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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Light Eight Candles; Tell Eight Jokes (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Light Eight Candles; Tell Eight Jokes
Raia
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quote:
Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shule with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important. PB 658
Ha!
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Dobbie
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I think you're supposed to start at the other end.

_____ [Cool] [Cool] -- [Cool] [Cool] [Cool] [Cool]
.╚═╩═╩═╩═╦═╩═╩═╩═╝

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rivka
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Depends on your perspective. Are we behind the person lighting the menorah, or facing them?

Anyway, we're currently at -1 candles.

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aspectre
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Tonight's the night St.Nicklestein flies to children's homes...

[ December 22, 2008, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: aspectre ]

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Blayne Bradley
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I dont understand the airline joke, can somoene explain it to me?
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Blayne Bradley
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quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
*bump*

Chanuka starts Sunday night!

Here's an interactive singing menorah to play with.

Strangely enough this was utter chaos until I light the 9th candle and then the music sounded orderly.


Anyone miss watching rugrats? When I was younger I was soooo confused when they had both Jewish and Christian themed episodes.

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Puffy Treat
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The mother was Jewish, the father was "fill in the blank"...I don't think they ever mentioned he was Christian.
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Lisa
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quote:
Originally posted by Blayne Bradley:
I dont understand the airline joke, can somoene explain it to me?

It's sort of a "pushy Jew" thing. When you fly to Israel, the people who are in the aisles instantly upon landing are almost all Jewish passengers.
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Darth_Mauve
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So, being Christmas Eve, two elderly Jewish men head out to the local Chinese restaurant for want of any place else to go.

As they sit there talking, the begin to discuss just how far the wandering tribes have wandered.

Sol said, "There are Jews in Russia, and Jews in California. There are Jews in Brazil and Jews in Ethiopa. My sisters son has a colleague who celebrated the high-holy days at a weather station in Antartica. We wandering Jews, we've gone everywhere."

"Not everywhere" said Abraham. "I'm sure there are places that no Jew has been."

"Where?" asked Sol.

"China. I've never heard of a Jew in China."

"I'm sure there are plenty of Jews in China. Such a big place. Sure there are."

"No there is not. I know this for a fact. There are no Chinese Jews."

At this time the waiter came up to them and said, "What will you have?"

Sol turned to the young man and said. "You should know. Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"No." said the waiter.

"Ha" crowed Abe. "See. No Chinese Jews."

Confused, Sol turned to the waiter. "Are you sure there's no Chinese Jews?"

"Very sure. We have apple juice, tomato juice and orange juice. No Chinese Juice."

...

This gets me to another question. It is almost a cliche' that Jewish folks eat Chinese for dinner on Christmas eve because every other place for them to go is closed, and everything on TV is all Christmas themed, so staying at home is boring.

But what about folks from our non-Christian Chinese communities? Where do they go on Christmas eve, besides those working in the restaurants? Do they all go out to the local Kosher Deli to eat sandwiches named after movie-stars?

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Orincoro
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quote:
Originally posted by Lisa:
quote:
Originally posted by Blayne Bradley:
I dont understand the airline joke, can somoene explain it to me?

It's sort of a "pushy Jew" thing. When you fly to Israel, the people who are in the aisles instantly upon landing are almost all Jewish passengers.
Is it more an Israeli thing, or does it apply to all Jews? That isn't a stereotype I've heard of in America or Europe. It sounds like it would also work for Italians.

I suppose maybe it's an eastern US thing as well, because in California I don't think we have many of the same Semetic stereotypes and terms used on the east coast. I know I've heard a lot of them on TV or in movies, (and from east coast friends) that are not used on the west coast.

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Shmuel
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You know, of course, that this coming January 26 will mark the start of the year 4707 in the Chinese calendar, while it'll be 5769 in the Jewish calendar. Which means that for 1,062 years, the Jews had to go without Chinese food...

[Edited to correct year & math. But what's ten years between friends?]

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Blayne Bradley
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Interesting trivia while I am unsure if there are ethnic han jews there are indeed or was jews who lived in China.
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Shmuel
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quote:
Originally posted by Blayne Bradley:
Interesting trivia while I am unsure if there are ethnic han jews there are indeed or was jews who lived in China.

You may be taking these just a tad too seriously. [Smile]
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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by Blayne Bradley:
quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
*bump*

Chanuka starts Sunday night!

Here's an interactive singing menorah to play with.

Strangely enough this was utter chaos until I light the 9th candle and then the music sounded orderly.
You mean the middle one? Yeah, that's the shammes -- of COURSE he's the conductor! [Big Grin]

quote:
Originally posted by Orincoro:
Is it more an Israeli thing, or does it apply to all Jews? That isn't a stereotype I've heard of in America or Europe.

Israelis and NY Jews. None of the rest of us are like that at all. *whistles innocently*

quote:
Originally posted by Shmuel:
quote:
Originally posted by Blayne Bradley:
Interesting trivia while I am unsure if there are ethnic han jews there are indeed or was jews who lived in China.

You may be taking these just a tad too seriously. [Smile]
Definitely. But anyone who is interested in Chinese Jews should read Pearl Buck's Peony. Or if you're interested in Chinese converts to Judaism, start with The Bamboo Cradle.
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Mucus
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quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
quote:
Originally posted by Shmuel:
quote:
Originally posted by Blayne Bradley:
Interesting trivia while I am unsure if there are ethnic han jews there are indeed or was jews who lived in China.

You may be taking these just a tad too seriously. [Smile]
Definitely. But anyone who is interested in Chinese Jews should read Pearl Buck's Peony. Or if you're interested in Chinese converts to Judaism, start with The Bamboo Cradle.
Here's a history of some Jews in Haerbin which includes the Olmert connection.
http://www.bh.org.il/Communities/Archive/Harbin.asp

quote:
Originally posted by Darth_Mauve:
...
But what about folks from our non-Christian Chinese communities? Where do they go on Christmas eve, besides those working in the restaurants? Do they all go out to the local Kosher Deli to eat sandwiches named after movie-stars?

Hmmm, that took a while for me to parse. Its hard to generalize but in my experience there is nothing much special about Christmas Eve. Its not a statutory holiday here and usually doesn't fall on a weekend, so not much happens.
IIRC, we do sometimes go out for dim sum on Christmas morning since some Chinese restaurants will open on that day anyways.

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rivka
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A modern Chanukah miracle!
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Tinros
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rivka, that link takes me to a "someone tried to link to a copyrighted cartoon and got caught" thing.
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rivka
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Rats. Let's see if I can find another link.

Can you follow this? It should be the first one . . .

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vonk
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What did one snowman say to the other?
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vonk
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"Do you smell carrots?"
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rivka
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Slideshow: Chanukah in Yerushalayim
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MarekAgain
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*bump*
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