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Author Topic: Your last first kiss
Zotto!
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Sorry dude, my dad has the car. [Frown]
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katharina
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The following story (and I) make much more sense if you realize that I'm insecure about relationships. Not myself - just other people.

We were supposed to go to a a service project, but I was running a little (45 minutes) late, and by the time we (I) were (was) ready, the rest of the group had gone on, so we didn't know where to go. We gave up and went to the local art festival for a few hours. Then we got some food and had a picnic in a field of bluebonnets. We walked around the lake in the city, and by then it was dusk. The air was heavy, and I could see lightning flash on the horizon all around us. He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed me before I knew what was coming. I looked up and said, "Does this mean you like me?" He laughed, and said, "Yeah. I like you."

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imogen
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My last first kiss was on the 17th November, 2000.

I had met Tony for the first time a week before - we had gone out to drinks with a mutual friend, and over the course of the evening had gone from "This person seems nice enough" to "oh my.... What just happened?".

So after a week of finally building up the courage, I invited Tony to a end of exams barbeque I was having.

He came (much to the delight of all my friends, who couldn't wait to see the *older* man I liked) and stayed for a while - lots of good conversation, unbelievable amounts of chemistry.

So when it was time for him to go, I walked him out to his car - we had a couple of minutes of goodbye talk, where it became patently clear that Tony wasn't going to make any move whatsoever. I was already going to a party at his house the following night, so there was no need to make a second date or anything.

So I tiptoed and kissed him - very forward. [Blushing]

But, hey - it worked! 3 1/2 years on, and I no longer have to always make the first move. [Big Grin]

(edit for spelling.)

[ March 14, 2004, 11:33 PM: Message edited by: imogen ]

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beverly
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imogen, it seems most of my first kisses were initiated by me too. [Smile] I guess I am just that sorta girl.

My last (now and forever) first kiss was with my beloved Porter (mr_porteiro_head). Our courtship was a bizarre one, a very long story which I will not tell you now. I will say that I have never come across a story of a courtship anything like ours until reading about how Ender's parents met and fell in love (found in "First Meetings" by OSC). That give you an idea of how strange our courtship was.

I kissed him on our first "real date" (by this time we had sorta known each other for about 2 years). It was in a cemetary with a distant thunderstorm rumbling in the background. Very morbid or very romantic, depending on how you look at it. We both found it very romantic.

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My last first kiss
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My last first kiss was also my first first kiss, so far. But this thread made me think about a footnote that happened several years prior to that kiss.

While living in a college dorm, my roommates found out I'd never been kissed. They decided I needed to learn how to kiss and talked a guy friend of theirs who was a good kisser into teaching me. I contemplated it, because I was simply curious as to what the sensation would be like. I didn't think they were actually going to talk him into it when they left. They were perfectly sober when thinking up this plan and as far as I know, no aclohol was involved at all, though it does sound like a plan people would come up with while intoxicated.

They were gone for so long I ended up turning out the lights and going to sleep since I had a test the next day. Well, not quite going to sleep. I heard them come in and he was with them, and basically faked sleep because I didn't want to deal with the mess. The guy was a good guy at heart, if a bit of a slut at the time. While I was "asleep" he actually tiptoed over, kissed me on the forehead and they all giggled and left. I think it is stretching the incident considerably to call it a first kiss and I don't.

The real first kiss was on a set of steps in front of a marble fountain, in what was normally a very busy thoroughfare. Miraculously, no one else was in sight at the time. He had just had a breathmint, though he hadn't exactly planned on kissing me when he did either. The kiss involved tounge, and I laughed.

I had friends including the former roommates that know me so well that, when I called in a breathless state of euphoria and said "I was kissed!" their first question was, "Did you laugh?" I laughed mid-kiss because I realized exactly how bad/clueless I was at kissing, having never done it before. I have had plenty of practice since learning how to do it "right". But, I know it meant more and I had a lot more fun in the process than I would have had if I had gone through my roommates "kiss training" school!

I know I've told bits of this story before to some hatrackers. I'm wondering if people can identify me just by my posting style. I would be interested in guesses, but if you remember the bits please don't divulge who I am.

