posted
ok, i know i may have complained about threads like this, but i really need to talk and i don't want to drag Raia into the middle of it.
Ok, i have always been a bit of a loner, never had many friends, and until this year i've never had a close friend. This year i met three wonerful people, and i started to let them get close to me. well i just was told that i'm a complete jealous jackass by one, and another tell me that i am a social reject who needs to be nicer to other people (i aparently judged another person, i just met tem and haven't had time to form an oppinion) and the third one i met i'm dating, so now you see why i don't want to drag her into this.
Why is it every time you get close to some one, they have to just completly tear you apart pointing out your faults, all i have to say, is that i try my best to "be nice" and not piss people off, but after tonight, the anti-social me may be coming back.
Posts: 1094 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Hey, JT, I don't know you at all, but I think you can resolve this without giving up hope on the human race or yourself within it. Relationships aren't easy, and it takes a lot of tolerance and humility to deal with the less rewarding ones you have to wade through to get to the ones you will cherish. This is sort of cliche, but I think it's true- if you can resolve the hurt, even in the worst times all relationships can be a catalyst for growth.
Posts: 377 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Anyone who would say something like that to a "friend" is probably suffering from a lack of social graces on their own part. Also, sometimes several people can get weird all at the same time. I don't know if these folks are all women (their hormones tend to get in sync) but also, a high positive ion atomosphere can make folks irritable. Just trying to help you reach here, find an explanation of the situation that doesn't damn either yourself or them.
I've been kind of rough on you in the past (though I'm not sure which screen name I was using- I think this was in the grinch thread) I really have no reason to dislike you personally. (((JT)))
P.S. I didn't answer your larger question of "why bother" though. For me, the answer used to be "Progresso Chicken Soup". Now it's "Ghirardelli Chocolate Chips". Being a member of society permits my access to these fine products. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't mind wandering in the mountains eating squirrels for the rest of my life.
posted
By the same token, I remember when a close friend of mine told me I was arrogant. For some reason it really, really upset me. It totally clashed with the person I wanted to be at the time. I talked it over with a few people, all of whom clamored to assure me that it wasn't true. Nonetheless, it still bothered me and I still brought it up with different people. When I told twink he just kinda shrugged and said, "Yeah, you're one of the most arrogant people I've ever met. So what?" He's right, I can be an arrogant, heartless prick. I also have a strong streak of jealousy and a penchant for revenge. It doesn't hurt to know your faults, and sometimes the people who know you the best are more able to see them than you are. I don't know you at all and I'm not saying that what they said was true, I just wanted to give a perspective that generally isn't offered on the 'Rack.
All that aside, I hope things settle down for you and I'd skip the chicken soup and go straight to the chocolate chip cookies.
Edit: the letter e popping up in unwanted places. I hate it when that happens.
[ April 05, 2004, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: Bob the Lawyer ]
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
from recent personal experience, consider the possibility that you might be taking things a little more critically then other people mean them?
I'm not saying you are... I'm saying that your complaints sound awfully familiar and that I've since learned that I was holding myself down and doing most of the kicking.
edit: Also, I suspect posting on here without warning her off is not a good way to "keep Raia out of this", so you might want to tell her to stay out of this thread, if you haven't privately done so already...
[ April 05, 2004, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: T. Analog Kid ]
Posts: 2112 | Registered: Sep 1999
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posted
Of course, another answer could be that they are right... This doesn't mean you have to change yourself, you could always get new friends. No one is perfect, and to expect friends to pretend as if you are is selling them a bit short too.
I have a friend who is supremely arrogant (and the smartest person I know), but he's still my friend, and I enjoy hanging out with him. I know he finds me very indecisive, but he hasn't stopped being a good friend to me.
Okay, I don't know you, so am not considered your friend....
but your post has really made me second-guess something I did recently.
I have a good friend whom I'm close to. Recently, I had a long talk with him and told him (tactfully, I hope) that there was this one thing he does that really kind of off-puts some people. So I did point it out as a character flaw, but buffered that with the fact that I also find myself doing this sometimes in conversation, and that seeing it in him made me recognize this flaw in myself.
But I haven't had a lot of interaction with this friend since. So now I worry that this heart-to-heart offended him --- just like you are feeling toward your friends.
I thought the friendship was deep enough that we were at the level where we could communicate these deeper, more personal things now. But apparently not, if he is offended.
So maybe your friends were being candid with you as an effort to show that they really feel the relationship has moved to the level where they can tell you exactly how they feel, and how you come across, to them.
Farmgirl
edit: I feel like I should point out that sometimes it seems like we women feel the need to let others know their "flaws" face-to-face to help them be a better person -- but we really don't need to do that. The above person I talked about -- he said, "well, I never seem to offend guys, but women much be more touchy" and I said, "no, you offend guys, but they won't tell you -- they tell ME they are offended."
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