posted
Hatrack, I need to know if this letter is sexy enough to warrant a call for an interview. I just got email from the personnel director letting me know they are going over applications right now, and I really want to send this out SOON (as in within the hour). Anyone able to give me a once-over with feedback is going to have the Head Wench in his/her debt.
Always, Andrea (Jenny Gardener)
Letter text to follow in the next post.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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I long to work in a corporation that challenges its students, teachers, and community to be the best they can be. In both my personal and professional life, I seek to grow and learn. I expect the same from my students. Your school system draws me through its commitment to growing each child through meaningful and rigorous work.
As a teacher, I plan creatively and manage my classroom with respect for each individual. I possess a lot of energy and enthusiasm, which I apply to all aspects of my career. I continue to take courses and attend trainings so that I can improve my teaching. My drive to learn makes me a ravenous bookworm and an avid questioner. I bring these qualities to class, as a model for my students. It is my belief that if students learn to ask questions, seek answers, and honestly assess their work, they will be able to meet their future challenges with success.
My expertise areas lie in the realms of writing and science. I earned a spot in the first Writer’s Boot Camp (run by science fiction author Orson Scott Card), and maintain connections with several professional and semi-professional writers. I wrote an article for Outdoor Indiana and hope to publish more. I’ve been a newsletter editor and a copywriter. These experiences transfer to the classroom, where I use what I have learned to help my students become more powerful writers. In addition to writing, I pursue my love of science in various ways. One of my hobbies is gardening, but the real reason I garden is to observe the insects. I’ve a great fondness for wild things, and as a member of the Wildcat Guardians, I advocate for respectful treatment of nature.
In many ways, Westfield Washington schools appeal to me. It would be an honor and a pleasure to speak with you about opportunities to work in your schools. Should you wish to meet with me, please call (765) 457-0274 or send an email to mrsgerig@aol.com. Thank you for your consideration.
Always, Andrea L. Gerig
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
I think It's good... I'd interview you in a second... Though depending on how many people are applying you might want to make it a bit shorter...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Does this school have any kind of mission statement, points of which you could refer to at various points in your letter, illustrating for them the various ways in which you are the ideal teacher for their school?
All in all it looks fairly good (although take my comments with a grain of salt--I wrote what I thought was a fantastic cover letter a few months ago, and sent various versions of it off to 20 different prospective employers, and didn't hear back from a single one.
posted
I don't have time for an in-depth critique right now, as I am in class myself, but here are a few quick comments.
quote:I continue to take courses and attend trainings
I don't like this nouning, or this pluralizing. I would recommend "seminars," "workshops," or even "seminars and workshops." Or "training seminars."
quote: I earned a spot in the first Writer’s Boot Camp (run by science fiction author Orson Scott Card)
The phrasing here seems to imply that Writer's Boot Camp is something your reader should have already heard of, or at least something extremely well-known, to the point of being a real institution (I'm thinking of like Clarion here). I would suggest "I earned a spot in the first Writer's Boot Camp run by science fiction . . . "
Incidentally, isn't it called "Literary Boot Camp"?
quote: In many ways, Westfield Washington schools appeal to me.
This feels stilted to me. I would recommend moving "In many ways" to the end of the sentence.
quote: It would be an honor and a pleasure to speak with you about opportunities to work in your schools.
Calling it an honor seems like laying it on thick to me, but what do I know?
-o-
All that aside, I think this is an awesome letter. Quite honestly, I found myself thinking as I read it that if I ever find myself applying for another teaching job, I would like to use this letter as a guide. You have managed to make what we do sound exciting and creative without coming off like you are a braggart at all. Interview you? Heck yeah, but that would just be a formality. I think I'd pretty much already have my mind made up to hire you.
posted
I think it is an excellent letter, Andrea. Very well written.
It is a shame that quality teachers like yourself even have to go through the rigors of "selling" yourself in an introductory letter. There is such a huge need in our nation for really high quality teachers, they should instead be begging at your doorstep for you to talk to them!
posted
Personally, I think it's a bit much. However, I want them to be attracted to me. My last letter that actually got a decent response was similar, but not quite as smooth.
I do feel like I'm bragging on myself an awful lot, but I can live with that.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
I have trouble writing these sort of letters because I hate trying to sell myself. It seems like I'm bragging, or like I am not telling the truth completely... But your letter does rock... it would take me 15 hours in between video games or longer to write one...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Thanks folks! Wish me luck; I'm off to send it now. I did make a couple of edits (thanks Icarus!) and I appreciate all your kind words. I've had a rough school year, and your posts make me feel a little more confident.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
The second-to-last paragraph wanders a bit. Tighten it up around something--your writing skills, your science background, or your love of gardening and insects. Otherwise, I really like the letter. You definitely communicate that you are an enthusiastic and capable teacher who loves her students. Good luck!
Posts: 52 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
As I said before I tinker. Take or leave what you will. I would get rid of the parentheses as they are unnecessary.
quote:Dear Ms. Moran,
I long to work in a corporation that challenges its students, teachers, and community to be the best they can be. In both my personal and professional life, I seek to grow and learn. I expect the same from my students. Your school system draws me through its commitment to growing each child through meaningful and rigorous work.
As a teacher, I plan creatively and manage my classroom with respect for each individual. I possess an abundance energy and enthusiasm, which I apply to all aspects of my career. I continue to take courses and attend training seminars to continuously improve my teaching. My drive to learn makes me a ravenous bookworm and an avid questioner. I bring these qualities to class, as a model for my students. It is my belief that if students learn to ask questions, seek answers, and honestly assess their work, they will be able to sucessfully meet their future challenges.
My expertise areas lie in the realms of writing and science. I earned a spot in the first Writer’s Boot Camp run by science fiction author Orson Scott Card, and maintain connections with several professional and semi-professional writers. I wrote an article for Outdoor Indiana and plan to continue to publish. I’ve been a newsletter editor and a copywriter. These experiences transfer to the classroom, where I use what I have learned to help my students become more powerful writers.
In addition to writing, I pursue my love of science in various ways. One of my hobbies is gardening, but the real reason I garden is to observe the insects. I’ve a great fondness for wild things, and as a member of the Wildcat Guardians, I advocate for respectful treatment of nature.
Westfield Washington schools appeal to me in many ways. It would be an honor and a pleasure to speak with you about opportunities to work in your schools. Should you wish to meet with me, please call (765) 457-0274 or send an email to mrsgerig@aol.com. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely, Andrea L. Gerig
You've got a lot of good stuff. I feel for a business letter your sentences and paragraphs are too long and you need shorter "sound bytes" in each paragraph, because you aren't developing a literary thesis, you are selling yourself. I'm not sure exactly how to do it though because your paragraphs do build on themselves internally.
Remember they are going to be reading gazillions of letters and shorter paragraphs greatly improve readability, comprehension and retention. (The reason why they make you read long wordy paragraphs on the SAT is because it is so much harder to comprehend and remember it the first time!) They are going to scan the beginning and end of the first and last sentence in the paragraph and the meat in the middle is often totally lost, especially if the paragraph is wordy and involved. You've got to load the chutzpah at either end of the paragraph like bookends.
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