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fallow
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My last first last kiss was apparently a 5'10" oxen blonde who approached me after the fact. Sad to say, I couldn't recall that particular event.

fallow

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imogen
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I think you're Annie.

***

Beverly - I made the first move (and iniated the first kiss) with my ex-boyfriend as well! Maybe I'm just not approachable...

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fiazko
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Hmmm. My list of first kisses is short and reads something like Unsent by Alanis.

#1 was a textbook "I wanted to do this a year ago when we went out that one time" thing.

#2 tried like hell to suck on my uvula.

#3 was even more timid than me. Surprising for such a big guy.

#4 was, in a word, animalistic.

#5 was a bit...uncoordinated. I hope he's learned that lips and tongue should work together.

#6 was magic, sweet and soft.

#7 was like kissing a fish. Or a dog.

*sighs and looks at watch* Any day now, Prince Charming.

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Da_Goat
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My first kiss was within two hours of my birth, and it was with an older woman. [Cool]
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Tzadik
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My last first kiss - hm, think was Friday evening, 21 November of last year. After being with the special once *grin* for 5 months it sort of happened. Wasn't planned, I didn't intend to kiss her, but as we were walking the town to movies, we stopped, hugged, and finaly kissed. It was, it was - heavenly [Smile] Am thankful for that last first kiss, and I know there won't be anymore 'first kisses' from now on, right lissande? [Kiss]
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Lissande
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HEY. [Mad]

Why you talking about me??

Right, so my last first kiss was remarkably similar to what Tzadik described. It was also my first first kiss. Good thing I don't mind my life details being shared on the internet. [Smile]

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ClaudiaTherese
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Last first kiss? Hmmmm.

David and I had met in Chicago, and -- as usual -- we were talking about everything under the sun. We were in a parking garage by the Art Institute, and I was finishing telling the story of my parents' first kiss.

My father had first met my mother when she was around 5 and he was 24. At that time, her family had a roadside farmer's stand, and he'd stop by in the mornings and buy bread from her. She thought he was magnificently handsome, and he thought she was a cute kid. [Smile]

Flash ahead to nearly thirty years later, and my father is standing with my mother at the edge of the river behind his house. He had married another, raised two children, and lost that wife to cancer. My mother had grown into a strong and loving professional nurse, but she still lived at home with her father. Everyone had written her off as an old maid; she was waiting for the man she would trust with fathering her children.

They had met again as players in community theater. He'd been an actor at the Goodman Theater in Chicago -- attached at that time to the very Art Institute that David and I were now visiting -- and she was a witty and beautiful trouper.

After one of their plays, he took her home to stand by the river.

He kissed her the first time, and he asked her to marry him. He became the love of her life.

(And then David leaned over and kissed me, "because the time was right." [Smile] )

[ March 15, 2004, 07:31 AM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]

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katharina
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*grin* Claudia Therese, you are all class.
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PSI Teleport
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OOH ooh! First kiss stories!

Given how shy both Jes and I were I'm amazed we ever kissed at all. We'd been flirting and stuff for months and positively dating for weeks. I was 17 and he was 16, and his mom didn't want him spending too much time together because she didn't want him getting all goo-goo and neglecting school and things. Neither of us had a car so if we wanted to see each other one of us had to get a ride first, which wasn't likely for either one of us. We saw each other about once or twice a week, (which was pretty reasonable now that I look back on it, but was torture back then) and I had spent every moment we shared together in the two weeks before that mentally ordering him to kiss me. Like this:

"Hey I really like this song." (Kiss me NOW.)
"Yeah it's a good one."
"I'm pretty sure I have this CD somewhere." (Kiss me or die you moron.)
"Really? Can you find it?"
"I think it's packed away in storage." (KISS ME! GAAAHHHH! I'm going to KILL you!)

And so on.

