posted
Okay... I've always said since I was little, that my first girl would be my last- relationship wise- and I was with one for about 2 years. It's over now and it's been about a year since we've split and I still havn't moved on.. She's already had 2 more relationships since. But whenever I get close to anyone it just seems so wrong. What the hell am I doing? What should I do? Half of me says to stick true to the whole 'first is last' thing and the other half wants to move on and it's killing me.
posted
sometimes we are meant to be with someone - but just not forever.
do not stick to the romantic notion of the first should be the last - you have plenty of time in front of you for new experiences, and even if you don't you shouldn't waste what time you have pining for a girl that's left you in the dust long ago.
appreciate it, learn from it, grow from it. not everyone can be a voodoo priestess and force things together through a sheer force of will and a little wheeling and dealing with the magic-8 ball, sunshine. i can empathize with having a hard time moving on past someone you felt very strongly for, but just try to open up to other possibilities. though i haven't let myself get jaded, i definitely have gotten a wee bit better at turning off the "like" switch when feelings are not requited.
Posts: 3936 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
You are not pathetic. Believe me, you are not pathetic. We think that every time we fall in love it is going to be forever, especially when it is for the FIRST time. Sometimes it works, sometimes doesn't. If it doesn't work out, it's painful and you may feel you never be able to fall in love again. They say, what you need is time, time heals wounds. But you have to let go the past.
quote: appreciate it, learn from it, grow from it.
Points up - do that and move on. Trust me, I know what am talking about. I was emotionally tied to someone for long time. I had to let go, give hopes up and miracle happened, met the most amazing person. I had to move on, had to let go of past and embrace the present and future.
Do it, and am sure, it gets better and better and... You will see
Posts: 102 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
I said that to myself when I was 14 with my first boyfriend. If I had stuck with the sentiment, I would have ended up in an abusive relationship for the rest of my life.
You grow, you change. So does the woman you are with. Your first relationship is rarely destined to be your last, because at that point, you are both too inexperienced to know what is best for you. This is not an insult, by any means. Just realize that it takes time, growth, and soulwork to come into a relationship that extends into the lifelong beauty of a marriage. Most people need to experience love and loss before they can truly understand what makes a relationship work and what kind of person brings out the best in themselves (and, of course, vice versa). If my first relationship had been with the man who is now my husband, I doubt if it would have lasted more than a week. I needed to grow and change first.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
It's just so hard... wanna guess how we met? Through Ender's Game. We were on a bus and she saw the book and started up a conversation about it cause she loved the book too- we've both read all the books in the 2 series now-
Her mom picked me up along side the street one morning for no reason at all, Sarah and I hadn't met yet either, her mom just randomly pulled over to give some kid a ride..
Later on in the year while we were good friends we discovered that I had moved into the house her parents lived in when she was born, I still live there.
We bought tickets to a movie that were at the same time on the same day a week before the showing and neither of us knew.
My first date, my first girl, my first kiss, first love- all the coincidences were just begging for it to happen.. and now it's gone..
posted
I've recently had a similar experience, although we were not together for very long my feelings were still genuine and intense. I'm guessing you're confused and dealing with loss in your own way. It takes time, try and find something to take your mind off of her. Try not to speak with her or see her for a while, don't be mean about it, just keep out of each others way until you know what you're doing. Of course the others are right, you need to move on. But those are only words... there is no way to change your feelings over night, no quick fix. Take this seriously, love is a very powerful emotion.
Posts: 139 | Registered: Nov 2003
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posted
You're making it harder on yourself by dwelling on it and reviewing the past in your mind.
She isn't coming back to you, so all you're doing is messing yourself up for no good reason. Of course it's hard, but that's part of the deal. The sooner you stop dwelling on her, the sooner you'll be able to move on. Time does heal wounds, but you have to wait around while time does its thing. Keeping her in your thoughts will only hinder that process.
Date other girls as soon as you feel remotely close to comfortable doing so. It doesn't have to develop into anything serious; the idea is to put some relationship distance between you and your ex.
Just because you have stayed true to your first and last concept and have had some amazing commonalities and conncetions with this girl, it takes 2 people to make a relationship work. It sounds as if you are doing all you can to:
1. Figure out what went wrong 2. Fix the problem 3. Keep your promises along the way
I gather that you have given it your all to make this work. But just because you are doing everything right doesn't mean the other person will reciprocate. She is not giving what it takes to make you happy. Like a corny lyric from a Linkin Park song, it is like a crumpled up piece of paper, and it cannot ever be perfect again.
If you get a chance, read my landmark post. You will see firsthand how I thought I met the one girl, and ended up crushed. I dusted myself off, took about 6 years off from serious relationships, then met the woman of my dreams. The same can happen to you, but the process is very painful. I wish you well and encourage you to use your friends and family as support in getting your life back on track. Otherwise, take it from someone who has been there, you will stay in this rut, and it will consume you.
posted
My life a crumpled up piece of paper. Before I discovered I have OCD, that would have driven me crazy. I never knew I did because I don't wash my hands excessively or anything, but I was not averting the symptoms, so it really was making me nuts.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I just find it very self-centered and egotistical to beleive that you, through force of will and determination, will make the first girl you like into the love of your life.
This is what you proclaimed. The universe laughed.
The ancient Greeks had a word for this, HUBRIS. Every Greek tragic hero had it, and all suffered for it.
I think the world is much bigger and stranger than most teenagers give it credit for. They seem to know all the answers. Its only when they get smacked in the face with reality a few times that they discover, they don't even know the right questions.
I am speaking from experience.
Admit that you were wrong, that your first love was wonderful, but your second may be better, and you third, well we won't talk about her, but your fourth.....
quote: Admit that you were wrong, that your first love was wonderful, but your second may be better, and you third, well we won't talk about her, but your fourth.....
posted
You're not pathetic, and you're not the only one. I went through the same thing for two years and I had to get out, it was a bad relationship. It took me forever to move on, even when I finally dated someone I still loved him. That bond between us was not broken, I wanted to let go, but I couldn't I didn't know why. But this isn't about me this is about you. Love is a funny thing. As Terry Goodkind's Wizard's Third Rule said "Your passion rules your reason". And that is so true, it's just bad luck for us that love is such a strong emotion for human beings, I mean people die for it.
But don't be blue, be orange like TIGGER, bounce around meet new people. I know its hard to get close to someone again because they aren't the same, but this is just another obstacle in life go out and conquer it. Although Terry Goodkind did say that bad luck comes in threes, so aim for the fourth!
It's hard to help when I don't know the entire situation, but I hope I helped one way or another! Posts: 23 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Correlle has a point. While you're looking down or looking behind you, you're missing wonderful people in front of you. ((pepek))
Posts: 873 | Registered: Apr 2003
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