posted
AJ, in general I'm in favor of "proper" etiquette, but I'm with you on this one -- it's taking the polite fiction too far.
Now, shower invitations that have a list of stores at which the couple is registered do bug me a bit -- but this is for charity, and I think that should count for something. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Then it's not really in lieu of gifts, I guess.
In that case, it's just hitting up party guests to donate to a good cause? *grin* That does seem kinda tacky.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
People may still feel like bringing gifts, but they aren't required at anything that's not called a shower. Unfortunately there isn't any polite way to officially channel or direct people's spontaneous generosity, because that makes it sound expected and not spontaneous.
The only exception is at funerals, the next of kin, on behalf of the departed, can request donations to a charity in lieu of flowers. Basically, being dead gives you some lattitude. Posts: 5509 | Registered: May 1999
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quote:I always picture Mrs. M at one of those with the lovely white gloves and afternoon hat. Tea gowns, of course.
jexx, that's exactly what I wanted. It ain't what I got. My shower was a disaster from start to finish. My maid of honor was in the same position as AJ - I was living and getting married in NYC and she was living here in Richmond. So Andrew's aunt offered to co-host the event at her apartment. Cara hand-made beautiful invitations with topiary (which I especially love) and started experimenting with gourmet cookies. Andrew's aunt is a lovely person, but very, very different from me. She and Cara spoke on the phone and Cara called me up right after and said, "You're going to hate your shower and it's not my fault. She wants to serve tuna salad."
I really don't like Tuna Salad on an ordinary day, but I certainly didn't want it for my bridal shower. Cara tried to tell Amy that I don't like tuna salad, but Amy insisted that Tuscan tuna salad would be fabulous.
It wasn't.
Nor was the fact that Amy didn't clean the thousands of toys she keeps in her living room. Nor was the presence of her three small, screaming children (whose roles in my wedding party gave me nightmares), who were supposed to be at Andrew's parents' house. I could go on and on about the things that weren't fabulous. The Tuscan tuna salad was particularly vile.
I had my bridesmaids' luncheon at the Russian Tea Room, though. It was beautiful and elegant and perfect.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
so what is your whole opinion on the presents/charity ideas Mrs. M.
This is the thing, I think it would be better to do a sort of informal get together, probably both sexes attending, than to deal with a formalized shower. Gwen isn't as picky of an eater as I am, but I could see things going the way of Tuna Salad all to easily.
posted
I think donations in lieu of gifts is a wonderful idea and increasingly common. It's not rude at all, but very nice (in the Southern sense of the word).
What about having a wedding shower, as opposed to a bridal shower? It can be a nice way for all the out-of-town guests to meet and relax before the wedding. You can have it the same weekend - maybe the day before the rehearsal. You can do a barbecue or have it catered by a place that serves regional cuisine.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
Yes just sort of having a wedding party get together and icebreaker on Thursday or friday evening would be perfect The wedding is at 8am sunday morning July 4th, so early because it is going to be out of doors and blazingly hot any later in Tucson.
posted
I think giving a charity donation instead of a gift is lovely, it's asking for charity donations instead of gifts that I find a bit objectionable. Because it assumes people are going to want to give you gifts, then tries to channel their generosity into the direction you prefer. It seems to presume a lot, in other words. Posts: 5509 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
There is a terrible trend around here lately of holding showers at restaurants - where the guest has to buy their own food. That's right - you get invited to come to an expensive restaurant, buy your own food, and give her presents. All told, that shower costs each guest $40 - $50. The sum total of the hostess' work consists of filling out e-vites.
posted
<grin>but Anne Kate that brings us back to the whole connundrum of how do you let people that want to give gifts know that you want donations to a charity instead, without putting it somewhere in the invitation materials. The whole "word of mouth" ask the wedding party or the relatives thing that the manners types proclaim, isn't going to work in this case given the distances involved.
What should the wording be?
"If you feel so inclined, please donate to charity X in lieu of presents?"
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