Anyway, it was four days til Christmas and he was visiting me at my house before being separated for the Christmas holidays...it would probably be a week or two until we'd see each other again. (The horror!) We were talking about how terrible it would be to be apart, while sitting next to each other working on my web page. (The web page was solely created to get his butt over to my house in the first place. Ask me about THAT sometime.) I said something like, "I can't believe you're LEAVING me!" And I threw myself into his arms in desperation. He caught me and said, "Sorry" and I'll be danged if he didn't make the hottest face I'd ever seen, liked he'd been saving up all his sexuality for the moment. That was the very first kiss for both of us and was one of the most amazing moments of my life. Every once in a while one of us will say, "Remember our first kiss?" And we'll both shiver, literally.

Later that evening I talked to my mom on the phone and she said, "What happened to your voice?"

"What do you mean?" I said.

"It changed. It's really low now. Are you okay?"

[Big Grin] HEHEHEHE. It was SULTRY. [Big Grin] It's stayed that way ever since. It was that kind of kiss. [Big Grin]

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beverly
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*bump*

Whoa, PSI, that sounds like some kinda kiss! (Sorry, I figured someone had to comment on that!) Most first kisses are so awkward. It's nice to have one so memorable.

My first first kiss was pretty memorable too. Me and the guy both about as shy, took us a long time to get past the flirting to the kissing. He was visiting me (long story) and we didn't know when we would see each other again. We had confessed our feelings on our last full day together, held hands some, but nothing more than that. Before sending him off to bed that night I said, "Well, aren't you going to kiss me?" He looked all shy and said, "I've never kissed anyone before, I don't know how." It was sweet and innocent, but a good first kiss.

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Slash the Berzerker
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You don't KISS Slash the Berzerker! You strap yourself on and feel the G's!
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mackillian
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I think that Slash's post was the dirtiest thing I've ever read on this board.

More dirty than CT's risque posts.

[Eek!]

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Slash the Berzerker
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It's a simpsons quote.

From the max power episode. It wasn't too dirty for network tv! [Smile]

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peterh
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I'll let you decide if my first, first kiss counts and will save my last first kiss for a future landmark.

Danielle and I were in kindergarten together. Every day during recess she and I and Matt used to have a kissing booth that Matt and I pretty much rotated around.

Matt was on a slightly different kindergarten schedule, so we only shared half the day with him. The rest of the day we'd have each other to ourselves. I remember several things about kissing her. I remember what her tongue felt like through her missing front tooth. I remember hiding under a small blanket while sitting on another during our "quiet" time. I remember hiding under a table with her and Shelley playing guard for us too keep us from being bothered. I remember taking her flowers and lying to my mom and telling her that they were for my teacher.

She had twin sister that I didn't like nearly as much and they moved away around 3rd grade and I never saw her again. There you have it.

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BannaOj
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BannaOj: my first first kiss was when I was 4 I think
BannaOj: Gordon and I were best friends
KatharinaZamboni: oh, that's so cute
BannaOj: we decided we liked each other
BannaOj: and because people that like each other kiss each other we wanted to kiss each other
KatharinaZamboni: at 4?
BannaOj: ohh the logic gets even better than that!
BannaOj: but we didn't want our parents to get mad at us
BannaOj: so we decided to dig a cave
BannaOj: because everyone knows that caves are secret
BannaOj: (i don't think either of us had read tom sawyer, but I might have read a condensed picture version by then)
BannaOj: anyway so we had to dig this hole
KatharinaZamboni: *loves Tom Sawyer*
BannaOj: so the hole was at my house
BannaOj: and every time he came over we worked on it
BannaOj: for several months
BannaOj: we had patience and planning
KatharinaZamboni: all for a kiss?
BannaOj: yup
KatharinaZamboni: You have to post this!!!
KatharinaZamboni: That's so cute!
BannaOj: Gordon's family had recently remodled a house
BannaOj: his father taught him power tool safety and he was allowed to saw and hammer simple things
BannaOj: so he thought nothing of using a shovel
BannaOj: I used a trowel
BannaOj: but he would jump on the shovel to make it dig down into the dirt and get huge chunks out
BannaOj: anyway as the dirt was hard and progress was slower than expected, we finally decided that we weren't going to get a cave
BannaOj: and that it was deep enough
BannaOj: we could both stand in it. The hole was higher than our waist but not up to our chests
BannaOj: we'd strategically put this hole, at the back of the house
KatharinaZamboni: wow
KatharinaZamboni: that's a lot of digging
BannaOj: in this little area that is basically a strip of dirt between that side ofthe house and the fence to the neighbors yard
BannaOj: and we kept it totally secret from our parents
BannaOj: I mean they knew we had a project out in the backyard
KatharinaZamboni: at age 4
BannaOj: but we were quiet and not getting in trouble cause there was nothing out there that we could get in trouble doing
BannaOj: yup
BannaOj: anyway we finally kissed each other, on the cheek
BannaOj: and it was a real let down
BannaOj: so we decided to tell them about our hole since it was "finished"
BannaOj: our mothers went out back and nearly fainted!
BannaOj: My dad still marvels at how deep we'd gotten that hole
BannaOj: he was the one who had to fill it up
KatharinaZamboni: Kissing is an amazing motivator.

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TomDavidson
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*laugh* I think it's a shame he filled it up. It would have been wonderful to bring boyfriends back to your house and show them the kissing hole.
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BannaOj
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Dad was worried we were going to hit utility or sewage lines soon.

And, the thought of me having a boyfriend gave them the vapors for over two decades.

AJ

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PSI Teleport
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Wow, I didn't know men could get vapors.
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BannaOj
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Oh it can happen... and when it does it isn't pretty!

AJ

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dkw
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I promised a story for this thread . . .

Every time Bob and I had met previous to this Thursday he had been traveling for work and I had picked him up and dropped him off at his hotel. Since our greetings and goodbyes were always in cars, we had never hugged, like happens at some Hatrack meetings, or even shaken hands. For this visit, he was driving in from Chicago after a business meeting and staying at a hotel in Story City (about 17 miles from the town where I live). We had dinner reservations at a restaurant in Story City, so I planned to meet him there. We knew we were both coming back to my house afterward, so I arranged to get a ride to with a friend on her way to aerobics class. She dropped me off near the restaurant around five o’clock.

We had arranged that Bob would call my cell phone when he got to the hotel. Five-thirty was the earliest I was expecting to hear from him, so I wandered around for a while and then went into the public library, which was about a block from the restaurant. I stayed near the door, so when the phone rang I could duck outside quickly and not disturb anyone. Bob called about six to say he’d just checked in and had to change clothes and such. I gave him directions on how to find the library, then took my book to the reading area in the fiction section, which was near the back of the room.

After about twenty minutes, I heard someone come around the shelves. I looked up and it was him. I stood up, and we walked to each other and hugged. Then started kissing. Then he said, “Will you marry me?” and I said, “Yes.”

It was the best kiss I’d ever had in my life. At least, up until that point. There were a few more afterward, and some in the next two days that might give the first one a run for its money. But I can say without a doubt that my last first kiss was the best first kiss I’ve ever experienced.

[Blushing] [Wink] [Cool]

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Elizabeth
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Oh, how incredibly sweet! In the library, behind a bookshelf!

And, wait, how incredibly sneaky! Wasn't it just your first date? I am SOOOO confused...

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Kama
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Awww.... [Smile]
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beverly
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Tee hee! [Big Grin] Ain't love sweet?
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Elizabeth
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Obviously, the rest of Hatrack is either asleep, eating a late lunch, or off drinking Bloody Marys, because there is a major story here that is being MISSED.
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mackillian
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*grin*

No, I read it.

See, I have my own story to tell.

Those of you who know me (actually, it's getting to be a lot of you), know that I have problems with physical touch for many reasons. My childhood bereft of loving touch, my adolescence of inhibition, my young adult years of assault and being burned by stupid men. Actually, I hated kissing. Hated.

So I go down to NY to meet up with Matt. I'm anxious and not. Hard to explain...I feel at ease and just connect with him in so many ways that I'm just excited to meet him and spend time with him. I'm nervous because I suck with physical expression of affection.

So I walk into the hotel lobby and this tall handsome guy stands up and I think holy crap, this is the guy and...wow. Yeah, I'm way attracted to him...but not just because I find him physically attractive, but for many, many other things as well.

Anyway. And I think, Does he think anything of me that I think of him?

He kisses me on the cheek. I blush.

The first real kiss took awhile in happening. Poor Matt must have kissed me at least twelve times before I kissed back. I was nervous and unsure and shy about kissing. Remember, I'm inhibited, so I don't do the fifty things with him I WANT to do in my head. I also have historically not liked kissing.

Finally, I think screw it and kiss him back.

And I like kissing Matt. A first, for me.

And I'm still amazed that he finds me, in everything, attractive.

[Blushing]

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ElJay
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*beams*

I'm so happy for you, Dana.

And I'm happy for mac, too. In the last couple of weeks that I've been lurking around here, I've read a lot of what you've posted, and I find you a charming and interesting person. I very much look forward to meeting you at the wedding.

You both deserve all the happiness in the world, and I'm glad you seem to be grabbing it with both hands.

I'm just gonna sit around grinning for awhile. Life is good, and all is right with the world.

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Procrastination
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[Big Grin]

I can't say it wasn't frustrating waiting for Jamie to figure all that stuff out. It totally was. And very confusing. Especially since I had very little idea of what was going on inside her head at the time.

See, now, I didn't even think about the kiss on the cheek... that was just me being friendly... But, the first peck on the lips with absolutely *no* response... that gave me pause.

Now, I got from talking with Jamie in the weeks leading up to the trip that she *wanted* to kiss me... so I was worried that maybe after meeting me she changed her mind.

Then I figured, maybe she's shy, and tried again.

Hmm. Nada. And again... same. And I could see that she was getting more and more nervous and flustered, so I stopped.

Really, it wasn't until the second day that she leaned over and kissed *me* on the cheek, with a big grin on her face. [Blushing]

I'm not sure when it happened, later on that day, I'd imagine, that I actually kissed her and she kissed me back, and my brain went "yay! finally! breakthrough!"

[Party]

[Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

Now, granted, as she has made clear, Jamie's not the most experienced kisser in the world... but I'm hoping to change that. Practice, after all, makes perfect. [Wink]

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mackillian
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[Big Grin]

Actually, after meeting you, I only wanted to kiss you MORE. Possibly even jump you six ways till Tuesday. Stupid inhibitions. [Grumble]

And part of that, I think, was wondering, Does he feel the same way?

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Procrastination
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Well...

::raises a glass::

Here's to breakthroughs!

[Big Grin]

Stupid four and a half hour drive to New Hampshire...

::20 days until I can hold you to your six ways::

[Evil] [Kiss]

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Storm Saxon
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Hooray for Mack!

Just to keep all this straight, Matt is Flying Cow?

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mackillian
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And Procrastination. No jokes about me dating Procrastination, either.
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Paul Goldner
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I'm not really embarresed about this one. Its... typical for me, I guess is the best way to put it.

I met this girl, basically, walked into a class last semester on the first day, looked around the room, saw her, said to myself "I want to get to know HER!" One of the classic jaw drop moments.

Anyrate, sat behind her, and tried to engage her in conversation a couple times after class. Got the cold shoulder for about 6 weeks. Middle of october she turned around and started talking to me. I was thinking "Uh, ok..." anyrate, it turns out not only is she standstill chin hits the floor try to collect yourself before being able to talk gorgeous, but also a really friendly, interesting, caring, considerate and kind person. Gathered all of this over about 4 weeks of conversations before and after class. Find out during this time she has a boyfriend (obviously, women that beautiful and kind are not single).

Finally, end of november I ask if she'd like to go out for dinner, and make it clear that I'm not asking as a date, but a chance to get to know each other outside of school, work on a friendship, blah blah blah. She says sure. So I call her a couple nights later to work out a time, and she says "I'm sorry, I don't think we should do date like activities. This relationship with my boyfriend is really serious, and I'm attracted to you."

So a week later she calls me up, and asks if I'd like to go out for dinner that night. Uhhh? I say yes, we go have a nice friendly dinner in the north end of boston.

Afterwards, I walk her back to her apt, and we get there and she invites me up. I'm thinking "What in the hey now?" but I SAY "Do you really want me to? " and she says yes, we head up to her apt, and she tells me to sit down, I sit on the couch sorta in the cornerish, and she goes to get us drinks from the kitchen, comes back, sets the drinks down, stradled me and kissed me with what I can best term "intent." I've been kissed a few times in my life really seriously. But THAT was serious. Like blow your socks off sort of kiss. Electrifying. I was tingling from my head to my toes, literally. That lasted about a minute, and then she started BAWLING on my chest. She cried HARd for about ten minutes, soaked me right through my shirt and drenched my chest.

Anyrate, that was my last first kiss. I've never really been kissed like that before, and the experience was amazing. Sadly, what had happened was that her boyfriend (who traveled for his work) had had an affair, and she had found out that day. She thought of calling me, because I was turning into a friend, and I guess she wanted to get back at her boyfriend, and then couldn't go through with it. She didn't know me well enough at that point to know that I wouldn't have let it go further then what happened, on a first date.

I'm not sure whats ended up happening to her. I tried to call her a few times, and no response, but at least I found out what had happened.

In terms of emotional impact, I wish the kiss hadn't happened because maybe our budding friendship would have been more likely to grow. But at the time, it was magical. And at least I have one kiss like that in my life... an electrifying kiss from an absolutely beautiful woman who I don't well know enough for all the mundanity to get in the way of my little mental memory of that moment.

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sarahdipity
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All of this explains why they both had silly grins when I saw them after being in NYC. That's right guys, great big silly grins and long glances at each other. It was very adorable and sweet.
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Annie
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My first kiss with Hobbes wasn't nervous or awkward at all, but also not out-of-this world romantic. I still owe an apology to Narnia for choosing the back of her car for the romantic occasion. There have, however, been many more kisses since and lots of lovely stories.

My most favorite romantic one was trying to hike faster than his parents down a slot canyon so I could kiss him around every corner. Hee hee hee.

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Storm Saxon
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I had my first kiss about the same time I had my first cigarette--11. [Smile] Except the girl ruined the whole thing and french kissed me, which I thought felt pretty gross.
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amira tharani
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I didn't post on this the first time round, but I'm sufficiently emboldened to post this time.

I took a long while to recover emotionally from my first relationship - my ex remains one of my best friends, but making the transition from a very stormy relationship to a decent and stable friendship was not fun. In the midst of all the maelstrom (ex and I were housemates on top of it all) I met a friend of my ex, who lived near us and so was always over at our house. Anyways, we became friends and he was often nicer to me than my ex was, with the upshot that my ex constantly teased me about this guy - y'know, ooh he likes you he likes you and all that stuff... anyways I thought this was complete rubbish but as we got to know each other better I realised that this guy really DID like me and I was in for a tricky time - a boyfriend was the last thing I wanted, going into my final year and with masses to catch up on in order to get a good degree.

Anyway I spent the summer e-mailing him and working out how to let him down gently - which got completely scuppered by him asking me out at 2am the day after my birthday when I was still jet-lagged from my trip to Canada. But we remained friends and spoke every day on the phone or MSN, and saw each other almost every day when we got back to university. Even then it took me a long while to realise I was falling for him. By the time I did, we'd spent long hours on the sofa in my college room, talking and at odd times hugging, but never more than that.

Finally, this one night, I'd got back late from wherever I'd been and he was still up, so he came over and we talked, and he was lying on the sofa with his head in my lap, and I think he said he'd never been so happy, or something equally romantic, and I kissed his forehead. He was gobsmacked for a bit and then said "you... you kissed me." to which I said "yeah, I guess I did," to which he said "does that mean I can kiss you?"... I said yes, and so...yeah... he kissed me back and a year and a half later we're still together... and much more experienced kissers than we were then!

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dkw
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mac and Matt, I’m thrilled for you. When you first started flirting on Hatrack I thought, “he’d be so good for her.” I’m glad it’s working out. [Smile]
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mackillian
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[Blushing]
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Storm Saxon
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There are some really awesome kissing stories in this thread, btw. I think I will never forget the kissing hole. [Smile]
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Zotto!
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Totally. *grins*

And Mack! Yes! *adds name to the "glad you're dating a cool guy" list*

And dkw! *adds name to the "glad you and Bob're getting hitched" list*

And Annie! *remembers being there when you and Hobbes met*

And everyone! *loves this thread to a ridiculous degree*

[Big Grin]

[ March 28, 2004, 11:49 PM: Message edited by: Zotto! ]

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blacwolve
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quote:
And dkw! *adds name to the "glad you and Bob're getting hitched" list*

This is a list? [Eek!]
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Zotto!
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A very long one. [Big Grin] [Razz]
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My last first kiss
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Second year of college. Never been kissed. Never been in love.

Premable
Was I just late in developing hormones? No.

Years 6-12 were spent being molested by the step-parent. Years 12-18 were spent finding ways to avoid said parent and stay below the radar of the other parent, the crazy one. See, the crazy one was furious that I wouldn't spend time alone with, nor talk to the other one.

The molester threatened that if I told the truth, I and my brothers would be left alone with the crazy one. It was a dark enough possibility to guarantee my silence.

College

Poor, dressed like a geek, and in an ultra-conservative school, freshman year put me in contact with others just like me. By the end of year one, I not only knew that they looked like me, but that many had been molested. The symptoms, once recognized, are so clear that we may as well be wearing a sign; "Touch me and I Cringe. Touch me and I Melt. Touch me at your own Risk. Touch me lest I Die."

At a gathering early in sophomore year, a group of friends went to The Chart House for Mud Pie. The occasion was an out of town friend of a friend who had come down for a visit.

I found myself across the table from the newcomer,B. I was attracted, but did not even consider making a connection. I was surprised when quietly yet confidently, B reached across the table and touched my nose. We talked a bit. I was shocked at the mutual interest and for lack of a better word, timing.

We made arrangements to meet again. I was nervous; nay, terrified to hope for anything good and terrified to never move beyond the bubble in which I'd placed myself.

The Kiss

The date was perfect; magical. It was as if the universe had conspired to drop fairy dust over every moment. Toward the end of the evening, while walking along the beach, B initiated a kiss. I didn't respond. B tried again and an electric current shot through me.

I felt something melt and as I began to return the kiss, the sky erupted in fireworks. Actual fireworks. Loud, and beautiful and impossible to deny. I looked at the fireworks and started laughing.

It was April, but my soul knew it was independence day.

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imogen
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[Big Grin]

I'm getting all twitterpated again, just reading the latest last first kiss stories.

[Big Grin]

Yay to Mack! Yay to Matt! Yay to Bob & dkw!

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My last first kiss
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It is never so often do I get confronted with the fact that I have never been kissed as in the spring. When a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love, but never thoughts about loving me.

The sad truth is that I never got the chance to kiss anyone. Perhaps not. The saddest truth is that even if I was given more than the barest and most fleeting of chances, I would not have been the one to take action. Too afraid of rejection, violently afraid of rejection am I. It never hurts so much as when the people around me are in love.

It is almost physically painful to see others happy, especially when they are close to me and them being close to each other means that they will no longer be so close to me. I have to look away. I can't ask for them to separate themselves from each other to spend time with me. This is why I am alone in my room right now.

I guess I don't know what I want and I have certainly no idea how to get it. Pure and simple, all I want is someone who cares about me, who thinks of me as something of a priority. Someone who will always have time for me, without me allowing myself to make excuses and telling myself that they won't. Maybe someone with whom to share something intimate, something such as a kiss.

It's been. A long time since I realized that there is a hole in my heart that cannot be filled with friendship. I do not know what could fill it. A gut feeling is telling me that it would not help how much I hate myself for someone else to love me. It is telling me that no matter how much the people in my life already love me, it hasn't changed anything. It is telling me that I have to do something myself to change the way I feel. But. I do not know what to do.

Hatrack. I'm blindly calling out to you, not because I think that there will be anything that you can do, but because I have no where else to go. Because I know that no matter what, there will be someone with time for me here. I cannot blame the people around me, because it is no fault of theirs that I am unable and unwilling to ask for their help.

Perhaps I just need sleep. I'm just lonely and I am alone. I do not want to be this way any longer. It never hurts so much as it does in the spring.

[ March 29, 2004, 02:50 AM: Message edited by: My last first kiss ]

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